She looked at him. ‘Can I ask you something?’
He gave her a wary look. ‘What?’
‘I accept that you don’t want children. But can I ask why?’
He raked a hand through his hair. ‘You know about my background. After my mum died, nobody wanted me. I don’t want to put a child through that.’
‘Understood,’ she said. ‘But if your mum hadn’t been knocked off her bike, she would’ve loved you. She might have met someone and you would’ve gained a ready-made family.’
‘But that didn’t happen.’
‘And,’ she said, ‘there’s another difference. If you had a child—if anything happened to you, that child would still have a mum and a family who loved him or her. Or if anything happened to your partner, your child would still have you.’
‘True,’ he said. ‘But I don’t remember what it’s like to be a son. I didn’t grow up with a male role model. How do I know I’d be any good as a dad?’
‘Because,’ she said, ‘I’ve seen you at work. You care for your patients as if they’re your own flesh and blood. I’ve seen you sit with a young child in your break and read stories, or just chat to one of the older ones.’
‘I’m merely keeping them from being bored, so they don’t disrupt the ward,’ he said.
She thought there was more to it than that. She’d noticed he spent time with kids who didn’t have a family. That wasn’t the act of a man who didn’t like children. ‘And Truffle.’ His rescue dog. ‘You love her. You make sure she’s fed and exercised and feels loved.’
‘That’s different.’
‘It isn’t, Ryan. You treat her the way that other men would treat their child. You’ve told me yourself that she’s your family. So don’t try to kid yourself. You’re putting all these barriers in the way, but they’re not as big as you think they are. And you’re not going to be on your own if you try to get over them.’
He shook his head. ‘I don’t want to hurt you, Georgie. But you need to know I’m really not good at relationships.’
Pain lanced through her. He was giving up on them that easily? He didn’t think she was worth the effort? ‘So you’re saying we call it a halt?’
‘I think that’s the best thing.’
‘Because you’re too scared to take a chance.’
His eyes widened. ‘So you think I’m a coward?’
‘No, I don’t think you’re a coward,’ she said. ‘I think you’re scared and you’re stubborn and you’ve decided that everything’s set in a certain way. But life isn’t like that, Ryan. It’s flexible. Things change. It’s not about being perfect and getting things right all the time. It’s about trying, about learning to compromise and realising it’s OK if something goes a different way from the way you’d planned it.’
Did she have to spell it out for him?
Maybe. It was a risk. But, if she didn’t take it, she knew she’d always regret it. ‘All you have to do is reach out.’ Reach out, and she’d be there.
‘All you have to do is reach out.’
Did Georgie have any idea how hard that was?
She’d clearly grown up being dearly loved. To the point where she was careful with other people—even though Charlie had hurt her badly with his affair and the baby, she’d still thought about his family and friends and protected their happy memories rather than tarnish them with the painful truth. Ryan wasn’t sure he could’ve been that noble, in her shoes.
And he didn’t think he could reach out and grab what she was offering. Deep down, he didn’t think he deserved it. Otherwise someone would’ve tried to keep him before, wouldn’t they? His grandparents, his foster parents—all the people who hadn’t wanted him enough. Zoe had given up on him. Why would it be any different with Georgie?
‘I can’t,’ he said.
She looked sad. ‘You’re not even going to try, are you?’
‘No,’ he said. He felt guilty and miserable, but he couldn’t change who he was. He knew he’d only disappoint Georgie. It was better to back off now and keep his heart intact than to let himself believe that someone could really love him, and then learn the hard way that he’d fooled himself again.
‘Thank you for being honest.’ She lifted her chin. ‘I’ll find somewhere else to live for the rest of the job swap.’
‘No. I’m the one causing the problem, so I ought to be the one to move out.’
She shook her head. ‘As you told me, landlords don’t like renting places to someone with a dog, particularly a dog who chews. So it’ll be easier for me to be the one to go.’
This was when he was supposed to agree. She was giving him what he’d asked for. He couldn’t give her what she wanted, so he should just let her go.
So why did his mouth open and the words, ‘Don’t go,’ come out?
She just stared at him.
Maybe this was the best compromise. ‘Don’t go,’ he said again. ‘We can be adult about this. We can ignore the—’ Well, he had to admit to that much. ‘We can ignore the attraction between us, just as we do at work.’
‘Says the man who made love with me last night and even now is sitting in my bed,’ she said wryly.
‘I’m sorry. I wish I could be different, I really do. But I can’t. I’ve tried in the past and I’ve never really been able to let anyone close to me. If that’s what you want from me, all I’ll do is hurt you and I don’t want to do that.’ He took a deep breath. ‘I don’t regret last night, and I definitely don’t regret being with you. But I am what I am. I’m sorry I can’t be who you want me to be.’
‘Thank you,’ she said,
