“You sound impressed.”
If she was listening more carefully, she would have heard the edge in his voice.
“I am! He’s young to have nailed down this process so efficiently. And he’s good to work for. He’s been kind to me.” She knew that Erik wasn’t José’s biggest fan, but she was hoping Erik would be able to see José as her boss and as a good businessman, and not as a rival. Especially before having dinner together.
“You like him.”
“Of course!”
“Of course,” he muttered.
She glanced over and he was grinding his teeth again; she could see his jaw working.
“Not like that, Erik. I don’t like him like that.”
He pulled into the parking lot at the Mountain Lake Lodge and found a parking space, cutting the engine and turning to her.
“No?” His eyes searched hers.
“No.” She shook her head, smiling at him tenderly. Someone else’s got his teeth on my heart for now.
Erik stared at her in the quiet of the car, then winced, turning away from her and leaning his head back against the headrest, sighing.
“Ӓlskling. I like you like that.” He clenched his eyes shut for a moment, his shoulders slumping in defeat, before murmuring, maybe more to himself than to her, “I like you too much.”
Katrin knew how much it cost him to admit it. She reached out to stroke his cheek with the back of her hand, and he leaned into her, opening his eyes. She wanted to look away, to ensure he wouldn’t see the extent to which her feelings for him had grown, but she couldn’t.
“I know, Minste,” she whispered. “Me too.”
***
They strolled around the grounds of the hotel, which included a resort-style swimming pool landscaped with rocks and flowers around its border, a small rustic fountain that bubbled cheerfully, manicured walking paths, a perennial garden, and a bright green rolling lawn where they found two Adirondack chairs affording a great view of Flathead Lake as they sat side by side.
Erik reached over to take her hand, lacing his fingers through hers, feeling her palm press against his. His heart leapt, as it always did when he touched her, an uncomfortable reminder that his feelings for her were growing every time he saw her, and all the time in between.
He was trapped between his feelings for Katrin on one side, which compelled him to see and pursue her, and his feelings about relationships on the other side, which pleaded with him not to leave himself open to that kind of weakness.
As if on the breeze, he heard his mother’s voice in his head, weak and feverish. Carl…Why won’t you come? Why won’t you come to me? Instantly, he pushed the memory away, forcefully, angrily, before it could seep in and take over, before he’d be forced to think about it or process it. He didn’t realize he had dropped her hand until she turned to him.
“Everything okay?”
He stood up, staring out at the lake. “Can’t see Wild Horse from here. We’re too far north.”
Katrin looked at her watch, standing up beside him. “We only have about fifteen minutes until our reservation. Um. Erik. You’ll be polite to José?”
“Sure. He’s your boss.”
“He’s nice. Really.”
“Hey, speaking of José, did I notice something between him and, um, Gabrielle?”
Katrin raised her eyebrows and smiled like a little imp, which made his heart beat a little faster, made his face flush a little with the pleasure of being near her. “I’ve been trying to figure that out.”
“What do you think?”
“I think there’s a story there, but they’re as hard to read as poker players, never showing their cards.”
Erik offered her his arm, and she took it as they strolled the paths leisurely, headed back to the lodge.
“No backstory?”
“Nothing that they’ve cared to share. And I keep meaning to ask Ingrid but I keep forgetting. She should have overlapped Gabrielle’s tour by a year or so. Here’s what I know: they served at the same hospital as Ingrid, they were there together for a few years, and maybe in different wards. But, something happened. Or didn’t happen that should’ve happened.”
“How can you tell?”
“It’s the way he looks at her.”
“How’s that?”
“Like there’s unfinished business.”
“Huh. What about her? Gabrielle?” Erik asked, thinking that all relationships were tricky. Unpredictable, unreliable, full of backstories and unfinished business.
“She’s harder for me to read. But, yeah, I think there’s something there. Even though I can’t read it perfectly. There’s something.”
She looked up at him and smiled, squeezing his arm as they climbed the steps up to the lobby where there was a sitting area with a huge flagstone fireplace. “There’s that romantic again, looking for the love story.”
“Nah, just a cop solving a mystery.”
“I know there’s a romantic in there, Erik.”
He bristled against her words. He wasn’t a romantic. If he were, he would be able to tell Katrin how he felt about her and embrace the opportunity to be with her. He wouldn’t feel confused and trapped, elated, excited, and terrified all at once. He wouldn’t think of her all the time, yet desperately want to keep things casual. If he were a romantic, he would tell her how much she meant to him, ask her to be his girlfriend, hold her hand in front of their families, allow himself to think about the future. If he were a romantic, he would dream about loving her, living with her, marrying her, having children with his eyes and her dimples. If he were a romantic, he would claim her and hold onto her as tightly as she would let him, and never, ever let her go.
But, he wasn’t. He was rational. He was logical. And he knew
