There was something so natural about sitting beside her, being next to her, knowing that she was his girlfriend, and for the second time in the same day, he was struck by the thought that he couldn’t imagine his life without her anymore, or more accurately, he couldn’t bear to imagine his life without her anymore. The deep, small voice in his head asked, So, what does that mean, Erik?
He had creased the space between his eyebrows in thought, picking through his feelings for the right answer. It means I need her in my life.
And what’ll you do to keep her there? the voice inquired.
He’d glanced at her again, sitting beside him at the long table, face bathed in candlelight, laughing at a story Sam was telling about their childhood. She turned to him, and smiled into his eyes, taking his hand under the table before turning back to Sam.
Whatever it takes.
***
The heat from the campfire was making her drowsy, but Katrin couldn’t remember ever being as physically comfortable as she was now, snuggled in Erik’s arms before the fire while their families swapped stories and news. The perfect end to the perfect day. Well, almost the perfect end. There was only one more thing she could think of that would make today complete.
She turned her lips toward Erik’s ear, whispering. “Tired.”
He turned his face, kissing her cheek softly. “Getting late.”
“Mmm. Drive me home?”
“Whenever you’re ready.”
She thought she felt him swallow a little too deliberately, though his face betrayed nothing. She leaned forward so she could see his face and caught his eyes, almost silver, in the firelight. Her voice was low and direct, meant only for him. “I’m ready now, Erik.”
“You sure?”
She took the beer bottle out of his hand, rested it on the arm of his chair, lacing her fingers through his. “I’m sure.”
Chapter 15
Other than telling Erik where and when to turn, they were both unusually quiet on the ride to Katrin’s apartment, which only deepened the thick, tense mood in the car. The idea of being with Erik, sleeping with him, was something that excited and terrified Katrin all at once. Her physical relationship with Wade had never been very fulfilling, and while she hoped that things with Erik would feel very different, she didn’t know for sure. What if he disappointed her? What if she disappointed him? What if the timing was wrong and they ended up feeling awkward with one another afterward?
She glanced at Erik and found her face softening with the force of her feelings for him. She thought about the fears and reservations he had somehow managed to overcome for her, returning to offer himself to her with tenderness and trust and commitment. The memory of his face beside her when she woke up last Monday morning made her tingle with pleasure: it was the moment her feelings for him had finally come into sharp focus.
Erik parked in her driveway and cut the engine.
Katrin wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans, wishing she didn’t feel so nervous.
He looked over at her, surprising her by asking gently, “Sure you want me to come up?”
Her heart raced, but she nodded at him. “I am.”
She wasn’t, though. Uncertainty picked at her, questions circling in her head, raising doubts, making her feel shy and nervous.
He followed her up the steps at the side of the garage and into the apartment. She flicked on the lights and hung her jacket on the peg by the front door. She hadn’t been back home since the day over a month ago when she packed up quickly, heading to Skidoo Bay with Erik, an unknown adventure before her. She slipped off her sandals and turned to him as he closed the door behind him.
“So...the grand tour, just to refresh your memory; kitchen, living room, bedroom.” She pointed briefly around her apartment, the word bedroom hanging in the air between them until she asked hurriedly, “Do you want a beer?”
His eyes lingered on her bedroom door for a moment before he looked back at her, shaking his head no.
“Umm…tea? Coffee?” Her heart beat relentlessly with the force of her nerves.
He shook his head no again, watching her from where he stood with his back against the front door.
She rubbed her hands together before putting them back on her hips, rocking back and forth on her heels, helpless, anxious.
“Stop.” He spoke quietly and gently, closing the distance between them. He took her hand, pulling her into the small living room and down on the couch beside him.
“Kat, I don’t want this to be awkward. We’ve never been awkward with each other.” His voice was deep and soothing as he put his arm around her rigid shoulders. “Just talk to me.”
She stared straight ahead and swallowed. “Okay. Umm. I haven’t done this in a long time. I haven’t been with anyone except…”
“No.” He touched her cheek with his fingertips, turning her to face him. “Not about that. Stop worrying about that. Stop thinking about that. Talk to me about something else. Anything else.”
She took a deep, shaky breath then exhaled, leaning into him, putting her head on his shoulder. “God, why am I so nervous?”
“I don’t know,” he answered. “Don’t be. It’s just not the right time. Let’s just hang out. Watch TV. Seriously. Just take it off the table. Relax, okay?”
TV. Relax. She frowned, disappointed. “Totally off the table?”
“Yeah. That’s fine.” He kicked off his shoes and leaned his head on the back of her couch, pulling her
