“Thank you,” she said, a bit nonplussed, and put the items into her purse. “How much do I owe you?”
He waved that away. “You don’t owe me anything at all. Amy and I go back a long way. I owed her a favor and a bit of money. She told me taking care of you today would put us square.”
Nell bit her lip. “I hate to be awkward, but I don’t feel right taking the makeup as a gift. You don’t even know me.”
“I got it in a swag bag at an event and it doesn’t fit my look, so it’s yours. My time is well spent if anything I say or do helps you walk around Time Rock like you own it and have a blast with your man. Shall we go find you some jeans now?”
She blinked at him. “Your look?”
He batted his eyelashes at her and pouted, and for a moment became entirely feminine in body language and expression, then relaxed back into being Johnny. “When I’m in drag, you’d call me Ripped Creme.”
No wonder she’d thought him both graceful and athletic. The name even sounded a bit familiar, though she couldn’t be sure how or where she’d heard it. “No wonder you know so much about makeup, then.”
“That, and I can sew almost anything, but even I have to shop for my jeans. So maybe you’ll trust me to help you find something you’ll like?” he asked, with an encouraging smile. “Let’s take our drinks and walk. I’ve got a few different shops in mind, and don’t worry, I won’t forget you’re on a tight budget.”
Two hours, three stores, and what felt like four dozen pairs of jeans later, Nell was ready to give up. “Jeans just plain don’t suit me,” she said to Johnny, doing her best to keep the frustration out of her voice. “I feel bad for wasting your time.”
He shook his head. “Helping someone find her inner queen is never a waste. I’m taking you to Bee Cute. It’s a teeny bit pricier, but they can fit anyone. I get my girl jeans there, okay?”
She sighed but nodded. As they walked, she said, “I don’t think it’s the fit.”
“No? Well, here we are.”
Bee Cute had denim like Nell had never seen it. Laced up, cut away, bedazzled, acid washed, rainbow tie-dyed…
A motherly-looking older woman with waist-length hippie hair came out from behind the counter to greet Johnny. “Hey, hey, Rip! I can’t wait ’til your season of Drag Dolls airs, so exciting. What can we find for you today?”
“Ruby! I’m not supposed to talk about it. Wait for July, darling.” He let her hug him, then drew Nell forward. “I have a hard-to-fit friend here. She’s going to Time Rock and needs some truly fuck-off jeans.”
Nell cringed. She couldn’t help it. “I really just need something normal that doesn’t make me look too…” Hard. Unfeminine. Too much muscle. Thighs like tree trunks. Chunky Booty. Every disparaging comment she’d ever overheard came roaring back into her mind. In athletic pants or running shorts, she was an athlete, a competitor, but in jeans…
Johnny took a look at her face and said, “Shit, Nell, what is it?”
She shrugged. “I’ve worked hard for my body. I’m proud of it. But… it’s an athlete’s body, not a girly one. My butt and thighs are, uh, not small. And anything that fits me at the waist is wrong in the butt and too tight in the thighs. I look like a tank.”
“I hate to break it to you,” said the shopkeeper, “but his thighs are bigger than yours, and Ripped Creme can work stretch denim like nobody’s business.”
Johnny wasn’t laughing. “I wish I’d come to meet you in drag today. I could do this so much better as Rip. Fuck.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Okay, look, you’re trying to hide yourself in jeans, picking baggy boyfriend styles, but more fabric isn’t better here. I want you to let Ruby find you something tight and sassy to show off what you’ve got. When AC/DC sang about American thighs, they weren’t talking about toothpicks. Strong thighs are sexy, so make that work for you.”
Nell raised her eyebrows, trying not to let too much of her disbelief show. “At this point, I’ll try anything on.”
Ruby bustled away, and Johnny said, “Your musician boyfriend — has he got a band shirt for you to wear, or…”
“Oh, I don’t think — it would be awkward. He’s, uh, estranged from his… I think you’d call them ex-bandmates at the moment. I don’t want to say too much.”
Johnny gave her a sharp look. “I only know of one band at Time Rock this year that recently dumped their bassist for being a nefarious prick. Please tell me that’s not your man?”
Crap. “He does play bass, but—”
“Nell. We are talking about Easy and Smidge, aren’t we?”
“If you have to know, we’re going to Time Rock so he can apologize for what he did. People make mistakes.”
Now it was Johnny’s turn for raised eyebrows and polite disbelief. “You know he had a pretty bad reputation even before that incident, don’t you?”
All she could think of was Eamonn saying I’d only ever felt part of Smidge when we were all high and it felt less like being abandoned after a show if I was busy screwing my brains
