‘You do know you use Jamie as an excuse to avoid any discussion you don’t want to have?’
She sealed her lips and said nothing.
‘So this is your plan, to pretend nothing has happened?’ he asked, choosing to forget that barely a minute earlier that had been his own plan A.
‘Jamie will always come first,’ Marisa said, looking away as he swung his legs over the side of the low bed they had shared. The flash fire of desire she felt as his naked body was revealed in all its glory scared her; the complete lack of control she’d just displayed scared her.
And with good reason. She knew from experience that where Roman was concerned she had no pride whatsoever, that when he was in the equation need and desire overrode every moral and practical consideration.
She had finally achieved the safety and stability her life had always lacked. Roman was the antithesis of safe and stable; he was wild and unpredictable... If it had only been her own heart and pride she was gambling with she would’ve thrown caution to the wind, she would have followed her heart, her instincts.
But this wasn’t just about what she wanted, what she craved. It couldn’t be. She was a mother now, and it wasn’t enough to tell her son that she loved him—after all, her own father had loved her. She was determined that Jamie would have the stability that she had always longed for growing up.
Roman was in their lives now, but for how long would that last, especially once he realised how she felt about him? The fact she hadn’t blurted out her feelings for him during their recent lovemaking had been luck rather than any caution on her part. If she allowed it to happen again she might not be so lucky next time.
‘Should I have a problem with Jamie coming first? I feel the same way,’ Roman said.
You can talk the talk, Roman, but can you walk the walk? he thought broodingly. If you know your son’s best interests are best served by taking yourself out of his life, will you do the right thing—will you even recognise what the right thing is? Or will you be blinded by love and even blinder to the damage you inflict in its name?
He turned his head sharply, his chest heaving with the effort of pushing away the mocking voice of self-doubt in his head as he countered the argument by admitting that he loved his son, but what he felt for Marisa was likely as much to do with the chemistry of dopamine levels in his brain as any deeper romantic connection.
‘You...?’ She stopped and then redirected her gaze over one of his powerful shoulders, staring off into the distance. ‘Will you put some clothes on? I can’t concentrate when you’re...like that. Just put some clothes on,’ she finished lamely.
Pushing free of the battle in his head, he grinned, eliciting an indignant outburst from her.
‘Do not look so damned smug!’
His grin did not fade as he walked across to a wooden chest the other side of the daybed. Lifting the lid, he rifled through the folded contents and in moments brought out a pair of swimming shorts and a tee shirt.
‘There are swimsuits in there,’ she accused.
Pulling the tee shirt over his head, he paused to nod before smoothing down the fabric that clung to the dampness of his skin, moulding it to the corrugated muscles of his belly. ‘Some.’
‘Why didn’t you mention it before?’
‘You didn’t really give me the chance, did you? You jumped in fully clothed.’
She didn’t respond to this vastly modified version of events.
‘Why did you marry Rupert?’ he suddenly asked.
The shock of the question made Marisa freeze. ‘You know why.’
‘I know there’s something you aren’t telling me, because you wouldn’t have the sense to marry for money.’
‘Dad’s debts were—’ She stopped and gave a deep sigh, deciding to tell him everything. She was certain Rupert wouldn’t have minded her telling the truth to the father of her child. ‘Rupert knew he was dying when he asked me to marry him, Roman, and he had already lost his lover—the love of his life. You see, Rupert was gay. His partner was not out, because he’d been married with a family, and then he died very suddenly. Rupert couldn’t even go to his funeral. So he had no one to be with him during his last illness. I think it broke Rupert’s heart when his lover died, and his biggest fear was being alone when he died.’
‘And so he wasn’t,’ Roman said softly.
She shook her head. ‘No, because I agreed to be his wife, in name only.’ Her eyes lifted and there were tears standing out in them. ‘He really was a very lovely man. A kind, thoughtful person.’
‘He would have made a good father.’
‘You are Jamie’s father.’
‘Yes, I am, and...so I’ve been thinking about Jamie.’ Not exclusively, he had to admit, because he had been mostly thinking about how his and Marisa’s bodies and desires were so perfectly attuned. How much he wanted her.
At what point did wanting become dangerous?
‘Oh?’
He stifled the stab of guilt he felt at what he was about to suggest. He knew he was exploiting her greatest weakness, which was Jamie.
She probably deserved better than he was about to offer.
There was an irony in the acknowledgment when you considered that, to him, for the last few years she had symbolised everything that was treacherous. She had highlighted his weakness, a weakness he hadn’t known he had.
He nodded towards the pile of tumbled pillows. ‘That was great, I hope you’ll agree.’
‘I assume you’re not asking me for reassurance on your technique, Roman, or a score out of ten.’
‘No, but neither am I suggesting marriage.’
Her eyes flew wide. ‘I never thought you were,’ she said faintly. ‘Do you mind telling me what you are suggesting?’
‘That we become a...team.’
‘A team? Is there a uniform? Do we have a coach?’
He frowned at her flippancy. ‘Team Jamie, I mean. Because
