“I’d love a drink, but”—I tapped a thumb on the steering wheel—“I have to drive.”
“So drive to Ellis and Lacey’s house. Park down the street. We’ll drink. We’ll talk. We’ll join the party when we’re good and ready.”
Not what I had in mind, but at least we had a plan. I nodded, fired up the engine, and pulled into the Sunday morning traffic before confessing, “Before you accosted me, I was figuring out how to ditch lunch.”
“I don’t blame you.” Natalie fiddled with the hem of her skirt. “I can’t imagine how hard this is after losing Victoria and the baby.”
I forced my anger into the steering wheel, squeezing hard, and ground my teeth together to keep from screaming. Natalie didn’t deserve my rage. After two measured breaths, I said, “I owe you an apology for the things I said at the funeral. I was in a dark place, needed someone to dump on.”
She nodded in acceptance, curled her lips between her teeth, and stared at her hands. Then her watery eyes met mine. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry for your loss.”
“I know.”
Two blocks from Ellis’s place, I parked under the shade of a tall maple, then turned to face the gorgeous girl with rosy cheeks, dark blond hair, and a smile that reminded me I was flesh and blood human, not a hollow shell. “I’m so angry all the time. So goddamn angry. I look in the mirror and I see me, but my skin doesn’t fit right, like there’s a slithering, vile, black entity underneath this mask I wear.”
“That’s some heavy shit to carry around, Cole.” Natalie again twisted the top off her ridiculous flask, took a swig, then offered me a drink.
I didn’t refuse and reveled in the burn as the liquid hit my throat. “Shit. That is the good stuff.” I took another shot, my chest feeling a hundred pounds lighter.
Then the beauty laughed and said, “Only the best for my friends.”
Goddamn, she looked gorgeous in my Roadster. My chest cracked, my stomach knotted, and that bitter, nasty being under my skin shivered. “Is that what we are, Natalie, friends?”
“Well”—she smirked—“we’re something, Cole Adams, aren’t we?”
I couldn’t help my grin. “A hot mess.”
Again with the laugh, and I wanted nothing more than to turn those giggles into moans.
Instead, I laid my heart at her feet and my palm on her cheek. “I miss this face.”
“Cole.” She blew a long, slow breath, leaned into my touch, conviction hardening her features. Bile rose in my throat. I knew what was coming. Bullshit in the form of you’re grieving, or you had to choose Victoria.
Nobody understood what I suffered. Nobody could comprehend the war of conscience I battled every waking moment of every miserable day.
I pressed a finger to her lips because I didn’t want her response, good or bad. “You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know.” I landed a soft kiss on her forehead and said, “I’m glad you’re here,” then pulled away and settled into my seat, putting distance between us and shielding my black heart. “Tell me about your job.”
Her eyes lit, those gray irises sparkling. “I got promoted to the Corporate Accounts team. Worked my ass off to get there.” Her gaze darkened, and she seemed lost in thought, staring over my shoulder. “I suppose, in a way, I have Victoria to thank. She always told me I’d be a nobody. That I was no prettier or smarter than”—she held up her free hand, making air quotes—“an ugly cow in a field of ugly cows.”
I refrained from punching the dash.
Natalie slumped, then continued. “I never loved school, but I was dead set on proving her wrong, so I graduated top of my class.”
She was a fighter, like her father had said, and she’d fought her way to the top, overcoming the bully.
“Why banking?” I asked, plucking the flask from her hand and downing a shot.
She laughed, shaking her head. “It’s silly, really. When I was little, I loved going to the bank with Mom. They always had lollipops for the kids, and the people were so nice. I thought it was cool they got to work behind those giant glass walls. Started out as a cashier, worked my way up.”
That wasn’t silly. That was Natalie.
For the next half hour, we made small talk. She told me about her promotion. I told her about the new development projects Dad and I had in the works and my plans for expanding CFC.
I got a text from Ellis at the same time Natalie’s phone chimed.
“We better head in,” I grumbled, not ready to leave our safe place, not ready to let her go.
Natalie offered a shy smile that pummeled all my vulnerable places. I held her hand. We walked in silence. Instead of begging her to keep in touch, I kissed her cheek, said, “It was good to see you,” and opened the door, following her inside.
We parted ways. The hole in my heart grew wider but somehow hurt a little less.
Natalie
I found Lacy in the nursery, babe at her breast, lids heavy, cheeks flushed.
“There you are,” she whispered, swinging her free arm wide for a hug.
Our embrace was sloppy but vital, the child our new reality. I kissed Leon’s fuzzy head, that heavenly baby scent eliciting bittersweet emotions.
“Please tell me you were with Cole,” she said, a hint of intrigue in her tone. “He looked like he was going to faint.”
I planted my butt on the fuzzy blue rug next to the rocking chair. “Are you mad I left early?”
“Of course not.” She shifted the baby to the other breast. “Ellis is worried. We’ve hardly seen Cole since the accident.” She winced, adjusted her boob, then continued, “He disappears every night after work, doesn’t return calls.” Lacey’s eyes turned liquid.
Grief and Lacey were
