“You act like it will be a success no matter what.” I scanned his face. His expression was sincere.
“It will be. You think you owe your success to your father and the money, but you’re the one who came up with the idea, approached schools, hired experts, and made sure it ran smoothly.”
I hadn’t thought about it like that.
“And you want to please your dad, but you can’t.”
He thought highly of me, but he didn’t know the whole truth. I couldn’t let him think I was this amazing person because I wasn’t. “I went to law school because Dad wanted me to. I lived in the apartment building he owned. I dated Layton because he wanted me to. I feel like I’m a fraud.”
“You wanted him to love you. You wanted his approval. It’s what any child wants from their parents, but your dad uses that desire against you. To manipulate you.” Cade leaned closer to me, speaking with more force as if he wanted me to believe what he was saying.
Was that what I was doing? I knew there was a shift in our relationship when my mother died. He was the only parent I had left, and I wanted him to fill the void of my mother dying. I shifted so that I faced Cade on the bench, his eyes on mine.
“Of course, he loved me.” But doubts were sinking into my conscious.
“He baited you with his love. He didn’t give it freely. It was his time, attention, and love you wanted.”
I tried to appeal to my dad to spend more time with us after Mom died, but he’d shaken his head and said he worked so much so I could go to private school, my lessons, and activities. With mom gone, we needed him, but it fell on deaf ears. I needed someone when I had a bad day at school and Colin needed him to soothe him when he skinned his knee falling off his bike. Instead, we had nannies. It wasn’t the same. I knew what a parent’s love felt like and after mom died, I searched for that same connection with Dad, but I never got it.
A chill ran over my skin, leaving goosebumps in its wake. I wrapped my arms around my middle, trying to get warm. It was so obvious now that he’d pointed it out. I’d always felt shame that I had given in to my father. I thought I was weak when it was sad. I was seeking what my father couldn’t or wouldn’t give me.
“I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“You didn’t say anything wrong. You’re right. I just need to process things and I’m tired.” I stood. I needed to sift through my childhood memories on my own. Cade listened to a few facts about my life and came to this conclusion.
“I’ll drive you home. It’s too far to walk at night.” He gestured toward the parking lot between the restaurant and the harbor where I assumed he’d parked earlier.
“That would be great. Thanks.”
He took my elbow, steering me to the parking lot. He helped me inside his truck.
I felt like I should say something to fill the silence which had fallen between us, but I couldn’t think of anything.
He drove through the packed streets with people going out to bars and restaurants. He parked in front of my apartment.
“This is me. Thanks for the ride.” I placed my hand on the door, wondering if I should thank him for pointing out what should have been obvious all along.
“Wait.”
I paused but didn’t look at him. “I’m sorry if I upset you. I’m not around people much. Maybe I was too blunt, or you weren’t ready to hear it—”
I stiffened, my shoulders creeping up toward my ears.
He leaned over and covered my hand with his. “I’m sorry.”
“I promise you didn’t say anything wrong. I’m a little embarrassed. I didn’t realize what was going on. I always thought I was weak for going along with what he wanted and maybe I still am—wanting my Dad to love me. It sounds pathetic.”
“You’re not pathetic. You’re anything but. You’re strong, courageous, and kind.”
I sunk back into the seat as warmth spread through my body. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Now, let’s get you inside.” He opened the door, rounded the hood, and opened my door.
It was a courtesy I was used to from my ex-boyfriends, but it was different with Cade. It wasn’t just a courtesy or a gesture—I felt safe with him. If something happened, he’d protect me.
Layton would have protected himself first. Maybe that’s why I never trusted him or felt at ease with him. He was all about appearances, how he looked, how others perceived him. He didn’t waste time worrying about how I felt or if we were on the same page. If he wanted to get married, I did too. It never entered his mind that I wouldn’t, and maybe that was my fault. I should have been clear about my wants and needs. I was so used to pleasing my dad maybe I’d transferred that same idea to Layton. I was too busy pleasing him and not pleasing myself.
I walked with Cade down the sidewalk and up the steps leading to my apartment. The breeze off the water lifted my hair. The sounds of crickets and frogs permeated the otherwise quiet night. I paused on the wrap-around deck.
“This is nice.” Cade looked over my shoulder at the water.
“It’s what sold me on this place.” I unlocked the door but hesitated my palm on the wood ready to push it open. “Thanks for seeing me home.”
“You’re welcome. Look, I’m sorry again if things got too personal. I shouldn’t be giving anyone advice.”
“No. It was perfect. It was exactly what I needed to hear.” He thought I was strong, courageous, and kind. I wouldn’t forget that anytime soon.
Chapter Thirteen
Hadley
The next morning, I woke early. When I came home
