It didn’t matter. This was something I needed to do alone, anyway. Now that the initial shock of finding out who my real mother was had worn off, I was ready to learn everything.
After checking with Kira and borrowing two flowerberry seeds and some puckerberry juice from her, I was ready for the spell. I sat on Liam’s bed, the down comforter sinking in around me, as I ground the seeds with the mortar and pestle Kira had loaned me. Adding three drops of puckerberry, I gulped. Seeing this, seeing an actual memory of the queen’s…it would make it so real. Was I ready?
Yes. I had to know. I had to know what was real, and with Indra messing with everyone’s memories, this was the only way to discern the truth. I coiled the queen’s pink hair into the poultice and took a deep breath. Reaching into the stone bowl, I globbed a large amount of the thick paste onto my fingertips and closed my eyes, rubbing it over each lid. Then I lay back on Liam’s bed.
“Memories, memories, reveal yourselves to me.”
The second the words left my lips, my mind was assaulted with feelings and thoughts I didn’t recognize. It was actually slightly terrifying, and I had to remind myself that this was a spell and I could wash the paste off to stop it.
I thought of my mother and instantly was pulled into a memory that wasn’t mine. It was like I was in the queen’s body—I was experiencing this as her.
She was running down a long hallway inside of a big castle. Probably Spring Castle, which was now lost to the darkness of Faerie.
She looked down at her arms, and a shock ran through me. She was holding a young toddler. Maybe a one-year-old, from the looks of her, with fuzzy pink hair.
It was me.
The queen burst through a bedroom door, and I was stunned to see my mom so young. She looked my age, barely twenty, and was sitting on my dad’s lap. Seeing him in the memory brought tears to my eyes.
“Violet!” the queen shouted in desperation.
My mom’s eyes darkened as she took in the queen’s distraught appearance. “What’s wrong? Is Lily unwell?”
The queen shook her head. “The Winter King marches here now with his army. He’s killing all of the heirs. Faerie has fallen into darkness. Queen Isana has ordered the Spring Court to stay and fight.”
My mom stood, and my father stepped up behind her. “Killing heirs? This war is pointless! Why is Spring even getting involved?”
I could feel my chest heave with emotion, as if I were feeling everything the queen felt.
“We must side with Summer, lest we be wiped out,” the queen said.
“Gods,” my mother breathed.
My young baby-self cooed, then, reaching up to tangle my fingers in the queen’s hair. Extreme grief overwhelmed my body as the queen’s emotions slammed into me one by one. She was terrified that I would be killed in the war.
The Winter King was trying to take over the realm and become the supreme ruler, no longer happy as one of four. He wanted things to be run his way, and he was willing to fight for it. He wanted all of Faerie to be a cold winter land, and because his Halfling son had just died, he wanted to punish the other royals for it by killing their children.
Reaching out with shaking hands, the queen handed me to my mom. “Vi, she’s all I care about. You must protect her with your life. If I fall, then you must raise her for me.”
I could read the queen’s thoughts. Her husband had died just last week fighting on the border, trying to keep the Winter Court from infiltrating. My mom and I were literally all she had. A sob escaped my throat as the queen’s memory overwhelmed me.
“Dahlia…what? No. I’ll stay and fight with you.” My mom tried to hand me back to the queen, but she shook her head, taking a step backward.
“We may only be half-sisters, but you are the only one I trust to keep Lily safe. This war has changed people. I need to know that she will be okay…that you’ll both be okay.”
My mom looked horrified as she cradled me. “Dahl…I—”
Someone burst into the room then, a fae guard wearing the old metal armor of the Spring Court. “Your Majesty, the Winter Army has breached the south wall.”
The queen tipped her chin high, a fierce swell of emotion radiating up through her chest. “Load the cannons, line the archers along the west wall, and prepare to fight. We defend Spring with everything we have. I won’t be forced out of my own court.”
“Oh, my gods,” my mom breathed behind the queen.
When the queen spun, my mom stepped forward with me in her arms, and they embraced, my little body tucked between them.
“I will protect her with my last breath and raise her as if she were my own,” my mom said.
Back in the memory, the queen looked down at me and touched my nose. “I love you, Daughter of Light.” Then she kissed my forehead, and a tear rolled from her cheek onto my baby face. “Now, go!” the queen roared. “There’s no more time! I’ll Seek you. When it’s over, I’ll Seek you both to the ends of Faerie, and we will be together again.”
It hit me that the queen and my mother had both been Seekers—it was a genetic gift, a royal gift. There were probably more memories I could see. I could search for so much more, but I didn’t want to. I’d become overwhelmed with grief. Tears streamed down my temples and onto Liam’s pillow.
Snapping my eyelids open, I stumbled to the bathroom and vigorously rubbed the paste off with hand soap. When I was done, I blotted my face dry and looked at myself in the mirror.
There was no denying it now.
