She stiffened. “I don’t want you to feel obligated.”
“I’m already part of this, but that’s not what I meant. I mean I know how it feels—felt once—to be utterly alone.”
Her gaze softened. “You mean when you were a little boy?”
Ever since he’d come to Barren to see Hadley last Christmas, the memories he thought he’d left behind years ago hadn’t let him be. Each time he almost let them in, they seemed to draw closer, tighter around him, to become more vivid. They would never leave unless he took them out, looked at them, deprived them of their power, and it was Lizzie he wanted to tell now.
He ran a hand through his hair. “A while ago my mom said she thinks that, because of what I went through then, I’ve been standing in my own way. I told you Hadley and I got separated years ago, didn’t see each other for a couple of decades, but before you and I go any further, I want you to know the rest.” He cleared his throat. “Our folks threw us out like garbage when I was about five years old and Hadley was seven. The state took over,” he said. “In foster care we moved around, house to house, family to family, and we stayed together, but we never belonged anywhere.” Except with each other.
“Were there good people who cared for you?”
“Some, sure. Others, not much.” He stared down at his hands. “My worst was the last place with Hadley. They already had a bunch of foster kids, made a nice living off them. The couple drove fancy cars, wore fine clothes, ate well...we got the dregs. There was rarely enough to eat and I’m talking mac and cheese from a box, mostly. Stuff like that.” Lizzie sat stone-faced, listening but not saying a word. “Pathetic, huh?” He swallowed hard. “The discipline could get rough. Their abuse scared me, but it made Hadley mad.”
“He’s a good big brother,” she murmured, her voice tight.
He shook his head. “I’m not telling you this to gain sympathy. I just want you to know what you’re dealing with here. My mom also said she can see the damage in me.” The images rolled through his head like an old film. “I never fought back, but Hadley did, so they often punished me for something—didn’t have to be anything much—that my brother had done. That last time, they shut me in the bedroom we’d shared, locked him out. They didn’t feed me for days. Hadley was afraid I’d starve to death. So was I. When he got desperate enough, my then ten-year-old brother took food for me from the corner store.”
“Because he loved you,” she murmured.
Dallas’s throat ached. “When the store owner contacted the authorities, the state investigated then took us out of that house—that was the good part—but Hadley was sent to juvenile detention. After he got out, I don’t know where he went. By then I was with the Maguires. His record was sealed.”
She touched his arm. “Dallas, that’s dreadful.” Her voice sounded hoarse. “You were just little boys. Like Jordan and Seth.” Lizzie hesitated. “My friend Annabelle had a similar experience except she was an only child. You should talk to her sometime.”
“Maybe, but it’s a miracle Hadley and I found each other again. Mom was right about me. I think, because of all that, I...freaked out about the baby. I’ve never liked being cornered, which is how that felt at first.” Like Calvin. “But I take full responsibility. I’ll gladly pay support, but I can’t offer you the kind of life you thought you had with Harry, that you must still need now.” He held up his hands. “So, where do we go from here?”
Her gaze held the sympathy he hadn’t wanted. Her touch on his arm was like a healing balm. “I understand better now what you went through as a child. I think that’s why you’re completely devoted to the Maguires, why you want to see them cared for, even why you don’t want a...wife and family.” She withdrew her hand from his. “But for me, a part-time relationship would never work. If I needed proof, all I’d have to do is think of my divorce. Of how life was before that with Harry. Oh, Dallas. The timing is still wrong. For both of us.”
He couldn’t answer that. He didn’t have those words either, only the soft look in her eyes that told him maybe there was a solution for them, even after he’d just spilled his darkest secret. Dallas held her gaze with his, knowing his eyes must show her how serious he was.
When he took her in his arms, she didn’t resist, and he had the oddest feeling this was where she belonged too. “Ah, Lizzie,” he whispered, then his mouth covered hers. Dallas put a little more into this kiss than he had before, savoring the feel of her lips until it finally ended, and to Dallas’s utter astonishment, she laughed. After he’d shared his worst time with her tonight, she’d stayed in his arms, that sheer, unexpected joy wrapped around them like another warm embrace. “We must be crazy,” was all she said. And laughed again.
Dallas wished this tentative truce between them wasn’t so fragile, but if they weren’t straight with each other, they wouldn’t have any chance at all. “We don’t have the answers yet,” he said. “But I think they’re worth looking for.”
Dallas couldn’t say where this moment might take them, but the possibility had been there in her laughter, and for now it
