I was relieved it didn’t make me sick right away. A bit later though, I had to excuse myself and go into the woods to expel the now-foreign substance from my stomach.
When I returned to the fire, everyone was cleaning up. I approached Alarick first. I didn’t want him to think I was poaching his pack. After pulling him aside to give us a little privacy, I took a deep breath and dove in. “I’ve been thinking about leaving.”
“I’ll walk you back,” he said.
“No, I mean leaving here,” I said. “I want to give your pack the chance to join me, but they’re your pack, and I wanted to talk to you about it first.”
Alarick gave me a long, searching look. “You want to leave Ravenwood Forest with my pack.”
“Yes,” I said.
“Do you know what happens to an Alpha without a pack?”
“No, I don’t mean I’d take them from you,” I said quickly. “I meant that you’d all come with me. If you want. Or just whoever wants to.”
“Oh,” he said, giving me a sour look.
“Okay, so I’m guessing that’s a no,” I said. “But hear me out. I think there are werewolves out there. Mr. Ravenwood found some within our lifetime. He said they’re under intense magical protections so no one can find them. But they might still be out there. Instead of bringing humans here and hoping one will be a viable candidate, what if we went out there and looked for some natural wolves that your dad might have missed. Some of your pack could find mates.” I paused, gulping down my nerves. “You could find a mate.”
“I already chose a mate,” Alarick said, glowering at me. “But she turned into the enemy.”
“I’m not your enemy,” I said. “Just because you don’t like vampires, that doesn’t mean every one of us is evil.”
“You chose the vampires.”
“No,” I said. “You chose to exile me from your pack.”
“I’ve seen you leaving Viktor’s room,” he growled. He slid his hand around the side of my neck, lifting my chin with his thumb so he could examine my neck. “Is he the one leaving these marks?”
My heart stammered in my chest at the thought of what I’d been doing with Viktor all those nights. The bites healed, but apparently the fact that I was still alive, with warm blood and a beating heart, meant that I could still get hickeys, unlike Viktor. But this wasn’t about that.
I shook my head. “I chose you, not Viktor.”
“Doesn’t seem like it.”
I sighed and pulled away from his exposing grip. “You broke up with me, Alarick. What I did while we were apart is none of your business. But if you want to go there, you have quite a reputation with the ladies, and it’s not like I expect you to have turned into a monk while we were apart.”
He glared, and I thought he wasn’t going to answer, but at last he did, though it was a change of subject that might as well have been a confession. “If you’re a vampire, why do you still have a heartbeat?” he asked.
I shrugged. “Mr. Ravenwood says I was already something else. Maybe that’s why I can’t be completely vampire or completely werewolf. My heart stopped, but it started up again instead of staying quiet like a regular vampire. But yes, I drink blood. I have vampire teeth. I can’t pretend I’m someone else just because vampires make you uncomfortable.”
“I didn’t ask you to,” he said, glaring down at me like I’d offended him.
I planted a hand on my hip and looked right back at him, refusing to back down like everyone else did. “Really?”
“All I ever wanted was to protect you,” he said. “I sat by your bed every minute while you turned into a wolf. Why would you think this was any different?”
“You were going to sit by my bed while I turned into a bloodthirsty fiend?”
“Yes.”
“While the girl you claimed to love, the girl you said you’d choose as a mate, turned into the thing you hate most.”
“Yes, damn it,” Alarick burst out. “I don’t give a single fuck what you turn into. You’re still you, and I would have been there for you. But you refused to see me.”
“Because I was ashamed,” I said, my own voice as full of frustration and anguish as his. “Can’t you understand that? I was a disgusting monster. I was disgusting to myself. I wasn’t going to let you see me that way, knowing that even a normal vampire is disgusting to you.”
“Yeah, well, don’t confuse the facts, Timberlyn. You’re the one who broke up with me. Not the other way around. You turned into a vampire, and you made it pretty fucking clear you wanted nothing to do with me. For four fucking months you refused to even let me see you.”
“I told you why,” I said, crossing my arms and glaring up at him. “You could try to be understanding.”
“I might be if you hadn’t been seeing Viktor and your vampire friends every fucking day during that time.”
“They were bringing me food,” I snapped. “You want me to starve?”
“No,” he said. “I just wanted a chance to apologize, but you wouldn’t even give me that.”
“Apologize for what?” I asked in disbelief.
He gave me a hard look. “Because I fucking failed you. I didn’t protect you that day. I’m your mate and your alpha. I should have died protecting you before I let one of my pack—especially you—be
