“Her faith in men is rock bottom now. Be patient. Alice is fragile. Hurting. She may well lash out and if so, you will likely bear the brunt of it. Your relationship with her would come under great strain.”
Ian grimaced. “Great.”
“I hope it’s strong enough to take it.”
80
As Alice glanced around the surgery, she couldn't help but think the doctor’s pleasant nature contrasted with the equipment. The sight of the raised stirrups made her want to bolt.
Following courtesies and reassuring words, Dr Miriam Lambert asked Alice to go behind a screen, undress and put on a gown. Then Miriam directed her to the reclining chair with the stirrups.
As Alice shifted onto the chair, her breathing increased. She felt her heartbeat rise. Miriam looked at her with concern. “Are you all right, Alice?”
She shook her head. “I’m not sure. But I want to do this.”
“Good. You can stop any time. Remember that. You’re doing well, Alice.”
Alice lay back in the chair and Miriam lowered it. When she took hold of Alice’s ankle and placed it in the stirrup, Alice tensed and gasped. Miriam looked up. “You’re doing great Alice. It’s okay. Everything’s okay.”
Alice blinked back tears. She shut her eyes tight. But nothing could prevent the sound of ripping tape and fastening Velcro filling her head. As Miriam placed her other ankle in the stirrup, Alice had to fight hard to stop herself from kicking out. She took great deep breaths and opened her eyes. Perhaps the bright lights and medical environment would help.
“Is it all right for me to continue Alice?”
“Y… Yes.” It was almost a whisper.
“Don’t worry. I’ll be gentle. This may feel cold.”
Alice gripped the sides of the chair. She arched her back and tried to think of anything to take her mind off Flanagan’s straps and gloved fingers. But when she felt the cold steel probe her, she pulled her hips back. “No. Please. No. It's just like...”
“I’ll stop. It’s okay, Alice. Everything’s okay.” Miriam released her legs and set them down.
Alice swung over to one side, put her feet on the ground and sobbed for several minutes. Then she spoke in faltering tones. “I’m s… sorry. I… feel so weak. So scared. And it’s getting worse… it’s… like I’m afraid of men. P… penetration terrifies me. That’s not normal, is it?”
Miriam sat on a chair close by. She handed over a tissue, and Alice sniffled into it. “Don't worry Alice. I know how difficult it is. You are not weak. You are normal. It takes exceptional courage to do this. I could give you something to help. A Valium or Xanax?”
Alice shook her head. “No. But thanks.” She snuffled and wiped her eyes. “Sorry. Oh God...” She stared at the ground. Her teeth dug into her lower lip so much it hurt. Once again, she held on tight to the edge of the chair. Minutes passed in silence, broken only by occasional footsteps passing on the other side of the door. Then she heard voices followed by low laughter from the corridor outside. Normal life walked by, oblivious to her problems.
“Why don't you get dressed, Alice? We’ll talk more then.” Miriam rose from the chair, but Alice waved her hand.
“Wait, please.” Alice nodded several times, more to herself than anything else. She released her grip on the seat and flexed her hands. With another deep breath, she raised her head and looked at Miriam. “I am not weak.” She sat upright and folded her arms. “I may be frightened, but I am strong. I will not let this control me. So come on. Let’s do this. And without the pills. I want to do this for myself.” She sat up on the chair and hooked her ankles into the stirrups herself. Then she lay back. “Okay, Doctor. Go ahead. Do whatever you have to do.”
81
The taxi dropped Alice off outside her house. She stopped at the gate and studied the street for suspicious characters. Then she hurried to the front door and inserted the key into the latch. Before she opened the door, she glanced around again. A vehicle door slammed shut, and she felt a thump in her chest. She went to twist the key, but nothing happened. She looked around again and jabbed at the bell several times in rapid succession.
Ian opened the door and she rushed in. “Christ,” she said. “I feel like a terrified child.”
“How did it go?”
“Horrible.” She shuddered at the memory. “But it’s over.” She took her phone from her bag and followed Ian into the kitchen.
Ian looked at her and pulled on his ear.
“What now?” she asked.
“They let Flanagan go.”
Alice’s eyes widened and she grabbed a hold of the counter. “Why?”
“I spoke to Paul. An unpleasant conversation, however, it seems Mark Flanagan has an alibi. There is a plausible alternative, the police believe someone else got a copy of the keys and the alarm code during a viewing. Did the police call you?”
“My mobile has been off all day.” The phone shook in her hand as she powered it on. When it beeped into life, there were several voice mails and texts, she listened to the message Kapoor had left.
“Alice, It’s DS Meera Kapoor. I’m sorry, but we had to release Mark Flanagan. Can you call me when you get this? I’m off shift now, but I will leave my phone on.”
Alice called her. It rang for a long time and Alice was about to give up when a groggy voice answered. “Hello?”
“It’s Alice Madsen. You let the estate agent go?”
Kapoor groaned on the other end. “Uh. Yeah. It wasn't him.”
“So who was it?”
“We don't know yet. We will try to identify him.”
“How long will that take?
