I remember the way my parents would refuse to listen when I got ‘overly emotional’. Instead of trying to understand what I was feeling, they assumed I was throwing a tantrum to get my way and treated me accordingly. As I got older and could communicate more adequately, they were so used to ‘dealing’ with me it was useless to try and explain.
Crowds overwhelm me, give me anxiety, in ways I can’t explain. It would be one thing if it were isolated to strangers, but even around larger groups of family I’m familiar with I still get that unstable feeling. It’s like I’m angry, sad, happy, and depressed all at the same time and I have no idea why. It’s suffocating.
Lost in self-pity, I fall into a restless sleep filled with dreams of being trapped in a horrible relationship with Henri for the rest of my life. It’s enough to jolt me awake and call my cousin.
“Lars?” Etienne’s worried voice greets me when he answers my call. “What’s wrong? Where are you?”
“I’m okay, but I need your help.”
“Done. What am I doing?”
“I need out of this town, away from my parents.”
“And they’ll try and stop you, eh?”
“Right. Can you help me get somewhere before they try to intervene?”
“You sure this is what you want to do? Move far away?”
“Mother’s given me no choice. Now, she's forcing Henri on me and I can’t handle it anymore. I’ll never be who she wants me to be. I just want to live my life the way I want.”
“Aunt Isabella doesn’t make things easy for you, does she?” His disapproval of my mother’s behavior is apparent as he speaks. “We have a chapter down in Bel Mar. I’ll get in touch with them. Get something set up. How soon can you be ready?”
“I don’t have much in my apartment. A day or two?”
“Get it all sorted. I’ll have a few prospects help load you up right before we leave.”
“Perfect. Thank you,” I tell him. My voice is shaky as I fight back tears of relief and that my cousin, the big badass MC enforcer, has to come to my rescue.
“I’ll be in touch,” he ends the call without hesitation and I’d never expect anything less.
Turning my phone off, I let it fall in my lap and lean back against the headboard. Closing my eyes, I let the realization sink in as I think about the next unknown phase in my life.
There’s no escaping Isabella’s determination, but I am not going to be trapped. I just hope Etienne gets me out of here quickly.
344
Hacker
“Just give me a few minutes,” I tell my animal as we approach the Saginaw River. It borders the north side of club lands, giving us a safe place to hunt when our cats need to roam. There is a small shed near it on the northern side and it’s where I park my bike whenever the weather is bad. Even though winters in Michigan are rough, my cat likes to roam as much as possible regardless of the snow.
Pulling up to the empty shed I’m relieved to be the only one out here tonight. Seeing my brothers with their mates increases my cat’s restlessness. It’s like he’s looking for something unknown. Frustrating as hell, is what it is. He’s impatient on a good day, but this is getting out of control.
Bike parked, I take a good look around while stretching my muscles. Sitting in my office chair all day for weeks isn’t doing them any favors. He’s nearly at his breaking point, so I release a deep breath and let him have the reigns.
“Okay.” Before I’m even finished speaking, he’s taken over and I’m on four paws. Letting out a bloodthirsty roar, I’m leaping through the air to land in a dead run toward the river.
“Why are you so angry?” I ask as we weave through trees and shrubs in a blur.
Need her.
“Who?” I don’t understand why I ask because I already know the answer, sort of.
“Mate,” he snaps, his speed not slowing until we reach the river bank.
“We don’t even know if she exists,” I argue pointlessly. He lets out another roar, this time out of frustration His bi-polar behavior gives me a headache.
“Mate. I feel her.” His cry of desperation sends the same emotion running through me.
How?
“Don’t know,” He replies with another desperate mewl. His longing to find her overcomes me and I suddenly comprehend the turmoil he’s dealing with the past few weeks. Somehow, I blocked it out of my own mind, keeping my focus on the club and everything that’s been going down with that conniving son of a bitch trying to take our lands.
Without preamble, He starts sprinting along the edge of the river bank at a fast pace, stopping for nothing until we reach the property lines where we leap into the warm summer river water and swim to the opposite shore and back. I relax and enjoy the outdoors as He, still full of energy, swims half a mile before climbing onto our riverbank and runs back to where we started. Finally tired, He climbs a nearby tree and settles us halfway to the top on a thick branch.
“Why didn’t you tell me any of this before?” I ask when he lays his head on his front paws.
Threat to the club. Can’t leave.
“But we need to find her. We need to look,” I argue but he begins to growl.
“Have to protect our brothers so we must stay.” He closes his thoughts from me and I know this conversation is over. I’m left with the hollow feeling I’ve been ignoring and feel more unsettled than ever. He won’t be happy until we’ve found her. Now that I’ve faced what I’ve been ignoring, nor will I.
Staring into the night, I find myself yearning to go North for no reason I can explain. Ears
