“You were hurt,” she finally mumbles. The vibration of her words is felt through me, I’m worried that she hasn’t moved since I got her in my arms. Her little arms are shaking and all I wanna do is fix whatever it is she needs me to.
“I’m sorry that you dreamt about that, princess. But as you can see, I’m okay, sweetie,” I soothingly state.
“The bad man is coming,” she begins to cry all over again. I helplessly look up at Star, lost for words of comfort.
“Ella, baby, look at Momma,” Star says as she kneels on the ground before us. Ella hesitantly lifts her head and looks over at Star. “When we dream, it’s what we’re scared of most happening to us, or those we love, that comes out. It’s how our mind processes.”
“Processes?” Ella tilts her head as if she’s trying to decipher what that word means.
“Process means that it’s how we think things out. When we are awake, our mind doesn’t have enough time to do that, because we’re always thinking about what we want to do next. So, when we close our eyes, that’s when those things happen in our dreams. Do you understand, Ella?” Star asks.
I can tell Star is trying to use the easiest words out there to describe these emotions and feelings to our daughter, but how do you get it through to a two-year-old that dreams are where our nightmares hit us the most?
“Nothing’s gonna happen to me, Ella Bella,” I say, tickling her belly, eliciting a small giggle from her. There, that’s better, this emotion I can deal with. “Why don’t you let me get dressed and we’ll all head down and have some breakfast with everyone else.” I want her to move forward, to put this horrid beginning of her morning behind her. I want to see her smiles and hear her giggles, not her worry and tears.
When I get done putting on clothes, Ella and Star are dressed and waiting for me. “What would you like for breakfast this morning, princess?” I inquire. She’s been exploring new and different foods since she came to live at the club.
“I want an omelet,” she profusely states.
“Filled with cheese?” I exaggeratedly asks, because I have discovered that this little girl loves melted cheese on just about anything.
“Lots and lots of cheese, Daddy.” I swear my heart just skipped a beat. I worried that the first time she called me daddy was a fluke, a desperate reaction to her bad dream. So, her saying it this go around, means that I’ve captured her heart the same way she has stolen mine.
Star
There’s nothing worse than being woken up by the screams of your child. I think my heart literally leapt into my throat when I heard that fear come out of her tiny body. She’s now helping Shamus break eggs and has bounced back as if nothing ever took place. It doesn’t take long for the smell of coffee brewing and the aroma of eggs and bacon to arouse a sleeping clubhouse.
Soon, we’re bombarded with members, ladies and children. The thickness of the morning is soon forgotten as we devour our morning breakfast. This is a family affair and I find myself laughing as Jaggar tries to scoop a handful of eggs into his mouth with a look of wonderment.
I almost travel down the long, windy road of things I didn’t get to experience with Ella, until Shamus nudges my shoulder.
“I’m sorry, what?” I ask, embarrassed that the whole table is now staring in my direction.
“I was asking what you thought about starting a search for a home. The clubhouse is great and all, but we need to start putting down some roots,” Shamus repeats himself.
“Is it safe?” I inquire, worried that Jeremiah and Gray are still out there.
“It will be. But we can start looking now and get the paperwork rolling,” he imparts. “I’d like for us to have our own home, a sanctuary for just us.”
My heart begins to pound and excitement of a new home hits me. A home of my own, to do with as I please. Shamus is making all of my dreams come true. “It sounds perfect, I’ve been dreaming of the day when I can have a home of my own.”
“We have a couple of options available to us,” he says, capturing my attention.
“What are those, Shamus?”
“We can build here on the compound like Kruger and Stella, or we can look for a home that’s already built near Charlee and Cameron.”
That’s a tough decision. Being close to my sister is exciting, but it’ll take months if not close to a year to have a house built, but if we get one that’s already built, we could move in as soon as the whole Jeremiah thing is put to rest.
All three of the women whip their heads around in my direction with pleading looks. But it’s the excitement in my sister’s that makes the decision an easy one for me. “I think I’d like to build near my sister.”
“Yes!” Stella pumps her arms in the air the same way Ella does when she’s excited about something. My little girl mimics her aunt and we all burst out laughing.
“It will take a bit to find the house of our dreams, Star. We already have a builder, but Kruger’s house is up first. That potentially leaves us living here for the next year or so, are you good with that?” Shamus asks me.
I know what he’s worried about. He doesn’t want me to feel trapped, but what he doesn’t understand, is that where he’s worried this will feel like captivity to me, it’s anything but.
“This is our family, Shamus. This place, this compound, has become a home for me and Ella. I’d like to stay here.”
“You’re fucking perfect. How the fuck did a loser like me get so lucky as to get a woman like you?” His puzzled look is unfounded.
“It’s the other way
