understand the meaning behind it all.

That’s not the case for me today.

This time, it is sitting heavy on my chest.

When we pull in as a unit, my chest seizes, I cannot believe this is happening. This man taught me how to ride a motorcycle, he was the first man who I saw when I stepped up on the stage graduation day. For every big milestone in my life, he was present for. In one way or another, this man made time in his life to show me what family and brotherhood is about.

Letting him go, knowing I’ll never see his smiling face again, brings sadness to each and every one of us. My Ella will never know what a loving touch he has, how he can manage to make one of the worst things in your life turn into a learning experience. He helped me set goals and reach every fucking one of them.

I’ll teach her everything you did me, Zero. I’ll kiss all of her boo-boo’s and remind her that just because you fall down sometimes, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed… just like you did for me. Gonna miss you, brother.

As soon as I grow enough courage to follow the others inside, seeing the closed casket in front of us has my knees nearly buckling. Star and Ella rode with the women in one of the vans, as soon as they see me come in, they both make their way toward me.

“Daddy?” Ella holds her arms up wanting me to lift her up. I oblige, needing this comfort right now. Star wraps her arms around me from behind and places a small kiss to the middle of my shoulder blades.

Gunner is on the stage’s platform, he leans over toward the mic and announces, “If everyone will take their seat, we’ll get started.”

As a unit, we find our seats in the pews. I keep Ella in my lap and Star at my side. Star’s hand reaches out for mine and she interlaces her fingers with my own. Her touch helps ground me, and reminds me that sometimes in life we will lose people, but we still have others that are there to help guide us through.

Gunner clears his throat before he begins speaking. “Losing a member of your family is never easy. We will feel Zero’s loss every day from here forward. This man gave his life for the club in more ways than one. Zero joined the DreamCatcher MC at the ripe old age of seventeen. He fell in love with a young woman in town, not many of you will remember her, we lost her young, she was only eighteen when she passed away. She was eight months pregnant and was on her way to see her doctor when she was in a head-on collision with a big truck. He ended up jackknifing and took the young mother-to-be’s life. Zero never recovered from their loss, instead, he dedicated himself to the young members of the club. He became one of our mentors, made it his life’s ambition to make sure we understood safety and drilled into our heads that you never got behind the wheel or on the seat of your bike if you were too tired to be driving. His home became a safe haven for many youngsters on the streets. He took in many young men who eventually joined the MC.”

As if it’d been previously rehearsed, Blaze, Stinger, Romeo and Bear stand up. They are four of the men who were a victim of the system and chose the streets instead of foster care. Zero made sure they each finished school and learned a trade to become successful in life. Who knows what could have become of my brothers if Zero hadn’t been the man he was and took them in. They stand long enough to pay their respects then take their seats again.

“Thank you,” Gunner appreciatively says to them. “I’d like to believe that Zero is finally at peace looking down at us with his wife and unborn child at his side. For you, Zero, we will live each damn day to the fullest and not take those we love for granted. Thank you for being who you were.” With a tear in his eye, Gunner steps down and the preacher takes his place.

When the preacher is done highlighting Zero’s life and saying words of praise, we all stand up to escort the casket to the limo that’ll be taking Zero to his final resting place.

The plot that he’ll be laid to rest at is next to his young family. We all grew up hearing about the love story of Zero and Trudy, but most of us were too young or not born yet when she passed. She’s always been a myth that we never put a face to, but for Zero, she was always very much alive. He talked out loud to her whenever he’d been filled with spirits. He was always asking her for a sign that he was doing the right thing. I can now see where he was coming from, with Star in my life, I’d never be able to find and love another. I’d still reach out for her and visit her every day.

There will never be another woman for me.

She’s it.

The graveside service is over as quickly as it started. Each one of us men use the shovel that’s buried in the sand on top of him. It’s our private time to say goodbye.

The first part of the evening, we’ll party.

Later, we torture Gray, who’s been on ice waiting for us to deal with him.

We’ve fed him, soaked him down with a water hose to keep him from stinking up the basement of the clubhouse.

We’re giving him just enough time to come to grips with the ending of his life. Not because we were not ready to deal with him, but because we wholeheartedly felt it would give him a false sense of security.

Just when he

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