‘It’s not too late to back out,’ Amanda pipes up from where she lounges on the bed, pillows piled up behind her as she puffs on a vape, a glass of champagne in her other hand. A cloud of sickly-sweet smelling smoke surrounds her thick dark hair as she smiles, but there is a touch of something caustic in her tone.
‘She’s got a point. You could call it off now, there’s still time,’ Sadie says, and I think she’s joking, only she’s not smiling. ‘Only kidding, Rupert and Emily are perfect for each other, aren’t you, Em?’
‘Absolutely.’ I let out a laugh, something made up of relief and nerves, before I take another, larger sip of wine, trying to quell the sudden fluttering in my stomach. ‘This is everything I’ve ever wanted. Rupert is everything I ever wanted.’ I honestly can’t wait until one o’clock, when I will become Mrs Milligan.
‘Shame your parents couldn’t be here, Emily,’ Amanda says, swinging her legs round so she is sitting up. Her hair and make-up are perfect as always, and I haven’t seen her even pick up a mascara wand since she got here. ‘We were looking forward to meeting them.’
‘They live in Florida,’ I say, trying not to let Amanda’s words get to me, not today. Amanda made a few comments the previous evening as we had dinner together, mentioning Rupert and Caro’s wedding a couple of times as she got more and more drunk, but I refused to react. ‘Unfortunately, they just couldn’t make it over. They had already booked a cruise.’ I had sent my mother and – Jim? Jack? I couldn’t remember his name – the clipping of my engagement from The Times but hadn’t heard anything back. I had no idea if my mother was on a cruise or not, although chances were, she was. But I didn’t want to confess that to Rupert’s family, so it was just easier to tell a white lie.
‘Oh, gosh. So, they booked this cruise before you even met Rupert then?’ Sadie says, her eyes widening.
I turn my gaze back to the mirror under the pretence of checking my lipstick, and pretend I haven’t heard Sadie’s comment, my eyes flicking towards Amanda’s reflection in the glass. I think back to the image of myself in the street in Brighton, fear written all over my face, and I shake it away. This is supposed to be the happiest day of my life.
‘Em, you should probably think about getting into your dress. Shall I give you a hand?’ Sadie takes one last sip of champagne and places her empty glass on the bureau, as Amanda gets up and stretches.
‘I need to get dressed. I’ll be next door if you need me. Emily, I’ll see you at the church.’ She stalks away, her legs even longer than usual in her tiny hotel dressing gown. I say nothing, but watch her leave, feeling myself exhale as the door closes behind her.
‘Now.’ Keen to dissipate the tension that thickens the air, Sadie bustles over to the wardrobe to where my dress hangs – the dress it has taken us hours to decide on. It’s a simple, elegant Grecian style dress that would be better suited to a beach wedding – at least that’s what I thought at first glance, but Sadie was adamant I should try it on – and I fell in love with it as soon as the silky fabric pooled over my body. ‘Let’s get you into this dress. You’re going to look amazing – Rupert won’t know what hit him.’
The ceremony goes off without a hitch, even though I am nervous all the way through that I’ll stumble over my words or call Rupert by the wrong name. The butterflies in my stomach only fade away when the vicar announces that Rupert ‘may now kiss the bride’ and Rupert turns to me, bending me backwards from the waist in his arms as he presses his mouth to mine. I am flushed and laughing when he pulls me upright, my bouquet almost tumbling out of my arms. I grin at him, mouthing the words, ‘I love you,’ relieved that it is done, that our fate together is sealed. My legs turn to jelly as Rupert smiles back at me, his arm snaking around my waist and pulling me close. When the vicar turns to the congregation and says, ‘May I present to you, Mr and Mrs Milligan,’ the church full of family and friends cheer, and Rupert raises my hand in his in a gesture of celebration.
But as we descend down the steps into the aisle, I can’t help but feel a sharp pang as I realize that I don’t have a single person there just for me. No family, and without Mags, no friend. I blink back the tears that spring to my eyes, telling myself they are ‘happy tears’, because I finally found what I’ve spent my life searching for, and I follow my husband out into the bright September sunshine.
Later, after a meze meal – I didn’t want to force our guests into a three-course dinner, not in the prolonged heat that means glorious wedding day weather – Will makes a speech, welcoming me into the family, which moves me to tears. Knowing how close they all were to Caro, I am aware that some people thought Rupert might be making a mistake, moving too fast, but there is no sign of
