‘Someone handed it to me in the kitchen. Here.’ Sadie thrusts the glass towards him, and he takes it. The wine is warm, sour on his tongue, but he swallows it down anyway.
‘I don’t even know who half these people are. I don’t even know if Caro would know who half these people are,’ Rupert says. There is a heavy lump in his stomach, weighing him down. Sadie is right, he hasn’t spoken to many people here at all, just accepted their condolences, letting Sadie and Miles brush them away. People mill about in the spacious living room, keeping their conversation to a respectable low level, as Caroline stares out from the huge framed wedding photo on the mantelpiece, her face alive, eyes sparkling, a glass of champagne in her hand as bride and groom beam into the camera.
‘I bet she could tell you the name of every person in here. She was very popular,’ Sadie says, her eyes roaming over the crowd that fills the room. ‘Everyone loved her, you know that. She was… God, Rupert, I’m so sorry.’ Her eyes fill with tears and Rupert has to look away. ‘Shit.’ She dabs at her eyes with a tissue. ‘I thought it was getting easier – it’s been a year.’
‘Old chap.’ Miles appears beside Sadie, giving her a peck on the cheek, his hand sliding around her waist as he aims a thin smile in Rupert’s direction. ‘People are starting to leave. Do you want to say goodbye?’
‘Do I have to?’ The wine has gone to his head, after he necked it on an empty stomach. Caroline would never have approved.
‘Well, not if you don’t want to…’ Sadie starts to say, before Miles interrupts.
‘Best if you did,’ he says. ‘It’ll only take a few minutes, and then they’ll all be gone. Just show your face.’ Subtly reminding Rupert that that’s what you do, when you’re upper-middle class like Miles. Show your face, keep up appearances. It’s what Caro would have wanted. Rupert hauls himself to his feet, ready to shake hands, hug, kiss cheeks until the last of the stragglers depart, and at last he’s able to think about leaving.
Finally, Sadie and Miles drive Rupert home, and they stand in the chilly living room of the house Rupert once shared with Caro. The house that still holds hints of her scent, catching him unawares, as though she is still here, a ghost that roams the rooms. He is hoping that Sadie and Miles will be leaving straight away, but Sadie shrugs off her jacket and heads through to the kitchen, and Miles starts to lay a fire in the hearth.
‘I poured you some more wine.’ Sadie comes back in carrying three glasses and a bottle on a tray, and Rupert thanks her even though he doesn’t want any more wine, the first sip feeling like acid as it burns its way down his throat. ‘You did so well today. Caro would have been proud.’
‘You did bloody well, mate.’ Miles slaps Rupert a little too firmly on the back in his attempts to sound like a regular bloke, instead of a trust-fund-supported, slightly-too-posh corporate lawyer. Which he is. ‘Cigar?’ He offers one out, a fat, juicy Cuban, and Rupert shakes his head. Where he comes from, a cigar is only for celebrations, not an everyday occurrence. ‘Mind if I…?’ Miles nods towards the door, still respecting Caro’s wishes about not smoking in the house, even though she isn’t here anymore.
‘Go ahead.’ Rupert watches him leave and when he turns back Sadie is stood beside him, so close he can feel the warmth of her breath on his face.
‘Rupert. Are you sure you’ll be OK on your own? It’s been a rough day.’ She cocks her head on one side, a sour tang of alcohol like a cloud around her. Her eyes are rimmed with red, her face pale. There is a faint smudge of mascara at the corner of her left eye, but her lipstick looks freshly applied.
‘Of course.’ He’s had a year without Caro beside him already. ‘I’ll be fine. You two should probably go. It’s been a long day, shouldn’t you be getting back to the twins?’ Blanche and Barclay – a fraternal nightmare, and Rupert and Caro’s godchildren. Rupert’s godchildren, now.
‘They’re fine. They’re with the nanny.’ She looks away, running a finger around the rim of her wine glass. ‘Rupert, if you need to talk, you can call me any time, you know that? You’ve shut us out since Caro’s been gone. You can talk to me about her – I won’t fall apart. She was my best friend, part of my life since I was eleven years old. We did everything together. I know what you’re going through. I know how it feels.’ Her words slur slightly, and Rupert realizes she’s a little drunk. She leans towards him, laying a hand on his arm, and he focuses on the gap between her two front teeth, the tiny mole that sits just above her top lip and prepares to push her away. ‘It’s been a rough year for all of us.’
‘I know. Thank you, Sadie. I promise I’ll call you if I need to talk. But you really should go now, it’s getting late.’ He places his hand on her shoulder, just firmly enough to make her start and pull away.
‘At least now we’ve had the memorial service you can start to move on, Rupert.’ Any inhibitions Sadie may have about speaking her mind have disappeared with the alcohol as she looks around the room. ‘It’s time you sorted yourself out. You know, get this place
