‘Oh. OK.’ That would be nice, I think. I haven’t been to a yoga class for months, not since I left Harry. It’ll keep me busy, stop me from worrying about whether someone – some unknown identity – has been in the house, whether someone is watching me. Watching us. I have to keep busy, to stop myself from worrying about things. Rupert says he’ll get the security cameras fixed outside so I won’t feel quite so jumpy at being alone in the house anymore, but right now, every time I think I am OK, that I have got over things, I see the letter on the kitchen table, BITCH etched onto the paper.
‘I’ve put Find My iPhone on your phone, by the way,’ Rupert says as he takes a mouthful of coffee, almost spilling it down his tie.
‘Oh. Isn’t that like a tracker type thing?’ I reach for my phone. I don’t know when Rupert had the time to download it.
‘Kind of.’ Rupert tips the rest of his coffee into the sink, his back to me. ‘I thought it might make you feel safer. I know you’ve been worried about things, and at least this way you know I can find you if something happens. Which it won’t,’ he says, tugging on his jacket as I look up in alarm.
‘Right. No, of course it won’t. It’s just me being silly. OK, then. Well, I won’t be going far today, only meeting Sadie.’ As if on cue, my phone buzzes with a text message from her.
‘That’ll be nice,’ Rupert says absently, and I get the feeling that although he mentioned the yoga, he’s already moved on his head. Not for the first time I wonder if he was the same with Caro, or if Caro demanded his attention. ‘I’ll see you tonight.’ He kisses the top of my head as he passes, leaving me to another day on my own.
I take my time getting dressed, and Sadie is waiting outside the gym when I walk round the corner in my leggings, her yoga mat rolled up under her arm.
‘Emily!’ Sadie leans in and kisses my cheek, before holding me at arm’s length and looking me up and down. ‘Look at the tan on you! You wouldn’t think you’d go so brown, being blonde the way you are. You’ll have to tell me all about the honeymoon, quick, before the class starts. I can’t believe you two have been back for days already and we haven’t seen you.’
I’m a little taken aback by Sadie’s enthusiasm. I’ve never really had the kind of friends that you see immediately you get back from holiday, thanks to my mum carting us all over the country in her quest for perfection, so it hadn’t really crossed my mind to check in with Sadie. ‘Sorry, I…’
‘Oh, darling, Rupert told me you’ve been a bit worried about things at home.’ Sadie lays a hand on my arm, and I don’t know what to say at first. I hadn’t realized that Rupert would have discussed my feelings with anyone, least of all Sadie.
‘It’s not a big deal, not really,’ I say, as we turn and walk into the swanky gym that Sadie is a member of. ‘I think I just let my imagination get the better of me. Seeing things that aren’t really there, you know.’ The photo of myself, gripping my bride-to-be sash, fear etched onto my face, swims in front of my eyes, and I shake it away. ‘Anyway, I’ve got a morning of yoga with you, so things can’t be all bad.’ I force a smile and make a show of pulling my hair up into a ponytail.
Sadie gives me a small smile in return. ‘Quite. Although…’ her face turns serious, and her voice lowers, ‘Rupert did also tell me about the letter you got. He said something about an ex-boyfriend… are you OK?’
‘Oh.’ I didn’t realize that Rupert had told anyone about that, and I don’t know how I feel about it. It’s hard to write something off as nothing when other people know about it. ‘Yes. Things ended badly between us… it was, well, it wasn’t a very healthy relationship, if I’m honest, and I was a bit concerned.’ I blink away the image of Harry’s hands looming towards my throat, his face twisted and ugly. ‘But I’m sure it’s fine. Probably just… I don’t know. A mistake. Or a prank. Hopefully.’ My face clouds over and I search for something to say to change the subject.
‘OK,’ Sadie eyes me closely, ‘well, if you want to talk about anything – I’ve had my fair share of relationship troubles, let me tell you – you know I’m always here. Me and Amanda. Although Amanda can be a bit prickly at times, so maybe don’t go to her if you want any sympathy. She literally is dead inside.’ Sadie laughs, a shrill tinkle, and I try to, but it sticks in my throat a little. I’m not sure I want to talk about it with anyone, if I’m honest.
The yoga class is busier than I was expecting, and I have to wedge myself into a tiny corner of the overheated room, behind Sadie. The other women all seem to have their own space that they occupy every week, so I try to slide in unobtrusively, not wanting to draw any attention to myself.
‘Do we have any new members today?’ the instructor calls out, a tiny woman with ropy arms and big calf muscles. I keep my head down, avoiding eye contact, but Sadie points to me with an, ‘Over here!’ and I sigh inwardly as I see the instructor start making her way across the floor, stepping over mats and bare feet.
‘Hi. I’m Sorcha. Have you done yoga before?’ The woman crouches down to where I sit cross-legged on my mat, as Sadie hovers in the background, stretching her arms over her head and bending down to touch her
