‘Here, these should fit you.’ Diana hands me a pair of black wellies with a jazzy silver glitter running through them and I wonder briefly if perhaps they belonged to Caro before shoving my socked feet into them.
‘Dad has a tradition,’ Rupert explains as he steps into his own wellies. ‘Every year we walk along to the beach to collect coal for the Christmas fire.’
‘Coal? On a beach?’
Rupert laughs at the expression on my face. ‘You’ll see. We don’t find a lot, less than we did when we were kids, but Dad loves it, so we all go along with it. It’s nice to be able to do it with you. I haven’t done it for years.’
I follow him through the back garden, out onto the little path that leads to the beach. Will calls to Rupert and he walks ahead to catch up with Will and Eamonn, the three of them all so similar I can see an older Rupert in Eamonn, a Rupert with grandchildren, and grey hair. Amanda leads the way, her wild curly hair tangled in the sea breeze and I find myself stepping in time with Diana, the two of us bringing up the rear.
‘I was worried about you, you know,’ she says, tucking her arm into mine.
‘Worried? What about?’ My heart skitters in my chest and for a moment I get a panicky feeling that maybe all of this was a ruse, that there is no happy family.
‘Well, it was quick wasn’t it? The courtship, the wedding.’ She watches me closely, her feet slowing to a stop. ‘Rupert closed himself off after Caro died. I didn’t think I’d ever see him happy again. He hid himself away in that big, old house she bought, and I thought he’d never get back on his feet again. He drank heavily for a while, you know. Called me, rambling on about guilt, and how he had failed Caroline.’
I didn’t know that. Rupert has never told me about how things were after Caro died. I flounder for a moment, ‘Diana, I…’
‘Thank you, Emily.’ Diana lays a cold hand against my cheek. ‘You brought him back to us.’ She starts walking again, the rest of the family already off the path and onto the sand. I can hear Rupert shouting to Will from the rocks that litter the edge of the landscape. ‘Caro would never have done this, you know.’
‘Amanda said she didn’t spend much time here.’ I am careful what I say, anxious about saying the wrong thing.
‘No. It was always her way. Never Rupert’s. She certainly wouldn’t have indulged Eamonn in his coal hunting; that definitely wasn’t her thing.’
I say nothing, just smile and tuck my arm back into Diana’s, ready to comb the beach with the rest of them. I’ve just found my first piece of coal, a tiny piece that probably is best left on the beach, but I am triumphant nonetheless, when my mobile buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out, hoping that perhaps my mum has read my message to her and replied – it’s just gone ten o’clock in Florida now, after all – but my heart sinks as I see it is from an unknown number. My eyes flick towards Rupert, but he is too far away for me to call to him without drawing attention to myself. I swipe the screen.
Your first Christmas together. And your last.
I raise my eyes and scan the horizon, sure I can feel eyes on the back of my neck, my skin starting to prickle uncomfortably, but there is no one there, no shadowy figure watching for my reaction. There is only Rupert, and his perfect family.
Rupert perches on a footstool in front of the tree, as we all sit in the living room ready to exchange presents. Rupert’s brooch glints at my lapel in the light from the fire, the coal we collected fizzing damply on the wood beneath it, and the scent of pine and cinnamon is on the air. It should be the perfect end to a perfect day, but instead all I can think about is the message on my phone and the fear that spiked in my veins as I read it.
‘This one is yours, Mum,’ Rupert is saying, as he passes her a neatly wrapped gift in red paper. It’s the scarf I chose for her, and she is thrilled with it. I paste a smile on as she thanks me, barely even aware of what is going on. I don’t miss the shared look between Rupert and Will though as Rupert gets to his feet. ‘There’s a special present I need to go and get… hang on.’ He gives me a wink and I force that smile back onto my face.
Rupert returns a few moments later with a large cardboard box, gaudily wrapped, the top loosely closed, and hands it to me. ‘Here. This is for you, so you won’t be on your own anymore.’
I take it, setting it in my lap before I carefully lift the flaps of the box open. Inside sits a tiny tortoiseshell kitten, her face turned up to mine. She lets out a tiny meow as Amanda presses her hands to her mouth.
‘A kitten? Oh, Rupert, you got her a kitten!’ she cries, rushing to sit beside me as I look up at Rupert, shock etched onto my face.
‘Well? Aren’t you going to say something?’ Rupert asks, uncertainty passing over his features and I gently lift the kitten from the box. Immediately she snuggles into me, letting out a rumbly purr as she kneads at my jumper.
‘Rupert, she’s lovely. I don’t know what to say.’ No one has ever given me a gift like this before. ‘I already love her. And you.’ Rupert crouches down to kiss me, his hand rubbing over the kitten’s tiny head.
‘Her name is Lola. That’s what
