As he lets himself in, the first thing he notices is that the house is silent. Emily must be out shopping. Hopefully that will have taken her mind off rebuilding the orangery – at least she’s abandoned all talk of putting in a pool. As he pushes open the door to his study, the second thing he notices are the plans to the orangery, laid out on his desk. Frowning, he steps forward, a ring of blue pen on the plan glowing like a beacon and his stomach drops away.
He closes his eyes, fighting a wave of nausea as everything about that night comes back to him, engulfing him and he presses his hands onto the desk, leaning into them in order to stay on his feet.
‘Rupert, darling, please let’s just tell everyone tonight.’ Caro is manic, her eyes glittering in the glow of the fairy lights as people mill around, drinks in hand, all there to admire the new orangery that has cost Rupert a fortune. An orangery that Caro wanted and neither of them needed. ‘It’s a double celebration – our beautiful home and a beautiful baby.’ She lays a hand on her stomach and Rupert grips her by the wrist, pulling her to one side.
‘No, Caro, we’re not telling anybody, not tonight.’ He fixes a smile on his face as Sadie walks past with a drink in her hand, aware that he is hissing the words. ‘I thought we agreed that we haven’t even made a decision yet about what we’re going to do?’
‘I’ve made my decision,’ Caro hisses back, before she pastes on a brilliant smile as Will brushes by them. ‘Will, darling, would you mind grabbing me a drink – just a soda water for now.’ She beams at him, but her eyes glitter with tears and Rupert feels the first flicker of fear. Caro in this state is wildly unpredictable. She turns back to him. ‘How dare you be so fucking selfish?’
Rupert glances around, convinced that all their guests know there is a row going on, has been since before the party even started. ‘Caro, all I’m saying is that we need to think things through properly before we make a final decision. It’s not fair for you to call me selfish.’ He leans in closer. ‘Don’t you think you’re being a little selfish?’
‘How fucking dare you!’ Caro forgets their guests, forgets that this row is supposed to hissed and whispered, forgets that they are supposed to be putting on a façade to the rest of the world. She throws what remains of her soda water in his face and turns on her heel, slamming her way out of the house. Rupert stands there, face dripping wet and aflame with embarrassment as their guests turn to stare.
‘Rupert, darling, are you OK?’ Sadie is by his side in an instant, dabbing at his face with the bell sleeve of her dress. He brushes her aside, her attention only serving to irritate him.
‘Sorry, folks, it looks like the party is over.’ Rupert claps his hands together. ‘Thank you for coming everyone, but yeah… it’s time to leave. Thank you for your time.’ He starts to usher people towards the door, many of them too embarrassed on his behalf to say anything.
Sadie loiters, and Rupert lets Miles call her to the door. ‘Sorry, old chap,’ Miles gives him a sheepish grin, ‘I’m sure she’ll calm down soon.’
‘Call me if you need to.’ Sadie presses her lips to Rupert’s cheek, and he is relieved when finally, everyone has left. He’s cleared away the glasses and bottles and is upstairs listening to Caro’s mobile ring downstairs when he hears the slam of the front door. He ends the call and waits as her footsteps march up the stairs and she throws open the bedroom door, clearly still unhappy.
‘So, you decided the party was over as well, did you?’ She stands there, her chest heaving, her eye make-up a dirty smudge around her eyes.
‘Caro, you didn’t give me much option. You stormed out. You threw a drink over me in front of everyone.’
‘You want to abort our baby. You think you get to make the decision, but it’s mine, Rupert, do you understand? It’s my decision, it’s my body.’
There is a tinge of hysteria in her voice and Rupert struggles to squash down a sigh. It’s going to be another of those nights, of Caro repeating herself, and Rupert trying to explain and then reassure her, until finally, probably in the grey dawn hours, she will be so exhausted she’ll fall asleep and he’ll have to go to work on no sleep, with the very real fear that he’ll come home to blood in the bath, or an empty pill bottle.
‘That’s not what I said, Caro.’ Rupert feels the uphill battle start, already weary at the thought of the climb. ‘I said we need to talk about it, think things through properly.’
‘There is nothing to talk about.’ Caro’s words are bumpy and hitched as she forces them out between heavy, hysterical sobs. ‘Why don’t you want a baby with me? Because you don’t love me? Is that why? Is that why you have people watching me all the time, moving my things? Is that your lover, the one you cheat on me with?’
‘I don’t have a lover,’ Rupert says, for the millionth time. He feels something inside him snap. ‘I don’t want a baby with you, Caro, because I don’t want to bring a child into this.’ The release is like a dam being broken and he couldn’t stop the words if he tried. ‘You drain me, Caro, your moods, the way you are tonight, I don’t ever want a baby with you because of how you are.’
He knows he’s hurting her, but he hurts too, and he doesn’t expect it when she flies at him, her hands going for his face, the rake
