‘Death isn’t—’ And Red Kent died amid the circle of his brothers who did love him each in our way. ‘Isn’t what it was,’ I finished for him.
Chella stepped closer. No one moved to stop her. ‘He’s gone where you can’t follow, Jorg.’
‘You can’t.’ Marten’s voice thick with knowing.
‘Even now they tell me “can’t”, Makin,’ I said, half in sadness, half in the joy of ending. The bitter and the sweet. ‘They tell me “no” and think there must be something I won’t sacrifice to get what I want.’ What I need.
Makin looked up at that, confused but understanding we none of us were speaking of Kent. He struggled to rise and that’s when I hit him. A man like Makin you have to catch off-balance. I struck him hard enough to break my hand, and did. He fell boneless, one arm flopping out almost to Chella’s feet.
‘What?’ Rike took his gaze from Brother Kent, amazed.
‘He would have tried to stop me. Tell him he’s to be steward. An order, not a choice.’ I cradled my hand, let the pain sharpen away sorrow. ‘He would have tried to stop me. Even with his little girl gone all these years, he wouldn’t understand. Not Makin.’
‘Fuck Makin. I don’t understand.’ Rike bristled, the sword in his fist still dripping.
Movement at the Gilden Arch. Katherine, a sword clutched across her, unsteady.
‘Rike, glorious Rike! I knew I kept you around for a reason, Brother.’ I pulled the breastplate from me and opened my arms. ‘Do it.’
‘What?’ He stared as though I were mad.
‘I need to follow him, Rike. I need to find my brother.’
‘I—’
‘Kill me. You’ve threatened it often enough. Now I’m asking.’
Rike just stared, eyes wide and bright. Behind him Katherine had started to run toward us, shouting, begging me to stop or urging me on – I couldn’t tell.
‘I’m your fecking emperor. I command you.’
‘I—’ And the big idiot looked at his sword as if it were a foreign thing. ‘No.’ And dropped it.
And that’s when Chella stabbed me. My brother’s knife, taken from his corpse, stuck near enough into the wound that father gave me. She went one better though, and twisted the blade. Our final kiss.
‘Go to hell, Jorg Ancrath.’ The last words I ever heard.
53
On the road my brothers spoke of death many a time. The stranger who walked with us. But more than they talked of death they talked of dying, and often the business of avoiding it. Brother Burlow would speak of the light. The light that came to a man lying in his blood, when more of it lay out than in.
‘I’ve heard men say it starts so faint, like a dawn, Brothers. And you look and you find yourself in the tunnel that’s your life, that you’ve walked in darkness all your years.’
Burlow was a reader, you understand. It doesn’t pay to trust a lettered man on the road, Brothers, their heads are full of other men’s ideas.
‘But don’t look into that light,’ he said. ‘For sweet as it might be, there’s no coming back from there, and it will draw you in, yes it will. I’ve sat by too many men, laid broken on the verge, and heard them whisper about that light through dry lips. They none of them walked the road again.’
At least that’s how Fat Burlow had it. And maybe his light was sweet, Brothers. But I’ve looked into that light and it comes at first as a cold star in the dark of night. Closer and more close it draws, or you are drawn – these things are equal in a place without time – and you come to know it for what it is. A white hunger, Brothers, the incinerating incandescence of the furnace mouth, ready to consume you utterly.
That light took me in and it spat me out, far from the world.
I thought I knew death. I thought it dry. But the death I fell into was an ocean, cold and infinite and the colour of forever. And I hung there, without time, or up, or down. Waiting, always waiting, for an angel.
This death fell wet upon me.
I spat the water from a dry mouth. A cry escaped me and the pain came again, too deep to be endured. Lightning flashed and the thorns and coils of the briar made sharp black shapes against the sky. The rain lashed cold, and I hung in its embrace, unable to fall.
‘The thorns.’ My senses had left me for a moment.
A second crack of lightning, across the rolling thunder of the previous stroke. The carriage lay beside the road, figures moving all about it.
‘I’m in the thorns.’
‘You never left them, Jorg,’ she said.
She stood beside me, my angel, she of warmth and light and possibilities.
‘I don’t understand.’ The pain still lanced me, my flesh tenting crimson around a hundred barbs, but with her beside me it was only pain.
‘You understand.’ Her voice nothing but love.
‘My life was a dream?’
‘All lives are dreams, Jorg.’
‘Was— was none of it real? I’ve been hanging in the thorns all my life?’
‘All dreams are real, Jorg. Even this one.’
‘What—’ My arm twitched and red agony flooded me. I found my breath again. ‘What do you want of me?’
‘I want to save you,’ she said. ‘Come.’ And she offered me her hand. A hand in which colour moved like the faintly-shadowed skin on molten silver. To take that hand would end all pain. She offered me salvation. Maybe that was all salvation had ever been. An open hand waiting to be taken.
‘I bet my brother told you to go to hell,’ I said.
Lightning struck once more and there was no angel, just a Renar soldier carrying William by the ankles like a hunter’s kill. Carrying him toward that milestone, carrying him to dash his head open.
Nature shaped the claw to trap, and the tooth to kill, but the thorn … the thorn’s only purpose is
