Madge looked up at Shay entered. “You’re not dead. Congratulations.”
“Thanks. I try.” Shay shrugged. “Is he here?”
“Maybe.”
The tomb raider groaned. “Maybe? Look, it’s been a really long day, and I almost died a couple of times, so…work with me, just a little.”
Madge set her magazine down. “No, first I need a little fee.”
“Fee?” Shay narrowed her eyes.
The pixie grinned. “Tell me if my joke is funny by human standards.”
Shay shrugged. “Okay, whatever. Go for it."
Madge floated right in front of Shay with a serious look on her face. “What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?”
The tomb raider shrugged. “I don’t know. What?”
“You can unscrew a lightbulb.”
Shay chuckled despite the fact that a pixie was stalling her with dirty jokes. “That’s halfway decent.”
“Okay, one more.” Madge held up a finger. “A husband and wife were talking at dinner. The husband asks the wife, ‘How come you never tell me when you orgasm?’ Do you know what the wife told him?”
“No. What?”
“I don’t like calling you at work.”
Shay snickered. “Okay, you’ve got a couple of decent jokes there, if you’re planning to switch to stand-up comedy, but I really need to see the gnome now.”
Madge gave Shay a predatory grin. Seeing it on such a small creature only made it more unnerving.
“Tell me a dirty joke, then. You don’t need to know why I’m collecting them, but I am.” She crossed her arms.
Shay rolled her eyes. “What the fuck? Have you been hanging around Smite-Williams?”
The tomb raider had called the Professor on her way to the mall to explain what had happened. He seemed more amused than annoyed. He wasn’t willing to pay Shay thirty million for an object the CIA now had, but he did pay her a few million for her services rendered. She’d at least kept the object out of the hands of an evil witch.
Ah, Miz Carson. Another alien stone? Interesting. It seems the secret is spreading farther than anyone would know. Soon, I suspect, it won’t be so secret.
“Who is Smite-Williams?” Madge asked, bringing Shay back to her immediate situation.
“A dirty old man I know.” She sighed and rubbed the back of her neck, trying to think of a good joke. “Okay, why don’t witches wear underwear?”
Madge shrugged. “I don’t know why.”
“To get a better grip on their brooms.”
The pixie shook her head. “I don’t get it.”
Shay smirked. “Trust me, it’s funny. Now, can I see the gnome already?”
“Keep your shirt on.” Madge fluttered over the door in the back and knocked.
Shay wondered if Tubal-Cain could even hear it.
The door opened a moment later, and the gnome yawned.
“Napping again?”
He shrugged. “My work is very tiring.” He nodded to the room. “Let’s talk about whatever has you in such a rush. Of course, humans are always in a rush.”
Shay stepped inside the back room, which was far different than the last time she’d been in it, and not just because it was larger than the entire main room. A gnome-sized recliner sat in the corner of a maroon-carpeted room. A crystal chandelier floated in the center with no visible means of support. In addition, several gray settees lay scattered about the room.
Does he sit around with a bunch of gnomes drinking bourbon on weekends?
“I’m still working on your little seeing project, Miz Carson,” the gnome explained. “And that isn’t something you can hurry.”
“That’s not why I’m here. I need another favor. Well, not a favor. I’ll pay or grab whatever you need to make this happen.”
“I’ll take a favor as a payment.” The gnome looked Shay up and down. “And what is it that you need?”
“A way to protect someone I love in case, in this case someone I love who has a habit of ending up in dangerous situations.”
An exasperated look spread over the gnome’s face. “You’re talking about James Brownstone?”
Shay nodded. Even though they’d won against Yulia with Daniel’s help, the woman’s threat still echoed in the tomb raider’s mind.
James was great when he saw the enemy coming, but in the course of her tomb raiding, Shay had run into countless beings who might be able to surprise him. Could even the great James Brownstone deal with an invisible army if they went after him? A Rusalka? No, if her work might put him in danger, then it was her responsibility to make sure that he was safe.
Tubal-Cain snorted. “I really thought you were smarter than this.”
“What the hell are you talking about? Smarter than what?”
“Love?” He clucked his tongue. “You’ve fallen for the most dangerous weapon on any world, love with a little hootchie-cootchie on the side. Maybe even the main dish.” The gnome gave her a little nudge. “Seriously?”
Shay snorted. “I don’t need lessons on how to be a better, smarter human from a gnome.”
He smirked. “Wisdom is wisdom, regardless of species.”
“I just need a way to keep him safe. He’s got toys of his own, but I don’t trust them, and they aren’t automatic. He could get surprised tomorrow.”
“There’s no way to keep someone you love safe forever.” Tubal-Cain hopped into his recliner with a smile and folded his hands on his lap.
Shay stood in front of the settee. “But there’s a way to keep him safe?”
Tubal-Cain shrugged. "I mean, I have a few things that can put someone in amber or a deep sleep. I call that one ‘the Sleeping Beauty.’ That witch and her loom were no joke.”
“How is that keeping them safe?”
“Well, it’s not keeping them safe as much as preserving them, and that’s my point. When you love someone, those kinds of ideas have to come off the table. Have to play nice. You want your loved one out in the world.” He punctuated his rant by throwing his short arms as wide as he could manage. “And that complicates things.”
A deep voice sounded from an unseen scratchy intercom. “You’re in trouble, girl. Love fucks everything up,” Madge offered. “Makes it all unpredictable.”
Shay slapped her hands on her hips, frowning at
