“Shameful,” I repeat, my voice hollow.
Is this really what he thinks of me? I’m not sure why I ever expected anything more or less than distaste. He’s always favored Sebastian ever since he was born. I was eight and in awe of my new baby brother. I loved him from the moment I saw him, I still do, and I knew I would always do everything in my power to protect him. I’ve never hated my father more than I have in this moment, as he forces this choice upon me... not that either is much of an option.
“You’re a heartless bastard. No wonder Mom left rather than stay here with you,” I spit, and he grabs me by the collar, slamming me up against the wall.
“Watch your tone, boy. I made you, and you’re my son, you’re going to do what I say,” he growls.
I look over his shoulder and through the open bedroom door toward my best friend, Killian who’s sleeping peacefully in my bed to see if he’s noticed the commotion, willing him to wake up and run. If I shout then he’s as good as dead, but if I don’t he dies anyway. My heart fucking aches at the thought of what he wants me to do.
“I’m not a child, so don’t treat me like one.”
“You’re a part of this family, Devin, and you will act the part.”
“Then maybe I don’t want to be anymore. Maybe I should leave.”
“If you leave, then you’ll never see your brother again. So I suggest you decide quickly, son. What’s it going to be? That trash in your bed, or your brother’s happiness?” he snaps, releasing me to gesture at my bedroom.
Sebastian is twelve years old. He has nothing and no one in this house but me and our bastard of a father. If I leave, then Sebastian will have no one to look up to, not that I’m much of a role model for him, but it’s better than being raised entirely by Nathaniel Johnson. I won’t let my little brother’s soul be tainted by the bloodshed that follows my father’s orders. My chest aches, but I know what I have to do. Sebastian needs me, and if I do this, then at least Killian’s final moments will end swiftly with me and not in suffering at hands of those fucking Reapers.
When I was seventeen and curiosity reared its head, he was the only person I told about the feelings I was having. Killian was the first guy I’d ever been with... not the first person, but I shared more firsts with him than I ever did anyone else. This was the only secret I ever kept, because if Killian had known the truth about what I do for my father, that on some nights I come home drenched in blood, he’d have tried to stop me, and he’d have learned that I’m a monster.
I take the gun from my father’s hand, and shove past him. I walk slowly into the room, and slowly shut the door. Of all the people in this fucking world my father could have chosen to ask me to murder, why did it have to be him? Feeling as though I’m walking toward my own grave instead of the bed I had shared with my best friend, I stop to look at his sleeping face one last time and try to convince myself that it’s better this way. A tear slips from my eye, rolling down my cheek as I raise the gun. The teardrop falls from my jaw as I squeeze the trigger, and the muffled bang tears through my soul as fast as the bullet pierces his skull.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Devin
As refreshed and as cleansed as I’ll ever be able to get, I make my way back down through the house to the office where I left Ethan. I’ve no idea if he’ll be anywhere near finished, but I’m getting nervous. I haven’t heard anything from my father since we got back, and he’s bound to know I’m here. He’s remarkably clued in for such a self-serving asshole. I’m not much better than he is, but the frightening part is I have more heart than he ever did, only there’s not much left now.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I take it out to check it. It's Sebastian, and he’ll be home in twenty minutes. That means I have time to check in with Ethan before he gets here and discuss what he needs to do as well. When I get to the office, the door is closed, and I can’t hear anything from the other side. Frowning, I push open the door and am greeted by darkness and the backlit screens of the computers which monitor the security. Ethan’s not here.
There’s nothing left in the house Ethan was staying in while he was here, so he wouldn’t have gone there. Even if he’s left now that the job is complete, I should inform my father that everything has been corrected and there should be no further problems to deal with. Feeling somewhat nervous, I head for my father’s office. If I can avoid a conversation with him, I will. There’s no love lost between us, and we’ve been at odds for years. I only stay and continue to work for him so that he keeps his word regarding Sebastian.
As I approach the office, I can make out the sound of my father speaking to someone, but I can’t hear who it is, the responding voice is too quiet for me to hear. I knock on the door and wait, expecting to be sent away until later as is usually the case when he’s in a meeting.
Surprise flickers through me when I hear him
