‘You’re not a holy maid yet. You could be wrong about your destiny. The more of the world I see, the more I learn that no one can tell the future. Not even the gods.’
She tumbled into his gaze again and then rapidly concentrated on the clump of blue and yellow wildflowers nodding in the light breeze behind him. ‘Do you think my aunt will mind my...exaggeration? My aunt once said to me that if I truly thought I had a vocation, then she would consider taking me, but I must not think about shutting myself away because of fear.’
‘Is that what you are doing? Shutting yourself away because of fear?’
‘I’m not afraid of the marriage bed, if that is what you are asking. I simply have a great desire to grow old.’
‘Ah, Skadi. You’ve a way with words.’
‘Then you understand why I need my aunt to take me in. I am hoping to discover my vocation in earnest before we arrive.’
‘So you have not yet felt the calling?’
‘It will come. It has to.’
His fingers caught her elbow. A warm pulse rocketed through her. ‘A kiss is no reason to abandon your journey to Nrurim. Your aunt will be delighted you favour her establishment for what is sure to be an illustrious career as a holy maid.’
‘Abandoning my plans is impossible. My stepmother wishes me dead. Once my father dies, she intends on marrying her lover, the man who was to be my husband. And a man cannot have two living wives.’
‘How do you know this with such certainty?’
‘I overheard them speaking,’ she said and tried for a nonchalant shrug. At his look, she knew she’d have to give him more. ‘It was late and I’d gone back to the great hall for a bone for Vanora. I heard a faint rustling and followed the sound. I encountered them...entwined.’
‘You saw them together? Or heard them?’
‘Both. In their passion, they did not notice me.’ Ceanna scrunched up her face and tried to rid herself of the image—her stepmother bare-breasted and the man naked on his knees before her. ‘Here I am, a failed holy maid with no real vocation except the desire to save my life and keep the people who depend on my family safe from my traitorous stepmother. Somehow, I’ll have to convince my aunt that my vision of being a holy maid is a true one and hope that my soul is not blackened by the lie. She will offer me sanctuary and take Dun Ollaigh under the church’s protection, rather than returning me to Dun Ollaigh, humiliation and death.’
It felt good to say the words out loud and admit it. She wanted to be a nun because she knew no alternative. She envied people who were sure of their path in life, like her cousin who had known since she was a little girl that her destiny lay with the church. Her cousin had spent most of her life in prayer, constantly worrying about what the angels might think of her. Unfortunately, she’d died of a fever shortly after she entered the convent. Ceanna’s stepmother had proclaimed that it was because the girl spent so much time on her knees.
She waited for condemnation from Sandulf. He simply whistled and Vanora came bounding up.
‘Your dog wants to continue the journey.’ He strode off towards the east. Vanora, the traitor, followed at his heels.
‘You don’t think I’m a terrible person for pretending?’ she asked, catching up to them quickly.
‘We all have to do what we can to survive.’ His mouth twisted. ‘I’ve made enough mistakes in my life and have no wish to compound them by giving advice when I know nothing of your god.’
Ceanna touched her mouth which still faintly tingled from the kiss. She’d think of it as her proper first kiss, not the drunken assault from Feradach at Easter which had made her stomach churn. This was far more pleasant and something to recall in years to come, that once a handsome man had kissed her as though he meant it.
She shook her head. Dreaming had never solved her problems.
Compounding mistakes.
That kiss had been a mistake. The last thing Sandulf wanted was someone like her panting after him. But her heart refused to believe it and longed for it to happen again. Ceanna resolutely started practising that speech that she’d deliver to her aunt. It had never sounded so false.
Chapter Seven
Thoroughly kissing Ceanna had been a strategic error, one which he wanted to repeat, but one which he knew, for the sake of his sanity and her destiny, he had to avoid.
Sandulf resolutely kept his eyes carefully on the rough track as they walked through the bracken. Vanora had given up playing with sticks and mostly trotted at Ceanna’s side.
‘See,’ Ceanna said, pointing towards a faint shimmer off to the right. ‘I see the loch. And the two mountains off to our left.’
‘Is that good?’ Sandulf knew his voice was far too abrupt. At the hint of confusion in her eyes, he swallowed hard and tried again. ‘Did you expect to see them?’
She covered her mouth with her hands in quiet joy. ‘We’re going the correct way. I did find the right track. I’m not totally useless.’
He smiled back at her. ‘Your navigation skills are excellent. You should have more faith in your abilities. I do.’
She stopped and looked up at him. Her blue-grey eyes sparkled like sunlight on a lake. ‘You do? I wasn’t entirely certain. Particularly after we crossed the river. We might be able to avoid the pass by skirting south of the mountains.’
He put his hands on her shoulders, felt the flesh tremble slightly beneath the pads of his fingers. ‘You worry too much.’
Her tongue wet her lips. ‘Do I?’
‘Yes.’ He bent his head and brushed his mouth against hers. ‘Much too much.’
He gave in
