I immediately backtrack on my thoughts. Not my commitment to speak with Pam, rather my promise not to read the letter again. There’s one sentence dancing around in my mind, and I need to read it once more to make sure it’s there. That I haven’t just made it up in an attempt for the essay to serve a purpose.
I don’t focus on the entire thing. I scan the words until I find that one sentence. It reads:
She struggled to get away…
I stop reading. That’s the only detail I need. The image of Darcy wriggling beneath her attacker. It’s horrifying, but it proves something. It means Darcy wasn’t passed out during her attack.
She was awake.
Fourteen
Summer 2004
I’d been nervous around the pool ever since I nearly drowned. I no longer enjoyed swimming. The cool water reminded me of my struggle to breathe.
Still, it was summer in the suburbs and relaxing at the community pool was the best way to pass the time. Amber spent each day tanning, and she made frequent phone calls begging me to join her. I put on a metallic teal bikini and slathered on sunscreen. Dad had bored me enough with the dangers of UV rays.
“Nice outfit,” Brian said, leaning against my bedroom doorframe. “You look like a skank.”
I was used to this. His frequent name-calling. In the past, I’d say something snarky back or tell Mom. Telling Dad worked better, but even that didn’t stop Brian’s cruelty.
“Let’s go, Pixie,” I said. The little dog jumped off my bed and ran around my feet. I nudged Brian’s shoulder as I walked past. He lifted his foot and lightly kicked Pixie’s back legs.
“Don’t do that,” I snapped. I could ignore his callousness toward me, but not my dog.
“It was just a little kick.”
“Leave her alone,” I said.
“She belongs to both of us, you know.” He followed me down the stairs, making it impossible for me to have a carefree escape.
“Then why don’t you ever help take care of her?”
“Because I don’t like dogs.” He opened the refrigerator and pulled out a soda. “They’re annoying and they stink.”
“Pixie doesn’t stink. I take good care of her.”
“Don’t you think it’s gross to take a dog to a public pool?”
“She doesn’t get in the water.” Even though I knew the entire conversation was a ploy to get under my skin, I still felt the need to defend my actions. “Besides, all the little kids love her.”
“Wow, Della. You’ve finally won a popularity contest among preschoolers.”
Mom stampeded past both of us. “Anyone seen my keys?” she asked.
“Check the fruit bowl,” Brian said.
“Ah hah.” She lifted the keys and gave them a hearty jangle. “Della, you look adorable.” I think Mom was relieved I finally put more effort into my appearance.
“You think so?” I asked. “Brian seems to disagree.”
“She’s my little sister,” he said, pointing at me. “I don’t want people looking at her like that.”
Mom walked over to Brian and squeezed his cheeks. “Such a protective older brother.”
As usual, Brian had switched his demeanor in enough time to look like a hero instead of an ass. The tattletale inside me wanted Mom to know what he’d really said. “He’s not being protective—”
“Enough. I’m late,” Mom said, raising her hand. “Wait and see, Della. One day you’ll be thankful to have an older brother. No one will think of messing with you.”
I huffed and turned. I followed Mom out the door before Brian had a chance to bother me.
I always thought I looked womanly until I saw Amber in a swimsuit. The breasts she’d had since middle school were getting bigger, and her daily tanning ritual made her appear slimmer. Like Mom said, I was adorable. Cute. Amber was hot.
“There she is,” she said when I arrived. Pixie scampered to her lounge chair and nipped at her fingers. “Hi, Pixie.”
“How long have you been here?” I asked.
“Since eight.”
“You’ll be a strip of bacon before summer is over.”
“I’ll be fine,” she said, raising a hand to block the sun. “I want to look my best when we return to school. We’ll be driving soon, you know.”
“You don’t turn sixteen until May.”
“Yeah, well. A girl can dream. Speaking of dreaming…” she said, nodding toward the pavilion. Sitting at a table was Jeremy Gus. “Look who I’ve been staring at all morning.”
Jeremy Gus was a college freshman. He’d moved to the neighborhood only a few months ago. We’d seen him jogging around the neighborhood, although we wouldn’t dare speak to him. Not only was he older, he was too cute. He was tall and muscular with tight blond curls. Dreamboat status, even I had to admit.
“Got the nerve to talk to him yet?” I asked, already knowing the answer. Even Amber wasn’t that ballsy.
“Please,” she said, leaning back and closing her eyes. “I wouldn’t even know what to say to a man like that.”
As much as Amber talked about boys, she was still a virgin. We both were. I’d never even kissed a boy. I’d be lucky if my first kiss could be with a boy like that. I leaned back and started slathering my body with tanning oil. I was soon as slimy as Amber’s skin—or like the watermelon’s shell that day.
I listened as Pixie barked at a trio of toddlers in the baby pool. They giggled and squealed, and their moms seemed to approve. Once the group started packing away their belongings to leave, Pixie circled the parameter of the pool. I shut my eyes again, the sun’s rays burning orange against my closed
