“Zoey has,” I say, wiping tears from my cheeks. “Zoey’s been toying with me this whole time. I think she’s known since she moved here. Since she told me she was from Florida. Yesterday, she said if I didn’t stay out of her business, she’d tell everyone.”
Pam looks down. She bites her lip, like she’s afraid to say more. “Her threat is an empty one. She can’t use it against you. No one cares about your brother. But we all care about you.”
I exhale and regain the composure I lost during my crying fit. Perhaps Pam is right. Some people already know about my past, and they don’t care. They don’t hold it against me. Zoey doesn’t have the power she thinks she has.
“This whole time I’ve thought Brian was my secret to bear.”
“We all have things we’re ashamed about,” she says, rubbing my hand. “But we can’t give them more power than they’re worth.”
She’s right. Zoey can’t use my past against me.
“I must say,” she says, sitting back. “I think so little about it, I didn’t even make the connection. Of course Darcy’s attack would have this effect on you.”
I shake my head. “It’s not that, Pam. I don’t lose my wits every time some poor girl is attacked. I’d be in the looney bin if that was the case. I’m telling you. Something about this kid is not right.”
“I will say I’m surprised she’d use your brother’s past against you. That’s low.” She looks at me. “But I’m being honest when I say I don’t believe she hurt Darcy or her mom.”
I nod and look away. Getting people to trust me won’t be easy. This I’ve known for a long time.
“I just want you to think about it rationally,” she continues, not wanting to lose me. “Maybe this child does remind you of your brother. Maybe this crime is too similar. And for those reasons and a combination of others, you’ve created this new narrative in your head.”
“I’m not creating a story.”
“I’m only asking you to look at the situation objectively. I know you believe you’re right. But for the sake of everyone, yourself especially, reconsider and review the facts.”
“I feel—”
“Not your feelings,” she stops me. “Just the facts.”
I can’t say I’m wrong about Zoey, but I can at least take a step back and reconsider. Chasing this gut feeling has done nothing but destroy the life I worked so hard to build. “I need to think about everything.”
“Get your summer started,” she says, leaning back and smiling. “Who knows if Zoey Peterson will even be here next year.”
Pam wants this comment to soothe me, but if I’m right about Zoey, her marching off to green and naïve territory doesn’t sit well with me. At least here, she has one person monitoring her. All I can do is hope Pam is right. That Zoey is a disturbed girl who will eventually grow up.
Thirty-Nine
Spring 2006
Brian had been violent. He’d been violent to women, in particular. I ran home from Amber’s house. I wasn’t sure what my next step would be. In the past when I’d gone to anyone, they’d blown me off. And I wouldn’t go to the police until I had solid proof. Even then, I wasn’t sure I could do that. Turn Brian in.
I opened the front door and walked into the house. Brian was sitting on the sofa watching television. I jumped back.
“Dell, you okay?” he asked, the remote still in his hand.
“What are you doing here?” There was an edge in my voice.
“I thought I’d surprise you girls this weekend,” he said, looking back at the television. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
The hand covering my chest felt my beating heart. I took a deep breath. “I wasn’t expecting anyone,” I said, as calmly as I could. “Mom home yet?”
“Nope. She doesn’t know I’m here, so don’t tell her. I’d like to surprise her, too.”
“Okay.” I walked to the staircase. “I’m going to change.”
“Where were you?” he asked, still staring at the television. “Your car was here.”
“I went for a walk,” I said. It’s not like I could admit to visiting Amber. Paranoia crept up my neck, like he would somehow know I was lying. “Trying to enjoy the weather.”
I stomped upstairs and shut my bedroom door. Of all days, why did Brian have to visit now? I pulled out my phone to warn Amber.
Just a head’s up. Brian is in town.
Within seconds she texted back: Cool. Already working on a distraction.
Coming from this new version of Amber, I didn’t really know what that meant. Was she getting high? Taking off? Staying locked in her room? I didn’t really care, as long as she stayed away. I needed to get to the bottom of this SCU thing. I lifted my mattress and found my research folder hadn’t been disturbed. Brian had no reason to think I was onto him, and I needed to keep it that way. I moved the file to my top closet under boxes full of scarves and hats.
As expected, Mom was delighted to see Brian. She raided the cabinets in hopes she had ingredients to make spaghetti. They talked in the kitchen as she prepared the meal. I remained in the living room and listened.
Brian seemed relaxed as he stirred the sauce, then the noodles. He belly-laughed at Mom’s jokes and pulled out chairs at dinnertime. In my mind, I compared the brother beside me to the type of monster who must be responsible for hurting those missing girls. Even thinking about it made me queasy. I couldn’t stand to eat more than a couple of bites of pasta, pushing the soggy noodles around my plate.
“Right, Della?” Mom said, inviting me into
