“Fuck, Baby, you’re a virgin,” he says, as he pulls back slightly.
“Yes,” she gasps, ready to relax, thinking he’s pulling out.
Then he shoves hard into her. Elsie screams at the shocking stab of pain and digs her nails into his arms at her sides. Charlie slams his mouth over her open mouth and kisses her, trying to quiet her screams. He stays motionless, his dick buried in her up to his balls, kissing her and stroking her mouth with his tongue. He feels her nails loosen on his upper arms and he begins to slow the kiss, shifting his weight ever so slightly. His hips begin to mirror the movements of his tongue, sliding in and out, slowly at first, then beginning to pick up the pace, moving faster and deeper.
“Oh God, Baby, you feel so good, so tight, so good,” he mumbles into Elsie’s ear as his hips begin to pound into her and with one last thrust he buries his twitching cock inside Elsie’s sore hole and cums.
He slumps against Elsie’s tense body, breathing heavily as sweat pours from his forehead.
What the hell just happened? Elsie asks herself, lying beneath Charlie’s spent frame. Her eyes are darting everywhere, trying to comprehend everything that’s just happened. She’s clutching his arms, which rest limply at her sides, much like the deflated penis that’s slipping out of her. I just lost my virginity….and it totally sucked!
Charlie stirs on top of her, “Mmm, Baby, that was so good, thank you,” Charlie says, lifting his head and giving her a quick peck on the lips, before he lifts himself off her. He sits on the backseat, forcing Elsie to move her legs and shift into a sitting position. He rolls off the condom, opens the door, then throws it out into the field.
“That’s littering,” Elsie says breaking the awkward silence.
He looks at her as if she has three heads.
“It’s all good, Babe,” he says, smiling as if it’s no big deal, like he doesn’t have to follow the rules.
“No, it’s not good. What if a deer eats it? It’ll choke and die,” she says, completely exasperated by his total disregard for anyone, or anything, except himself.
“Well then, I guess it could be a new kind of blow job,” he laughs at his stupid joke.
“You’re an asshole,” Elsie blurts out.
“Yeah, and you just fucked me. Come on, I’ll take you home,” he says to her, triumphantly.
Elsie could not feel anymore used and degraded than she did at that moment. She wants claw at her eyes and rip her hair out.
Elsie knew that her life would never be the same. Charlie had broken something inside her and the scars would last a lifetime.
*
Monday morning at school, Elsie feels like she’s got a huge blinking sign on her that reads, ‘I lost my virginity to Charlie Myers,’ and she wants to shout out, And it totally sucked!
She can’t help looking around at the faces in the hallways, wondering if anyone knows and who might be talking about her. She had to wear a loose, long-sleeved top, which was odd for this time of year. But no one paid any attention to her. No one saw the fear and the pain in her eyes. No one cared. Especially not Charlie.
When he dropped her off Saturday night, he leaned over to her side of the car, gave her a quick, obligatory, peck on the cheek, and said good night. She got out of the car and slammed the door. She couldn’t get away from him fast enough, and once inside she ran upstairs, mumbling responses to her parent’s questions as she flew by. She tore off her clothes and got into a scalding shower, trying to scrub the filth and humiliation off herself. Despite her best efforts, she couldn’t scrub the feelings from her, they choked and strangled her.
Feeling distraught and hopeless, she saw the Bic razors. She stood and stared at them for a long moment as thoughts began to click into place, in her screaming mind. Picking up one of the razors, she examined it. She stepped out of the still running shower, leaving a sopping wet path on the floor, and opened the drawers in the vanity, looking for something to break the razor open with. She stepped back into the cocoon of cascading water and made the first cut across the underside of her forearm. The sting of pain was a blissful welcome release, taking her away from the pain of the night. She watched her blood mix with the water and thought the red looked beautiful, swirling against the stark white tub. She sat down, and leaned back, then filled each arm with slices. The cuts weren’t very deep but the blood carried away her humiliation and filled her with euphoria, it was almost like a drug, intoxicating her.
School was the same, nothing was different. The ‘thems’ kept to themselves, especially Charlie. It was as if their date had never happened, except the slices along Elsie’s arms were a constant reminder. Elsie pulled even deeper into herself. It truly was ‘them and me’ now.
It should have gotten easier, it should have melted into the background and disappeared like yesterday’s TV shows. But it didn’t. And it was getting harder for Elsie to escape the painful memories. The cutting became more frequent, more intense. Until finally, one night, her parents had to rush her to the emergency room, because she cut too deep. It took sixteen stitches to close up the gashes and earned her a night in the hospital. Then there was the psychiatrist, who sent her home with a prescription for depression.
The worst part was not just that Elsie’s parents wouldn’t leave her alone but they pitied her and looked at her like she was crazy. Maybe she was, maybe she was a stark raving lunatic. Nevertheless, she thought it was better than being like the rest of the self-centered materialistic assholes at school.
