“Yeah, it’s a real hoot,” Elsie answers her absently as she thinks about this new information.
Wow. John. I might see him tonight. God, I’ve missed him so much, Elsie thinks as she lets all of those old feelings wash over her and her heart pounds.
In hindsight, Elsie had gotten the feeling during a couple of therapy sessions that John had visited the therapist as well, just from the line of questioning and the things that were discussed. But Elsie was too much of a mess, barely holding onto the last tattered fringes of her sanity, to grasp it at the time.
Her heart constricts in her chest with everything that she felt for him exploding inside of her again. She’s pushed it down, all these months, knowing she couldn’t deal with that and getting her head back on straight.
He went back over to that shithole?! Is he crazy? If anything happens to him I’ll never be able to forgive myself, Elsie thinks as pain and fear etch into her mind with visions of John getting injured.
“El, you ok?” Elizabeth’s voice breaks into Elsie’s thoughts.
“Yeah, I’m good. And it’s cool, I’ll be fine if they’re there,” Elsie says. She’s trying to put up her tough girl façade, her go-to defense mechanism.
It will be so good to see him, the thought floods her mind and warms her body. A giddy smile spreads across her face before she can stop it. Calm down Girl, don’t let Elizabeth know you’re looking forward to seeing him, he might not even be there tonight.
“Ok, then. I think Janie said something about picking you up, so you two can ride together and not walk in alone.”
“I’ll give her a call now. And Elizabeth?”
“Yes?”
“Happy Valentine’s Day,” Elsie manages to get out as a swell of love and caring fills her suddenly.
“Happy Valentine’s Day, El,” Elizabeth tells her best friend, the strong emotion evident in her words.
*
Elsie’s hair is a little longer now, she’s wearing it in a new style, and it gives her a whole different look. She’s lucky her hairdresser agreed to come over to her apartment and do her hair for her, sensing Elsie’s hesitancy. Elizabeth set it up for her, they go to the same salon.
As she looks in the mirror to give her reflection a final once over, before meeting Janie to leave for the Bid-A-Date function, she starts to worry her lip.
What if he doesn’t like this look? What if he hates me for leaving the way I did? What if he didn’t care that I left at all?
Hope, fear, apprehension, desire, uncertainty. All of these emotions, and more, are swirling within Elsie, taking turns trying to grab ahold of her and control her. Some want to disable and cripple her, and suck her back into the cold dark place of despair she’s worked so hard to break free of these past months. Others are trying to motivate and entice her, pushing her forward so fast that she would ultimately spin out of control and crash head-first, also sending her back into a place of despair and confusion.
No, she is now able to recognize those self-defeating emotions and choose not to give them a place inside of her. It’s a day by day battle, sometimes minute by minute, but she’s in control, it’s her life, her mind, she’s at the wheel, and it’s so empowering.
This is me, Elsie thinks, I am who I am. I’m not what happened to me. I am beautiful and strong, and I’m going to kick some serious ass tonight!
A warm smile of relief spreads across Elsie’s face. She knows now, right at this moment, after all the pain, all the tears, heart aches and sacrifices, she is finally free.
*
The night is very cool and the stars are crisp. It’s just like every other Friday night in Downtown Wilmington, people walking and laughing, thinking that maybe tonight they just might get lucky. And if they get really lucky, they’ll meet that someone special.
Elsie has allowed herself to relive some of those magical moments she spent with John. The words were hard to recall, but the feel of his skin, how his fingers and lips stroked her skin, how safe and adored she’d felt in his arms, all of those memories came pouring out like a dam breaking inside of her. She’d locked them up in that special place, where she kept them tucked away until she was ready for them again. Her hand reaches up to touch her fingers lightly along the choker that John had given to her that night. The simple gentle touch makes the breath catch in her lungs and sends electric ripples through her body. This is the first time she’s taken it out of its pouch since she left his house.
I wonder what his reaction will be when he sees it…
Elsie and Janie walk through the lobby on their way to the hall where the Bid-A-Date function is being held. The place is filled with giggling females, all talking about how they hope to get a date with a hot man in uniform. Janie and Elsie look at each other and roll their eyes, then start to laugh to themselves. They’re laughing at the women, not with them.
When they get to the entrance of the hall, Elsie hesitates a moment. Janie notices the apprehension and walks her to the side, their arms hooked together.
“You ok Kiddo?” Janie asks Elsie, squeezing her hand comfortingly.
“Yeah, I’m good. I was just checking out everyone’s clothes. We are the best dressed bitches in this place,” Elsie tells her friend.
They say if you act it then you’ll be it. Elsie’s making every attempt at being strong and brave. But inside she’s scared shitless.
“You’re damn right, we’re the best dressed bitches here, the three of us! A very dear friend of mine made these dresses, she is
