Now, looking at him, I saw that his eyes were no longer ringed in pink, but clear and white again, their blue-grayness stark and beautiful.
“We’re talking about whatever action jumps off, brother,” Jah said. “You either down with all of it, or down with none of it.”
Kai gave a small laugh and shook his head. “Huh,” he said. “Is that true though?”
“It’s absolutely true,” Tee chimed in.
Jah held up a hand to silence her, taking a step forward. Not like he was about to fight, but like he was priming himself for an amusing argument with a clearly inferior adversary.
“Should Nat Turner have killed every man, woman and child?” he asked. “Burned all those plantations? Or should he have spared the nice ones? The massas who let their slaves have helpings of pork fat on Sundays?”
“In this analogy, I guess you’re Nat Turner?” Kai said.
“Maybe not, brother. But you are most definitely a slave.”
For a moment I wondered whether Kai was going to hit him. I saw a twitch working at his jaw, and his eyes grew darker. As his grin disappeared, Jah’s smile made an appearance.
“Look …” I stepped between them. “Let’s just make a plan. I mean, we can all go back down there, but if things look like …”
“If things look like what?” Tianna snapped. “Messy? Out of control? Listen, we either in this, or we not in it. Because once we get down there, we need to already know which side we’re on. Ain’t no half-steppin’.”
Everyone fell silent for a few moments while around us, people had begun streaming back south, towards homes, cars, or an indeterminate phase two, down by City Hall.
“Why’re we headed back down that way though?” I asked. “I mean …”
“Because that’s where the heart of this city is,” Tianna said. “Where the wealth is, where the protected ones are. This shit happening up here? This is a tv show to them! Until we make some noise right outside their window, where they shop at, where they … jog at, where they get their five-dollar lattes and hundred-dollar blowouts, they won’t give a shit!”
“And the reason to do it after-dark is …”
“Because that’s when they sleep, Lila. And there should be no rest. Not for the wicked.”
Next to me, Kai heaved a deep sigh.
“A’ight,” he said. “Well y’all be safe. Lila?”
I looked up at him, and then at Tee who had turned her back to me and was conferring with Jah.
Julie looked ambivalent as well, but I knew from experience she wasn’t about to challenge Tianna and definitely not Jah.
“So … you’re leaving?” I asked Kai, lowering my voice.
He nodded. “You should come with me.”
“I … But I came with …”
“Lila, you just met this dude like ten minutes ago.” Tianna’s voice broke into our conversation. I didn’t even know she had been listening. “You really gon’ leave with him and don’t know him from a can of paint instead of comin’ with us to do what we came here to do?”
Kai held my arm and pulled me a little further away from the others, leaning in and lowering his voice.
“You know what’s gonna happen down there, right?”
I shook my head. “That isn’t how Tianna operates. That isn’t how Jah …”
“Maybe not. But look at this crowd …” Kai looked around and I did as well. “You see it?”
Compared to when we’d first arrived when the energy was at about a six or seven, now it was close to a ten.
“They’re all hype,” Kai said. “No one’s thinking right now. It’s all emotion.”
“And what’s wrong with that? If you’re not in your feelings in this moment, after everything that’s happened? Then I’m sorry, but you’re dead inside.”
At that, Kai straightened up a little, and his eyes narrowed.
“It’s not just about what you feel, it’s about how you express it. You think I’m not mad too?”
“Then march with us! Come back down to …”
“Y’know what? Your friend Tianna is right. You just met me. You know her. So, if you feel good about going back down there with her, that’s what you should do. But … I don’t.”
“She wouldn’t …”
“It’s not just about her. She’s one of one thousand right now. And I’m a thought-precedes-action kinda dude. I’m not willing to get in the mix to wait and see what jumps off.”
“I am thinking! It’s not like I’m just mindlessly …”
“Following?” he finished for me.
I looked at him and swallowed hard.
“Okay,” I said. “Y’know what … You’re right. I don’t even know why I’m trying to convince you. It was cool hanging out today. I’m glad I got to meet you, Kai.”
And then I turned and to walk away from him, but he held my arm.
I thought—and honestly, I kind of hoped—he was going to make one last-ditch effort to stop me.
But he didn’t. He extended a hand, and when I looked down, I saw that he was just giving me back my tether.
Tianna walked just ahead of me next to Jah, their heads close together as they talked. I couldn’t hear them, because we were in a crowd of more than two dozen people, clustered together and heading back in the direction of City Hall.
When Kai had turned and walked off in another direction, I watched him until he was out of sight, my heart clenching when I realized that he wasn’t going to turn around to look at me. He was so certain, that he hadn’t even spared me a backward glance. My throat and chest tightened further, in a way that felt vastly out of proportion with what was actually happening. I mean, he was a virtual stranger. A guy I had spoken to for a few hours, superficially bonding over a semi-shared
