It was a kind gesture—his changing the subject like that. Ken appreciated it. Matthew appeared completely oblivious to undercurrents, which was a relief. Ken didn’t want to know what the man would say if he found out some old country sheriff was screwing his beautiful, brilliant younger sister.
Ken did his best to keep up his end of the conversation, but his heart was racing the whole time and his blood was pumping with impending crisis.
Madeline wasn’t going to like this.
She wasn’t going to like it at all.
HE NORMALLY WENT INTO the office after breakfast to take care of emails, paperwork, and logistical nonsense so he had the rest of the day to handle emergencies and issues that came up, but today he went over to the library instead.
Madeline was working there this morning, and he needed to talk to her.
To his relief, he found her in the back room near where he’d kissed her the first time. The library wasn’t empty today, but most of the people were clustered near the computers in the front. No one was around when Ken found her in the back.
“Hey,” she said, smiling with a surprised pleasure that went right to his heart. “What are you doing here?” Before he could answer, she picked up a book from the cart beside her. “I’m shelving books. The high schooler who works weekends bailed on us, so they really got piled up and someone had to do it. I don’t mind.” She smiled as she slid a book into a small space between two others. “I kind of like to put things into their proper places.”
He would have kissed her had they not been in public and had he not been so uptight over what he had to tell her. He cleared his throat, trying to figure out how to begin.
“What’s the matter?” she asked, frowning as she turned toward him. “Is something wrong?”
“Uh, not really. I mean, I hope not. Just something I wanted to tell you right away.”
“Okay.” She came out from behind the cart, her hands twisting together. “You’re making me nervous. What is it?”
“I was having breakfast with Jacob and Matthew,” he began.
She sucked in a sharp breath. “You didn’t tell them, did you?”
“No!” He sounded more vehement than he’d intended, but surely she didn’t think he was such an asshole to spill a secret she’d asked him not to share. “Of course I didn’t.”
Her face was already relaxing. “I’m sorry. I know you wouldn’t have done that. I didn’t mean to... I’m sorry.” Her eyes were big and worried.
“It’s fine. And the truth is I’m afraid Jacob might have figured it out. I didn’t tell him anything. Not a single word. But I guess Ria might have mentioned something about you having a secret relationship, and then when I wouldn’t tell him who I was dating, he kind of...”
Madeline grew very still as he spoke. “Did he say something?”
“No. But I could see his mind working. He didn’t say anything to Matthew. Matthew doesn’t know anything. But I think Jacob does. And I think he’ll probably say something to Ria. I mean, it makes sense he’d...” Ken trailed off. He was pleased that his voice still sounded relaxed when he was feeling anything but.
This felt like it could be the end for them. Madeline had been very clear the whole time that she was only comfortable with them together if no one knew about them.
And Ken couldn’t stand it. His stomach churned sickeningly, and he was mentally flailing around for some way to save what had become incredibly important to him.
Madeline wasn’t looking at his face. She stared at his shirt as she took a long, slow breath.
“I’m sorry,” Ken murmured. “I know you didn’t want this. I tried to... but Jacob is pretty smart.”
“I know he is. And the truth is it’s been hard to keep it from Ria and Skye. They both know something is going on with me. They’ve tried to be patient, but I know it’s bothering them that I won’t tell.”
Ken was desperate enough to take a very big risk. “Would it be so bad?” he asked softly. Gently. “If they found out? Would it be so bad?”
“Yes.” She gulped visibly. “It would be bad.”
Ken tried to hold back the next thing, but his chest was aching painfully now and he simply couldn’t help it. “Why?”
“Because if three people know, then everyone is eventually going to know. That’s just how these things work.”
“And why would that be so bad? So what if people know about us?”
“So what?” Her voice broke, and her eyes were huge as she turned them to gaze up at him. “You know so what, Ken. You know this had to be a secret.”
Past tense.
She was now using past tense to talk about them.
Ken was so desperate he reached out to hold on to her upper arm. Not hard or forceful. More like clinging to a lifeline. “I know you wanted it that way, and it made it easier. But is it really that... that necessary? What would it change?”
“Everything! It would change everything. Everyone will think... I’m your girlfriend. And I can’t be that. I want to be what we’ve been.” There were tears in her eyes now. “Ken, how could you...?” She trailed off, but he heard the faint accusation in her tone.
“I didn’t tell anyone,” he gritted out. “Not anyone. I kept your secret.” He heard the tinge of anger in his voice. He’d always prided himself on never losing his temper. Even when he felt it, he never showed it. He honestly couldn’t remember the last time he’d sounded angry with anyone.
Madeline obviously heard it too. She flinched back, tears sliding
