She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. It was like the doom she’d known was coming—the doom that she deserved for her irrational fears and hang-ups—had suddenly been revoked. “But I should be... if you’re ready, I should be ready too.”
“Why? Is that some sort of rule? It doesn’t work that way. Maybe we’re both on the rebound, but I’m a lot further away from my relationship than you are. And mine never hurt me the way yours did. I can wait for you, Madeline. I’m happy to wait for you. As long as you think... as long as it’s more than sex for you too, then I can wait for anything else. I promise I can. You’re not taking advantage of me. You’re not using me. This is exactly what I want. Being with you, in any way you’re able to give me. Unless you know... unless you know for sure that you can never care for me like that.”
She had to stop crying enough for her to answer his earnest declaration. She’d never seen eyes as nakedly tender as his. It took a minute to control her emotion enough to speak. “I... I do. Care for you like that.”
With a ragged sound, he reached over to grab one of her hands. “You do?”
“Yes. I do. It’s more than sex for me too. I want more. I do. I’m just so scared...” Her tissue was sopping wet now and couldn’t absorb any more tears, so she had to make do with her sleeve. “I was a girlfriend for so many years, and it was... it was so hard. So soul-sucking. I never felt like myself. It never made me happy.”
Ken reached into the side pocket on his door and pulled out a stack of fast-food paper napkins, which she accepted gratefully. “I know that. I know you’re scared. I get it. I understand. You don’t have to be my girlfriend. We don’t have to call it that. Not right now and not ever if that’s not what you want. I just want to be with you, and I want it to mean something.”
“It does,” she whispered from behind one of the napkins.
“It does?”
She nodded, almost smiling now as a swell of deep joy started to rise inside her. “It does. You do. You mean so much to me.”
He made a sound that was a half-relieved laugh and a half sob. He raised her free hand to his lips and pressed a kiss against the knuckles. “That’s all I need.”
“Are you sure? Because the last thing I want to do is make you unhappy.”
“Seriously? Do I look unhappy to you?”
One look at his face proved that unhappiness was the last thing in the world he was feeling. She’d never seen Ken—or any man—look the way he did right now. Like something huge was bursting out of him, threatening to tear apart his characteristic relaxed manner. Like he was too full of joy to contain it. “So we can stay together?”
He kissed the palm of her hand and then leaned over to claim her lips. It wasn’t deep. Just sweet and a little clumsy. She loved it. “I’m not about to let you go,” he murmured against her mouth.
They were both smiling rather dopily as they pulled apart. “So do you still want to go home?” he asked, putting his truck back into drive at last. Fortunately, no one was on the road, and so they hadn’t gotten honked at.
“Maybe we should just go back to your place. We still have that wine to drink. And I left those beautiful flowers. And poor Marlowe is probably crushed that you just ran out on him.”
“He is. He was crying like a baby at the door when I came after you. He knew we were both upset, and there was nothing he could do about it.” Ken made a U-turn in the intersection and headed back toward his house.
“Poor little thing.” Madeline felt like giggling with an overflow of feeling, but she figured that was better than crying any more, which was the other thing she felt like doing. “He’ll be happy to see us come home.”
MARLOWE WAS HAPPY. In fact, he was so ecstatic at their return that he ran gleeful laps around the kitchen, dining, and living rooms.
They pet the dog and drank the rest of their wine and cuddled on the couch for a long time, both of them too emotionally exhausted to do much talking.
But Madeline could feel Ken’s affection. His understanding. His devotion. And it was everything she felt for him too. And she was starting to see how bringing it out into the open—changing their relationship—wasn’t going to transform the way they were together.
Ken wasn’t going to become Josh, just because they were no longer no strings attached. Of course they wouldn’t always be this blissfully happy, but Ken would always be who he was.
And he was one of the best men she’d ever known. The kindest. Most generous. That wasn’t going to change just because they now had ties between them.
Since she’d been so messily emotional, she took a shower before bed. Ken got in with her, and he held her under the hot spray. Not kissing. Not caressing. Just holding her tightly for a long time.
She felt safe. Warm. Loved.
When they got into bed, he held her some more, but eventually the hug deepened into more. He kissed her for a long time. Stroked her body until she was hot and wet and deeply aroused. Then he sank inside her. She wrapped her arms and legs around him. They rocked together, sometimes kissing and sometimes gazing at each other in the dark. Eventually the delicious friction tightened into a climax, and she came with a broken sob. He came after her, jerking and rasping words that
