The wetness between her legs brought something starkly to her realization. “Shit. We should have used a condom.”
He winced and jerked his head to the side, clearly as taken aback as she was by their immature gaff. “Damn. What an idiot I am. I didn’t even think about it. Are you—?”
She made a face. “I haven’t been in that kind of relationship in more than a year. I’m not on birth control.” A rush of panic almost overwhelmed her for a moment, but she fought her way through it. “But it’s not really the time of the month... I mean, we could get unlucky. Things happen. But this isn’t the time of the month where I’m likely to get...” She let out a gust of air. “Shit.”
Jacob licked his lips and then sat up. He reached over to put a big hand on her arm. “Hey. It’s going to be okay. We’ll take care of it. Whatever happens.”
He was being kind, and she appreciated it. But his kindness made her feel even more shaky, less certain. Because she’d thought he was kindhearted before and then he’d left her anyway.
“It’ll probably be okay.”
“Okay.”
She gave him a wobbly smile. “Anyway, I guess that put a damper on hot sex.”
“No, it didn’t.” His voice was thick. Something was changing in his eyes. They looked full. Deep.
Terrifying.
She almost choked on a sudden flare of fear and clumsily pulled on her top and panties. “I did have a good time,” she managed to say.
The deep look in his eyes shifted slightly. His lips turned down in a confused frown.
“Thank you for... for making sure I enjoyed it. It was nice of you.” She hated the sound of her own words. The way they minimized what had felt very special to her. But she didn’t really have a choice here. She had to keep things safe for her, and the only way sex with Jacob could be safe was if it was purely recreational.
It couldn’t mean something.
That would mean her heart was in it.
And that would mean it would get broken again.
“Ria?” He was straightening up. “Ria, we should probably talk—”
“We can,” she interrupted on the edge of panicking again, this time about what would happen if she and Jacob were to have a real talk about what had just occurred between them. “We can talk about it later. But I feel kind of... kind of weird and icky right now, and I want to go home and clean up. We’ll talk later.”
She saw Jacob’s face change, close down, as she babbled out the words.
She’d hurt him, and she felt sick about it.
But she wasn’t—wasn’t, wasn’t—going to hurt herself again.
Better to set the boundaries now before things got even messier between them.
“Okay.” That was all Jacob said. He hadn’t moved from where he sat on the blanket.
It was her blanket, but she didn’t give a damn about that. She needed to get out of there.
Right now.
“Okay,” she said, managing another smile. “We’ll talk later. Thanks again.”
Thanks again.
That was what she’d said to him. After deep, amazing sex.
She was crying as she hurried down the hill and back to her car.
Jacob hadn’t said another word.
SHE DROVE BACK TO THE house she shared with her sister. Their parents’ house. A big Victorian in one of the older parts of Azalea. Her parents had kept the house up well, so it was still in good condition. She parked around back and went in the kitchen door, hoping Belinda wouldn’t be around.
She was around. Belinda was in the living room, stretched out on the couch with her laptop on her thighs. “Hey,” she told Ria with an absent smile.
“Hey.” Ria wasn’t going to linger. She wanted to hide in her room. Belinda was distracted with her computer. Maybe she wouldn’t notice anything was wrong.
“Ria, what the hell?” Belinda demanded. She put her laptop on the coffee table and stood up.
Ria sighed and turned around. “I’ve just had a bad day.”
“You’ve had more than a bad day. Tell me what’s going on, and tell me right now.”
Tears streamed down Ria’s face again. “I really messed up.”
Belinda gestured toward the couch. “Then we’ll fix it. Tell me what happened.”
Seven
A FEW DAYS LATER, JACOB was sitting at the counter in Anna’s Diner, sipping a cup of coffee and wondering if Ria would walk by on her way into the flower shop. He knew she usually got up early to meet wholesalers for flower deliveries and to get started on the local orders, but then she’d go back to her place for a while to shower and have breakfast before coming back in to open the shop. Right now was probably her second trip to the shop.
He’d seen her walking by at the same time yesterday, which was why he came back to Anna’s this morning.
His grandfather was declining every day now. He couldn’t have more than a couple more days. And there was nothing for Jacob to do about it except work around the house and sit by the old man’s bed and wait.
He’d called Ria once a day since they’d had sex on Saturday, but she hadn’t called him back. Yesterday she’d sent him a text saying she’d seen his calls but she thought it was better if they let it rest a few days before they talked.
Let it rest.
That was what she’d said.
All he wanted to do was bury himself in her warmth and sweetness—preferably for the rest of her life—and she wanted to let it rest.
The part of him that resented this—that was angry about her pushing him away after what they’d shared on Saturday afternoon—was constantly drowned out by the realistic side of him that kept reminding him this was all his own fault.
Of course she didn’t want to jump back into a relationship with him.
Of course she was hesitant about giving herself to him again.
Of course she didn’t trust him.
Look at what he’d done to her before.
Sometimes this voice also added that he should
