“Not at all.” She’d said it, and she’d meant it. Taking a sip of her water, she put it down on the table and rubbed her hands together, trying to reduce their chill from the cold glass.
She started with her thumbs in her neck, gently massaging and loosening up the knots that lurked there under the skin. “You haven’t had this done to you in a while, have you?” Her neck was as tight as steel rods.
“Nope.” Liv’s smile was strained, at least what Ryan could see of it. That was the unfortunate thing about massage therapy. It hurt until it didn’t.
She worked on her neck for a while longer and then started going down her back just a bit, evaluating the rest of her muscles. A full-body massage would have to be a necessity at some point. Not just because she wanted to get her hands all over Liv, but because she was so tense to the point of snapping.
“I know I need help.” Liv’s soft voice caught her off guard, to the point her hands stopped moving.
It was the first time Ryan had ever heard those words. She wasn’t certain she would ever hear them again. Were they an apology? She started moving her hands again, not certain what to say.
“I shouldn’t have shut you out.” Something cracked in Liv’s voice, and Ryan turned in time to see a tear slide down Liv’s cheek before she pushed it away.
Ryan knew what she wanted to do. Pick her up, hug her, kiss her, tell her everything was going to be okay. But Liv was actually opening up to her, sharing feelings and actual facts instead of impressions and vague hints. Instead of speaking, she leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of Liv’s head. Vaguely domestic, and possibly a bit creepy, but it was the easiest spot to reach at the moment.
“Mom had cancer,” Liv said, her voice stronger now. It was as if she was relieving the past, as if it was rolling out in front of her and she was finally acknowledging it. “And she didn’t want me to tell anyone.”
Ryan nodded, working on the tense muscles of Liv’s shoulders. “Why?”
“Mom was agoraphobic,” Liv said, closing her eyes. “I was raised with the mantra that you could only trust the family.”
“I wouldn’t have told anyone,” Ryan said softly. There was a hint of hurt in her words, a decade’s worth of hurt swelling up and threatening to overwhelm her.
Liv reached up and took her hand, stopping the massage for a moment. There was a sadness in her eyes. Not that she was about to cry, but almost a hollowness. As if she was reliving a tragedy. “I grew up being told that if I told anyone anything about my family, we’d have to leave.” Liv swallowed thickly. “I didn’t want to leave you.”
“Until you did.” Ryan exhaled slowly, trying to keep the bitterness out of her voice. She thought she had processed all of them, but apparently not.
“Yeah.” Liv’s smile was sad. “Until I did.”
The two of them stayed in the same spots, the weight of everything in the past threatening to roll them over. Ryan felt her brain processing the information, but her heart was already willing to forgive. Was the rest of her ready?
“Well, this time you’re not allowed to run away.” Ryan kept the words as lighthearted as she could, the emotions prickling over her skin. It was silly, how much it meant. She was such a strong woman. But finally letting that hurt go, letting Liv back into her life — it was a risk, and a big one.
But Liv was worth it.
Liv chuckled. “I won’t.” She leaned her head into one of Ryan’s hands, her eyes closing. “I won’t.”
Monday 24th October; 9pm
Liv sat in the living room drinking coffee. It was nearly bedtime, and Ryan was still there with her and Gram. Not that Liv particularly wanted her to leave, after everything that had happened. But she felt raw. She had stripped open wounds that hadn’t been touched in so long.
She had never questioned her mother’s strict rules, and it had lost her so much.
“Are you safe here?” Ryan asked, catching Liv off guard. Her gaze flickered to the two boarded windows. Liv’s eyes followed, and she hesitated.
“I hope so,” she said finally. “I don’t know.”
“We’ve got Mocha,” Gram said, reaching down and giving Mocha a pat as she sat next to them.
“Yes, and she is the most ferocious guard dog,” Liv said with a smirk. In a way, she was. Mocha had no hesitation about barking at things that didn’t belong. One of the best of her beagle qualities, in Liv’s opinion.
Gram got up, heading back into the kitchen. Liv watched her until she faded from view, but anxiety prickled faintly under her skin. Gram was still pretty independent, except for those few evenings where something cracked and she forgot everything. But it still worried her.
“Come with me to work.” Ryan’s words were impulsive. “You’ll be safe there.”
“What about Gram?” Liv shook her head helplessly. “I have to keep her safe.” And run the coffee shop at the same time, somehow, but at least River was keeping an eye on that for her.
“She could come with us.” Ryan shrugged.
Liv hesitated.
Then a crash from the kitchen sent her running. Gram was laying on the floor, an arm flung out with her eyes closed.
Liv froze.
“Call 911,” Ryan said, tossing Liv the phone and checking Gram for a pulse and breathing.
Liv did, feeling the ice crack around her as her body figured out exactly what it was supposed to be doing. She didn’t panic, she never had. But at that moment, she did. “I need an ambulance.”
“It’ll be about ten minutes,” the 911 operator warned.
Liv swore under her breath, causing Ryan to lift her eyebrows. It was rare she got vulgar, but the distance from emergency services was one of the worst things about living so far out
