I looked over at the bedside table, all the blood draining from my face as I saw what Isauros has left me. It was the final nail in my coffin, a sign that she fully expected me to rid this world of myself so that she could finally be free of her bitterness:
A razor blade.
Chapter 20
Anna
I don’t know how long I sat there, staring at the blade.
A thousand thoughts ran through my mind, replaying every word that Isauros had said to me. I was the product of a horrible moment in my mother’s life, yet she had birthed me anyway. She had suffered through my father raping her, a bitter wife offering her suicide to ease her own conscience, and being chained to the wall by the one man my mother had likely trusted.
I didn’t know what to think.
Leaning back on the pillows, I fought the steady stream of tears that seemed to never stop. I had known that my father wasn’t a perfect man, but I had hoped that he might have found happiness in my mom. I thought that maybe she had broken through his façade and they had fallen in love.
Then I had come along, and my mom had fled to keep their love a secret.
But none of that fairy tale had been the truth. Instead she had endured horrible things at his hand, only to flee so that he wouldn’t kill me in the end.
Had she understood it all? I couldn’t help but wonder if my mom had gotten too deep in a game that she didn’t understand.
Heck, I was in a game that I didn’t understand. My understanding of the royals and how they functioned was fractured at best. Every day I learned something new, something disturbing about how they thought, about how they attempted to be the one on top in the end.
And after what Isauros said, I was starting to think that they might not be human sometimes.
Dragging a hand over my face, I stared at the razor blade on the table. What had my mother thought before she picked up that blade and attempted suicide?
Had she not seen the light at the end of the tunnel? I certainly didn’t.
Had she been scared of Isauros? I was.
Had she been scared of my father? I was, and he had been dead a long time.
What about her future? Had my mom thought about what she could provide for me with my father’s life hanging over her head?
To commit suicide was the ultimate act of simply giving up. I had never considered it before, never gotten to a point in my life that I didn’t think I could get through.
But now, I wasn’t so sure. I was the product of a rape. I had no friends save Sara. I couldn’t even bask the glory that I had found my family now that I knew my father had been a cruel, evil person and my mother had suffered so much that she couldn’t keep me.
More than that, the kings only wanted my birthright. No one cared about me or what I needed. No one even gave a shit if I woke in the morning or enjoyed my company.
No, I was just some crazy pawn in this weird life that these royals lived in. A life that I didn’t belong in.
It wasn’t going to matter if I did follow through with my father’s will. They would never accept me.
A bastard.
I was never going to fit in. I couldn’t relate to their rich-kid problems, couldn’t even talk the right way to keep the frowns at bay.
And I sure as hell couldn’t pull off the fact that I should be in their world because honestly, I didn’t.
And I couldn’t leave. Where would I go?
Would Isauros track me down and get rid of me anyway?
What if I was around Sara or had found someone to spend my life with when she did?
I would be putting them all in danger, something I couldn’t live with.
Biting my lip, I picked up the razor blade carefully, the light glinting off the sharpened edge. I could make it all go away. I could make myself go away and no one would have to figure out who I was going to marry or if I was going to take the throne.
Poor little orphan American taking the sorry way out. I didn’t see it as sorry. I saw it as ending the pain that was blooming in my chest, finishing what should have happened before I was born.
If Isauros hadn’t stepped in and given my mom that paperwork, then I would have been killed by my father.
Before I had a chance to live.
I thought about everyone who would miss me. Sara, of course.
Would the kings? Likely they would see their ticket to a better future gone from their grip, but the memories of me would fade rather quickly.
Johanna might miss me, but she, too, would move on and I would become a distant memory.
Wouldn’t it be easier if I did it now?
I sobbed as I held the razor up to my wrist, wondering how long it would take before the pain would go away and I would drift off to nothing.
Seconds?
Minutes?
Would my last thought be of my mother or of something less?
Drawing in a breath, I clenched my jaw. This was best for everyone.
I vaguely heard a door open behind me and then the blade went flying out of my hand, my gaze meeting Royce’s angry one.
“Oh my God!” Johanna cried out, rushing to my side. “What are you doing, Anna?”
I continued to stare at Royce, seeing
