Abbot Kuno, as if guessing what was going through my mind, said in a tone that was almost gracious, “We must rejoice that the investiture settlement gives the Church a spiritual autonomy. It will also ensure peace throughout the realm.”
“I am not sure about that, Father.” I pulled my arm discreetly against another tug from below. “The emperor will still be able to put pressure on the clergy as he did to Archbishop Adalbert when he put him in prison.”
The abbot grew suspicious. “How do you know so much about the concordat?”
I faltered, belatedly realizing that I might get Volmar in trouble. But then Helenger renewed his attack. “How?” he snarled. “It’s obvious—she’s a witch! The Devil let her into the scriptorium at night and she read the copies!” His voice rose hysterically.
For the first time, I saw the abbot redden with anger. “I will not have this kind of talk in Chapter or anywhere else within this abbey! This meeting is over!” He turned to the monks. “You are dismissed. And you”—he pointed a finger at me—“will see me in my parlor.”
He exited hastily, and the monks followed at a more leisurely pace amid a buzz of talk and occasional glances at me. Rising from the bench, Volmar gave me a reproachful look. I held my hand out in an apologetic gesture, but he walked away. As the chamber emptied, Brother Wigbert came over, shaking his head resignedly. “I will go with you,” he said, “and you better show some contrition.”
The fire crackling in the hearth banished the autumn gloom and spread a pleasant warmth throughout the parlor. The abbot was sitting at his desk, and the prior occupied the usual place at his right shoulder, standing with his hands folded inside the sleeves of his robe. The orange glow danced on their faces, one weary and the other maliciously alert. When I walked in, the abbot asked without any preamble, “Are you aware that novices are not allowed to speak up during Chapter meetings unless specifically invited to do so?”
“I am now, Father,” I replied humbly, mindful of Brother Wigbert’s admonition, although it was all I could do to stop myself from reminding him that I had, in fact, been invited to speak—just on a different subject. “I beg your indulgence.”
“This was your first infraction, so I am going be lenient. You are not to leave the convent for three days, and you will lie flat through each service of the Divine Office as penance during that time.”
“Yes, Father.”
“You should thank Father Abbot for not putting you on bread and water,” Helenger
growled, unhappy with so light a sentence. “Still, this will teach you not to speak on matters you don’t understand. Who do you fancy yourself to be now—a papal representative?”
“No, but neither are you.”
The prior’s face paled. “This level of insolence is not to be tolerated!” His whole frame was shaking.
I thought the abbot’s chin twitched before he composed his features into a stern look. “I am concerned that you do not know your proper place, Hildegard.”
“Father, if I may,” Brother Wigbert interjected. “I will gladly remind my assistant what her role is. She has had much success in the infirmary and may think that it entitles her to express opinions on other issues and in other forums. It won’t happen again.”
His intentions were good, but I was stung nonetheless. How could he talk so dismissively about me, and as if I were not even there? I remained silent, but inside I nursed a great sense of injustice.
Helenger would not let the opportunity slip. “Why is she still allowed to walk freely around the abbey, I wonder?” His voice rose shrilly again. “Shouldn’t she be confined to the enclosure to prepare for her vows? She is of age, and her continuing presence is a distraction and a bad influence on the monks. I have seen how some of them look at her—”
“Prior Helenger!”
“Forgive me for speaking so bluntly, Father, but the second year of her novitiate is coming to an end, and instead of retiring to the convent to become an anchoress, she is taking trips to the town and usurping Sister Jutta’s role as magistra.”
“I am not usurping anybody’s role!” I protested vehemently, my cheeks burning with anger and shame at his insinuations. “Sister Jutta remains our superior.”
“You see, Father? All she does is argue like a lawyer at the emperor’s court. She needs to learn her place. There is no room for insubordination in a holy community.”
“Speaking up at Chapter without an invitation is not a grave violation of The Rule, and she has been reprimanded,” the abbot reminded him with a touch of impatience.
“She went to the fair three years ago. Alone.” The prior’s voice was suddenly calm, but it cut like a blade. “Ask Brother Wigbert if she had his permission.”
The infirmarian looked at me quizzically, and the abbot frowned. “Is that true?”
“Yes,” I admitted contritely, sending Brother Wigbert an apologetic look.
The abbot did not seem eager to pursue this further—it was a long time ago, after all—but the prior was not done. “She was also overheard questioning the validity of the Augustinian doctrine.”
My memory reeled back to the day when I had talked with Brother Wigbert about Church Fathers as he tended to the ailing cobbler. The monk with jaundice on the neighboring bed must have reported it to Helenger. Icy sweat broke all over my body as I realized that my suspicions were correct—the prior had spies everywhere.
“I was not yet fourteen, and I was learning about the Church.” I tried to retain my composure. “Surely you are not going to accuse a child of heresy?”
“You are not a child anymore,” Helenger snickered, “and who knows what views you hold now?”
“That’s enough.” The abbot rose with surprising energy, his chair scraping across the stone floor. “I will not hear another word of it. I am not going to investigate
