I wouldn’t do that.
The sudden voice in my head made me jump, which was stupid. I’d just said she was in there. Why the hell was I surprised when she appeared on cue?
I was trying to give you your privacy, the city spirit grumped. But I’m hurt that you think I’d stop you from doing anything you wanted. Haven’t I made it abundantly clear that I’m a god of free will? I’d never stop you from loving anyone or anything you wanted. You just can’t love them more than me and still be a priest.
Well, that was going to be a problem.
Let’s not be hasty, the DFZ said. Your life is crazy right now, I get it. What kind of god would I be if I judged you for that? Let’s just play this by ear and see what happens.
My eyes widened. That was shockingly generous of her.
I am quite benevolent and wise, she agreed. But it’s not entirely altruism. I’ve invested way too much in our ecclesiastical relationship to give up at the first bump, and this isn’t entirely about you. I don’t care what happens to Yong of Korea, but Nikola Kos has been part of me for most of his—and all my—life. If nothing else, I’m interested to see how his drama plays out, and your head is a perfect front-row seat.
Glad I could be of service.
You are an excellent servant, the DFZ said, pinching my mental cheeks. That’s why I put up with you.
Rolling my eyes, I turned back to Nik, who was looking at me like I’d lost my marbles.
“Are you okay?”
“There’s a city in my head,” I explained, tapping my temple. “Makes me a little weird.”
Anyone else would have definitely thought I was crazy after that, but Nik just smiled. “You’re always weird. I’m used to it.”
I laughed at that. Then I stopped, because he was right. Not about me being weird, though that was also true, but about how he accepted it. Nik had seen me through several of my lowest points and never blinked. He’d never held them against me, never judged me, always helped me. Even when I’d cost him millions or made him work three straight weeks of eighteen-hour days, he’d put up with me. The man had been a saint, and I’d been too caught up in my own drama to appreciate it.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s all right,” Nik said. “You don’t have to keep apologizing. I understand why you didn’t call.”
“Not that,” I said quickly. “I mean, I am sorry about that, but…” I trailed off in frustration, angry that I couldn’t get this right when it was the most important thing I’d ever said. “I’m sorry for how I left you. You handed me everything, and I threw it back in your face. I was so twisted up in my daddy issues, I wasn’t capable of seeing your offer to support me as anything but an attempt at control. But I know now that I was wrong. You’re not my father, and you weren’t trying to own me. You were trying to help me, just like you always do, and I’m so, so sorry for how I reacted.”
Yong’s smoky specter looked hideously insulted by that, but I didn’t care how he felt. I’d obsessed over my dad for way too long. This was about me and Nik, so I kept my eyes on him as he processed my apology.
“You did freak out pretty hard,” he said at last, rubbing the back of his neck. “But I wasn’t acting my best, either. I knew how much you hated other people having power over you, but I was so excited I’d found a way to keep you in my life that I didn’t think about it. Bonehead move in hindsight, but…”
He trailed off with a shrug. I was too overcome to say anything, either. Even when I was dragging him through hell, all Nik wanted—all he’d ever wanted—was to keep me close to him. I’d spent so long obsessing over how I was the Dragon’s Opal, I’d almost missed the one person who’d never seen me like that. Who wanted me despite my dragon, not because of him. And I…I…
“Thank you,” I whispered, reaching out to squeeze Nik’s hand with my trembling ones.
It wasn’t enough. No words could ever be enough for the gratitude that was washing over me like a waterfall. I didn’t even want to keep talking for fear I’d gush all over him. As always, though, Nik took it in stride.
“I’ll always be there for you,” he said, as if that wasn’t the biggest deal of my life. “As I told you before, I like you. You being gone just reminded me of how much.” He lowered his eyes to our tangled hands. “I missed you. When you’re not with me, it’s like I’m living in monotone. Nothing is colorful or funny or interesting. It’s just work and fear and watching my back. I used to think everything was fine so long as I was surviving, but then I met you, and the world got so much bigger. That’s why I had to get you back. Pushing through life just didn’t seem worth it if you weren’t with me.” He winced. “That sounds pathetic, doesn’t it?”
“Not at all,” I assured him, squeezing our hands tight. “I understand completely. And I missed you too.” I leaned in to rest my forehead against his. “Let’s never do that again.”
For a second I worried I’d gone too far, but the look of relief on Nik’s face erased my fears. “Never,” he agreed, wrapping his free arm around my shoulders to pull me closer. “Life sucks without you.”
I could see my dad’s look of disgust over Nik’s shoulder, but I didn’t care. So far as I was concerned, that was
