A healer could do nothing until their patient learned to listen to what their body was saying to them, and once the body and mind were in tune with each other, they could move forward together. When Josie was ready to speak, she would be ready to hear what she had to say.
“I, um…I feel a little strange doing this,” Josie said. A thin, apologetic smile followed her admission. “I wanted to meet you, but not for the reasons you think. Stacie is my best friend and I love her. As far as I’m concerned, she is and will always be a part of my family.
“Geez, I need a cigarette. You don’t smoke, do you?” Josie asked with a self-depreciating laugh. “No, I don’t imagine you do. I quit a while ago, several times, actually. It doesn’t seem to stick with me, but I keep trying.”
“I don’t, I’m sorry,” Maria said.
“Look at me, babbling like an idiot. I should be the one apologizing to you.” Josie took a deep breath and let it out. When she spoke again, she seemed calmer. “Look, I’ll just come out with it, okay? I volunteered to call you because I wanted to see the woman that managed to get Stacie’s attention.”
“To see if I’m worthy of her,” Maria stated, not feeling the least bit vindicated that her initial impression was right. This was an interview.
Her cynical answer was met with a shocked almost hurt expression. “No! If anything, I’m thrilled to meet you, and,” her expression turned sly. “I want to help you any way I can.”
“Why?” Maria asked, truly curious now.
“Because Stacie is too comfortable with her life the way it is now.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Stacie is happy with the way things are now. Or at least she thinks she’s happy. She has us. Me. Dee. The kids…we’re her family and she thinks that’s enough for her. I don’t. I want her to have the same things I do, but she won’t go out and look for it herself.” Josie stood up and went for the pot of coffee, topping her cup up, then offering Maria the same.
“No, thank you,” Maria said. Now that the floodgates had opened, Josie seemed as eager to talk about Stacie, as Maria was to listen. She didn’t need coffee as the conversation was more than enough to keep her awake and interested. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Does Stacie know I’m here?”
Nervous laughter followed. “Um, no. I didn’t tell her that I was inviting you over.” Josie leaned across the table and took Maria’s hand, then grinned like a madwoman. “That wasn’t what I was expecting you to ask. You know, she would kill me if she knew I was talking about her like this. Okay, not really, but she would definitely be pissed at me for a long, long time. That’s why I’m going to ask you just one question and then I’m going to back off.”
“What question?” Maria asked, feeling her heart jump in her throat.
“When you think of Stacie, what do you feel?”
“I, um…” Maria stuttered, not used to being on the receiving end of such straightforward questioning.
“Take your time and just think about it for a minute.” Josie encouraged her.
Maria thought about it, or rather, her. She felt her heart calm and her pulse speed up. An impossible thing to happen physically, but on another level, it made perfect sense. She barely knew the woman, yet it felt like she had known her forever. She wasn’t a lovesick fool, far from it, but she saw the potential between them and the future paths that opened up to her with Stacie by her side.
“I thought so.” Josie spoke so quietly that Maria wasn’t sure she had heard her correctly.
“What?”
“Your answer. It’s all over your face. You don’t have to say a thing,” Josie said, then added. “I think Stacie would be a very lucky woman to have someone like you in her life. Someone she doesn’t have to share with anyone else.”
The odd statement set alarms off in Maria’s skull. “Josie? What’s really going on with you?” She had caught the other woman off guard. As pale as Josie was, she managed to turn a shade whiter. Maria’s fingers twitched with the urge to cross herself. The woman looked like a ghost.
“It’s nothing. Please believe me, Maria,” she begged.
“No, I don’t think so. You are in pain, I can tell. Your fingers are ice cold and you have dark circles under your eyes.” Maria held Josie’s gaze, willing her to let her in and tell her the truth. Then a horrible thought crowded in and made her shudder. She hoped she was wrong. “Josie? Is there a reason you’re so adamant about Stacie finding someone all of a sudden?”
The other woman seemed to deflate right in front of her. “Lupus. I have Lupus.”
“Have you told anyone else?”
“Dee knows. The twins don’t.”
“And Stacie, does she know?”
“No. And I’m not going to tell her, either. To be honest, I’m not even sure why I’m telling you,” Josie said. “This isn’t a death sentence. I’m sick, not dying.”
“I think I understand.”
Josie chuckled, a dry bark of a laugh that held little humor in it. “You don’t, not yet. Stacie is loyal to a fault. I don’t want her to put off her life trying to help me get through mine.”
For the first time since they started talking, Maria saw anger flash through those solid gray eyes like cold fire. With shocking clarity, Maria realized that Josie didn’t see how deeply that loyalty ran in both directions.
“I won’t tell her if you don’t want her to know,” Maria said, unable to hide her concern. Keeping secrets like that rarely turned out well once
