“I don’t know if you want me to be your baby’s Godmother.”
“Why ever not?”
“Um. People might talk.”
“About what?”
“About me.” Stacie stuttered over her next words. “I, uh. Oh, hell, Jose…”
“Just spit it out.”
“I’m gay.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I’m a lesbian. I like girls.” Stacie stopped after that. There was nothing else to say after that. It was the first time she had said those three words together out loud, and it felt strange. She felt sick to her stomach and it only got worse the longer Josie just sat there and stared at her. Finally, she just launched from her chair, unable to stand the silence. “It’s fine. I warned you. I’ll be going back to Sacramento next week. You don’t have to see me again.”
“Stop.” Josie grabbed at Stacie’s wrist and pulled her back down into her chair. “I’m sorry. Just give me a minute to process this.”
“Okay.”
Josie sat for a minute. She seemed ready to speak once or twice, then didn’t. She drank her soda and stared down at the floor for a minute. The only thing moving around them was a line of ant’s intent on finding out if a spilled drop of Orange Crush was something good to carry home. They marched on, oblivious to the tableau above them until Stacie crumbled a bit of Oreo cookie and let it fall. It must have seemed like Manna from heaven to such small creatures. They changed route and started divvying up the surprise bounty. Stacie admired their simplistic communal life. No drama there, no life changing announcements or soul searching secrets to expose to the world.
“A lesbian,” Josie said in an odd voice, as if she was trying to get a taste for what the words meant. “But, Stacie. You’re only nineteen. How do you know that’s uh, the way you are?”
“I could ask you the same thing. You’re with Dee. Been thinking about him since you were what? Fifteen? Sixteen?” Stacie went on the offensive. Josie flinched at the harsh words and Stacie instantly felt like shit. She rubbed her neck hard enough for it to burn and smiled sheepishly. “Jesus, Jose. I’m sorry. But if you must know, I fell for someone in High School. A cute girl who never saw me ‘that way’ and I almost lost her as a friend because I didn’t know what to do with my feelings. She’s married now, even has a kid on the way.” Stacie hated using the air quotes but she did anyway. They were always there, whether or not most of the people who used that phrase knew it. Using them now made her feel dirty, reinforcing the sense of otherness she felt. It was that sense of otherness that drove her now. She didn’t realize until this moment just how important it was that Josie understood and accepted her.
“No, I should be the one who’s sorry.” Josie leaned over and grabbed Stacie’s hand then very gently asked, “Is this why you made yourself absent most of the summer?”
“Yes.”
“I missed you.”
Stacie laughed, a rough bark of a laugh that felt raw in her throat, then wiped her eyes to keep happy tears from falling. “I missed you, too.”
Josie pulled herself up out of the chair with a groan, her stomach leading by a nose until Stacie jumped up and helped her. She froze when Josie pulled her in for an embrace and hugged her fiercely.
“Listen you. We are friends and you WILL be little Rowan’s Godmother. I expect to see you for Christmas dinner next week, as always, and to hell with anyone who objects.” Josie released her and stepped back, then grinned. Her eyes twinkled mischievously and she winked. “Dee would be so jealous if he knew you had the hot’s for me. I used to worry he would pick you over me, you know.” Her smile faded and she gazed into Stacie’s eyes, an earnest expression on her face. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be the person you needed me to be, not the way you wanted. I love you, Stacie…and you will always be a part of my family.”
“It’s enough, Josie, that you’re my friend.”
“Good, now let’s see if I can get this stomach back into my car. I’ve still got shopping to do and we have a lot of catching up to do before you leave for school again. I want to hear about college. Any girlfriends?”
“Josie!”
Laughter followed, the friendly banter of old friends who knew exactly what to say and when to say it to bring back pleasant memories.
“Don’t be a stranger,” Josie called out as she drove away.
“Never,” Stacie promised, waving back at her lifelong friend. She would never tell a soul, but it was that conversation that sent her back to school with a new plan in mind. She revamped her classes and started checking out the Veterinary Medicine Program offered by the University. Going back home after school didn’t seem like such a bad option, and with Livestock outnumbering the human population a thousand to one, they needed a good Vet.
It turned out that Josie also had a secret, instead of just one little girl she was actually pregnant with twins. The entire time she was worried about how Josie would react to her being gay, Josie was worried about Stacie finding out she would be a Godmother to two children instead of just the one.
*
Harlan bugled loudly. The Flying S’s resident stallion announcing the veterinarian’s arrival better than any alarm or bell. The palomino ran up to the fence line and made a huge show of it, prancing around and acting like he was a total badass. “Ha! You won’t be so happy when you see me later, Harly, not when it’s time for your shots today!” she called out, then hit a short blast of her horn to let the barn staff know she was there. Stacie shook her head in amusement. If Dee hadn’t already brought the horses in
