“Tobias! Wake the others! Summon the troops! We need a war cabinet meeting immediately! It's time for planning and action! I think I have the germ of an idea!”
Tobias did not like the sound of this; not only had he been rudely awakened from his mid-morning slumber, but Ruby's outburst seemed to suggest that if she was doing the planning, then he would be doing the action.
“Oh, Herne. Here we go,” he thought.
Ruby’s hastily assembled “War Cabinet” consisted of herself, Tobias the cat, a miniature Koi carp named Chen, and a capuchin monkey skull, known as “Eddy”.
Lest this seem an eccentric gathering, even for a witch of advancing years, a little background information is perhaps in order at this point.
Chen, the goldfish, is, as a matter of fact, the most eloquent of Ruby's advisers; being, in reality, the re-incarnation of an ancient Chinese sage. As a young man, once upon a time, long, long, long ago, he was the advisor to a powerful, fierce and cruel Emperor Warlord; but some of his advice had proved less than wise, and he had found himself put to death and placed under a curse which had caused him to be re-incarnated, ever after, as a fish. Chen has, over time, resigned himself to his fate. The major problem with his current piscine incarnation is that his attention span and memory can sometimes fail him, usually at a most critical and untimely moment. Thus, half way through working on an important spell with Ruby, he will occasionally stop, and Ruby will hear one of his all-too-familiar outbursts:
“What was the middle part again? Sorry it's just gone. That's really unlike me. Would you believe it? Oh well, better start again. What were we starting anyway?”
Taking such minor failings and foibles into account, however, Chen is a wise and stoic counsellor, and surprisingly tolerant of all of those around him who think themselves far more intelligent, street-savvy, etcetera, but sadly fall way below his own high standards, such as...
Eddy, the Capuchin monkey skull was bought by Ruby years ago on one of her travels up to Inverary in Scotland – or was it from a junk shop in the nearby town of Ramsbottom? – she could never quite remember which. His purpose is more than merely ornamental. Eddy is able to think and speak, and is consulted for magical purposes, clairvoyance and such like. He is surprisingly fastidious for a disembodied, fleshless skull, and possessed of a particularly enervating, shrill, chattering voice.
Tobias fetched Eddy down from his habitual resting place, the fourth shelf, next to the lavender oil (Eddy always insists the aroma helps him sleep; he also insists that it keeps down the smells caused by “some of the less-desirable inhabitants” of the caravan).
They all grouped on and around the table. The War Council was in session. Ruby formally opened the meeting and brought it to order:
“Dearest friends, we are living in the middle of what our Chinese associates would doubtless describe as... 'interesting times’.”
Chen nodded knowingly and the rest of them just looked blank, waiting for a fuller explanation.
Ruby then unfurled the ripped and crumpled remains of the note and placed it before them.
“This is our only clue. Clearly, we need to gather further and more in-depth intelligence, so that we can more accurately ascertain exactly what dastardly (and no doubt dark) arts are at work in our little village.”
Ruby paused a moment, and looked, soberly and meaningfully, at each of those gathered, ensuring that they all fully understood the gravity of the situation. Then she continued in an intense, yet urgent voice, almost as if she were planning a covert military operation:
“I shall, therefore, delegate tasks for each of us to accomplish. Tobias, you are naturally stealthy and nocturnal...”
“For that... Read 'lazy',” Eddy sneered.
Ruby froze him with a look, and then carried on with her plan:
“Nevertheless... I wish you to go and stick to Dave Hinchy like glue. He is presently our only suspect. I require you to watch him, follow him, make note of his every move and acquaintance. Then report back to me. I have a feeling it will not be too long until David shows his hand by doing something silly. When he left here today he was quite rattled, and, not being the first in the queue when brains were being handed out, I believe he shall make a blunder soon enough that will reveal the full nature of his involvement in... whatever dark doings are occurring. Chen, you will stay here and command the 'Communications Hub', relaying despatches from Tobias to myself and Eddy, and vice versa.”
“You mean I am to sit here, wait, and pass on idle chit-chat?”
“Basically, yes. But it is highly essential work. Eddy will be coming with me, for I feel I need to visit and consult with Pearl.”
Tobias lifted his head and raised a curious eyebrow: “Pearl...?”
“My twin sister, Pearl.”
“Oh... yeah... Pearl. That Pearl.” Tobias shrugged non-committally. “She's a singer. She stands up when she plays the piano...”
In return, Ruby gave him a hard, meaningful look.
“Surely, Tobias, you cannot have forgotten her already?”
“You know how it is,” Eddy shrieked, “His tiny brain's far too focused on food to retain any other information!”
Tobias shrugged again, but didn't contract him.
“Be that as it may,” Ruby continued, “I feel the need for a... secondary perspective in considering the particular composition, substance and meaning of this paper; its contents, both visible and invisible – for I have a feeling that there is more to this idle note than at first meets the eye!”
There were groans from all round; Ruby had never been very good with jokes. Undeterred, by the failure of this latest attempt at levity, she continued:
“Are we all crystal clear about our missions and objectives? Very good. Tally Ho! And
