“I’ll help you with that.”
In her naivety, she was about to ask how he’d help. Just before her mouth opened, she caught sight of his sly gaze. Though his head was still tilted down to the board, his eyes were at the top of their sockets, fixed on her. He examined her, probably wondering if she understood the insinuation.
Shyla groaned. “You are doing this on purpose.”
“What?”
“This,” she said, waving both her hands back and forth between them. “You want to drive me crazy.”
“You accused me of that earlier. If you’re asking, do I want you turned on? Then yes, I do. We process anticipation differently. You want to rush through it. For me, it’s half the fun.”
Suddenly getting a flash of their future, she smiled. “So I’m going to be desperate, begging you to come to bed with me, and you’re going to resist for as long as possible?”
“Not always,” he said. “Have you had relationships with other men?”
He knew that she hadn’t slept with anyone else, but that didn’t mean she hadn’t dated. “Nothing long-lasting. Like I told you, I had a boyfriend in high school. After that, there were a couple of years of adjusting to the way things were with Bernard, my grandfather.”
“You missed out.”
“Maybe,” she said. “It didn’t always seem that way at the time. I miss both of them. Yeah, there were times when it was just the three of us that I would look at my life and wonder how I’d ended up in that position. But looking back, I see it was a gift. I had the opportunity to cherish those relationships, to really get to know the men as individuals and together.”
“You wouldn’t trade it?”
“No,” she said, finding an odd sort of peace within herself. “They helped mold me into who I am.”
He nodded just once and they continued to play. Score was good at getting to know her. Not only did she offer a lot of information in her rambling, but he knew which questions to ask. His questions helped him learn more about her.
Shyla didn’t want their relationship to be one sided. He’d already promised to take care of her, but she didn’t want to only rely on him for the practical.
“What about you?” she asked before she could stop herself.
“Me?”
“Do you regret it?”
He took his next move and then sank back in the couch to lay his arms along the back. “Do I regret my upbringing? Do I regret trusting people I shouldn’t have trusted? Do I regret meeting Siobhan? I don’t know.”
For a man who was always so certain in everything, Shyla wasn’t sure that she’d heard him right. “Excuse me?”
“There wouldn’t have been any other path. It’s pointless to think about it.”
“You could’ve walked away earlier.”
He shook his head. “It doesn’t work that way.”
“What about your mother?”
“She’s dead.”
“I know, but maybe if she’d left your father while you were young…”
Score breathed out an almost laugh. “Women don’t leave McDades. Sure don’t leave Burl McDade.” Shyla was confused. “It’s not possible to explain to someone who’s never been a part of it. It’s… Anything I say will sound misogynistic and old-fashioned. It’s about more than defending the family. The McDades have competitors, other families like the Dohertys and the Byrnes. If the McDades show weakness, that’s an opening for them. You can’t show weakness. You never show weakness.”
“Weakness can get you killed,” she said, having come to that conclusion on her own.
He shrugged. “Chances are you end up dead anyway,” he said. “The Dohertys and Byrnes took a loss recently. There was a meet, the cops showed, and they ended up massacring each other.”
Shocked, she couldn’t imagine something that horrific. “Oh my God.”
He sat up to snag his glass. “Yeah, Burl had a field day… McDades influence just went through the roof… There isn’t a worse time to think about pissing off Burl. Christmas came early for him.”
People dying made Burl happy. She couldn’t wrap her head around it. Score was right that not living in that world made it hard to understand.
“I’m happy you’re not a part of that world anymore,” she said.
He shook his head and sank against the back of the couch again. “It’s not as simple as that. I can’t escape it. I’ll always be Phoenix McDade, which means there’s always a chance someone could appear from nowhere to take a shot at ending me.”
Someone could appear from nowhere to take him down. He’d already said there were those who might try to impress him through her. Saying it was complicated seemed like an understatement.
“But you’ve cut ties with your family.”
“I still talk to Burl,” he said. “I have to.”
“Why?”
“Because he calls. I can’t promise he won’t call me back.”
He didn’t mean on the phone. “How could you ever trust him again?”
“I couldn’t. Wouldn’t. But making an enemy of him would be dangerous. Very dangerous, especially while he has my brothers leashes pulled tight. I don’t worry about me, I can take whatever he dishes out, but you and Fish…”
“You don’t want to be a part of that life. You don’t have to answer the phone because of us.”
“I have to protect you. Both of you. Beeks too. I don’t have a network like I used to. I can’t rely on connections from the old days.”
“Because that’s no longer a part of who you are. You’re separated from that life.”
“Am I?” he asked. “Am I separated from it?”
That was exactly his point. No matter how far away he got from where he came from, he’d always
