Opening her hands at her sides, she stopped within a foot of him. For a score of seconds, he examined her. His strong brow and intent eyes gave her the impression he was processing. Maybe that was why he was so comfortable with silence, it gave him time to think.
Allowing him to pause for as long as he needed, Shyla learned it wasn’t always such a bad thing to drink each other in.
“I can’t make you any guarantees.”
She smiled. “No one can guarantee anything. If falling in love with you has taught me anything, it’s that the unexpected lurks around every corner.” When his frown deepened, she smiled and grabbed one of his hands in both of hers. “I wouldn’t change it. Not a thing. Being with you makes me happy. You make me happy… But I know that if you can’t trust me, I’ll always feel…” She searched for the word. “Inferior… I don’t have the same experience as you and I’m not from your world. Anything I imagine about the way you grew up fills me with sadness. The boy you were deserved more, you deserved to be given options.”
Despite her desire to name Burl as the main offender in that injustice, Shyla couldn’t take another warning about bad mouthing the man whom she already didn’t like. In the past, dislike wasn’t something she often felt. For the likes of Mick maybe, but not toward a person she’d never met.
“I can’t change the way I was raised.”
“I wouldn’t ask you to change anything about who you are. Maybe you could start by telling me why you don’t trust me. Is it because of Siobhan?”
“I do trust you,” he said. “This is nothing to do with her… nothing to do with that.”
A psychologist may say different; Shyla could only take him at his word. “So what is it about? Why can’t you tell me your big secret?”
Before Beeks discovered her in Score’s bed, Shyla was aware that she didn’t yet know every little thing about the man who’d taken her virginity. Back then, she’d looked forward to learning the details as they became relevant. Beeks’ question about her knowledge altered that perspective. Not knowing something because it hadn’t come up was different to not knowing something relevant to the present.
Beyond that, when Beeks had raised it to Score, he’d been clear that she wasn’t allowed to know. It wasn’t just that he hadn’t looped her in, he’d chosen to keep her out.
“It’s complicated.”
She sat on the end of the bed and crossed her legs. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll sit here and listen as long as it takes. As long as you need me to listen.”
Score could tell her that he trusted her and could tell Beeks he did too. The only way to know it for sure was for him to open himself up. Revealing the truth he’d kept hidden was the best way to start. If he trusted her with that, there would be light at the end of the tunnel.
It would take a leap of faith on his side, just as she’d had to take one for him. Whatever it was, she vowed not to judge. Listening was what Shyla offered and that was exactly what she planned to do.
“I don’t know where to begin,” Score said, drifting toward the full-height window opposite where she sat. “You want honesty? You should know I never planned to tell you any of this… I wasn’t even sure I was gonna go through with it.”
“Through with what?” she asked, trying to encourage him on and show that she would exercise patience while he figured out what he wanted to say.
Score’s chin moved toward his shoulder. “Do you know why they call me Score?”
“Yes,” she said because Fish told her. “You were known for settling scores. Fixing the messes Biz made.”
That she managed not to spit his name with disgust was an achievement to be proud of. His attention went to the window again.
“It’s what I always did. What I was good at.”
That and fucking, which he’d once told her was his specialty. Although the memory brought a smile to her face, Shyla chose not to break the atmosphere by mentioning it.
“I understand.”
She understood that he used to do that, though she wasn’t clear on why that was relevant.
“No,” he said on an exhale as he turned. “You don’t. If you did, you would’ve taken the hint to stop screaming about Biz any chance you got.” Confused, she didn’t know how to respond. “If you got it, you’d know that I was never just gonna walk away and pretend it was all over.”
Stunned, her lips moved, but no sound came out. For some reason, Shyla hadn’t put the two together, which actually worked out for him. If she’d connected his previous McDade responsibility with what he’d been through and settling down without payback, then she would probably have pointed that out with the same vigor he was complaining about.
“You…” Shyla eventually got her voice to work. “You’re not done with them.”
“Not by a long shot,” he said, folding his arms. “Keeping the details from you protects you.”
She heard his words, but it took a second to interpret them. Once they’d filtered through, she shot to her feet to close the meter or so of space between them.
Shyla rested her hands on his forearms. “I don’t want you to protect me,” Shyla said, earning herself a frown. “I mean, I understand why you didn’t tell me before. But I’m asking you now. I don’t want you to keep the details from me. I want the truth.”
“Why?” he asked. “Because you don’t trust me?”
“I trust
