"You okay?"
"Fuck."
"Tex --- Austin? Are you all right?"
"Yeah," I forced out through those still-gritted teeth, then took a deep breath, forcing myself to relax. "Yeah. I am." I gave a quick nod and eased back.
"I didn't hurt you, did I?"
"No. It's just..."
And still he didn't move, waiting for me to explain. To reassure.
"It's just..." I gulped. "God I needed that."
He laughed, under his breath or near enough, with just enough volume to make himself audible. The mattress protested when he shifted his body weight. Moving forward, he slid his cock inside me another inch.
"Should've used more lube. Hold on, I'll get --- "
"No." The sheet bunched under my hands. "No, you're all right. Don't move. I mean move, but..." I laughed just as softly as he had. "Go deeper."
"Jesus," he muttered, sounding like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. But he did exactly as I'd wanted. His every move forward, each advance, though only of an inch or less, made the breath catch in my throat.
"That." The word, and the breath, whooshed out of me.
"Austin?"
"Just. That. Fuck, I'm sorry." I burst out laughing again. "I've forgotten how to speak. I can't make sense."
"Yeah, I know the feeling." His fingertips molded themselves to my hips again and he pushed himself deeper. I thought I heard him murmur something like you're so... but he didn't finish the sentence, merely left his compliment --- I hoped it was to have been a compliment --- hanging in the air between us. He moved so slowly it hurt, but not in the way he was trying to avoid; his self-control made me want him even more.
"God, Jamie, will you stop waiting --- "
"What did you call me?"
"Jamie. James. Whatever. Look, will you just..." I pushed myself back against him, the sudden fullness taking my breath away. Only the tightening of his fingers, the sting of his nails digging into my skin kept me centered in reality. "Just do it. Just fuck me, will you?"
He groaned, and I wondered if I should have been flat on my back.
That way I would have been able to watch him. I wondered if he screwed his eyes shut every time he pulled away then pushed back in. Every stroke made it easier for me to accommodate him. Maybe the first few times he moved inside me had been a bit rough, but that was the way I liked it.
So I had to picture the look on his face, certain he had twin vertical lines between his eyes that deepened with every stroke. His lips I imagined slightly parted, each hitch of breath immediately followed by an exhalation deeper and more desperate than the one before.
"God. Austin," was all he said, and the way he said it made me damn glad he knew my name, even if I didn't know his. Not his real one, anyway.
I could have listened to the way he slowly lost it all night.
The bedsprings protested and every so often the headboard thudded against the plain wallpaper.
"Thank God --- " My speech cut off by a deeper thrust that hit me just right, I had to wait for the feeling to pass. When he moved just so, I couldn't breathe, let alone think.
And he stopped.
"Thank God the bed isn't against your neighbor's wall."
The next sound I heard was that laugh again, and James pushed even deeper. "You like that?"
I could only grunt something incoherent in response and it took him reaching round for me to recover my senses. "No." My hand shot out to his wrist. "Don't."
"You don't want me to touch you?"
"Not there anyway."
James supported himself with both hands on either side of mine, so he could lean over, whisper to me and still be heard. "Why not?"
"Because..." I gulped when he moved again, from the hips. "I don't want to come yet. I want..." I hoped he didn't want any more detail than that; the slow circling of his hips was making my eyes water again. He was all the way inside me and the feeling was so intense it was just this side of painful. Not quite. But exactly the way I liked it.
"I know what you want." His breath warmed the back of my neck --- one advantage of having short hair now --- before lifting away in an instant.
And he didn't speak any more; the only sounds were the mattress adjusting under our collective weight and James's heavy breaths as he got closer and closer.
Definitely. Have him. Fuck You. Face to face. Next time. Even my thoughts punctuated themselves in time with his thrusts.
My blood ran cold for some reason; at first I thought it was the sense James was nearly there, but just as he cried out, shuddered and let himself collapse against me, I knew.
No. Stop it, Austin. You might fuck him tonight --- fair's fair after all --- but this? Him inside you?
There is no next time.
Not after tonight, anyway.
Chapter Six
"I wasn't too rough, was I?" James flopped back onto the bed after getting rid of the condom. Perspiration dusted his forehead, strands of hair at the front mussed with his recent exertion, and I wished I could have seen him in that moment...
"No. Course not." I lay on my back, the cover pulled up to my waist.
Half hard, my cock didn't ache enough to bother me, but it might soon if he carried on lying there being all naked and sweaty. Maybe I should try meditation. Keep myself centered and in control, I thought. All that omm and shit chanting might work.
I glanced sideways, drank my fill.
Nope. Never gonna happen.
"Good. Thought I might have got carried away."
"If you had, I would have taken it as a compliment."
He smirked, before running the back of his hand over his forehead.
"Jeez, I'm still sweating. I need a stiff one."
"I'd be glad to oblige --- "
"No,
