“Am I… Why yes, I think I am witnessing another man quietly freaking out over the fact he’s getting cold feet to match that iceberg of a heart he’s got behind that shivering ribcage of his. You are, you really are, a piece of work, Kit. Look. We’ve fooled around—”
“Rather more than that.”
“Okay. And you’re telling me now that you…what? Want it to stop?”
The knot of nerves in the back of my throat swelled to the size of a golf ball, making it difficult to swallow or breathe or speak. So I resorted to a tentative glance up through downturned lashes, and a nod so brief it was little more than a twitch.
“If it was nothing more than a bit of casual fun between two guys who just so happen to live together for however long, then what’s the problem?”
My brow tightened in a frown, and I waited for him to explain.
“Mind, a more sensitive guy than me might be inclined to be just a little bit pissed off right now. Okay, so I’m good for a bit of fun, but damn it, Kit, you could really have hurt my feelings tonight.” His voice wavered and I looked at him closely, then.
It was an act. The biting of the back of his hand to put on a show of hurt, the over-emotional scowl, the bobbing of his Adam’s apple—they all melded into a laugh deep enough to shake his shoulders as the sound echoed around the now-cooling bathroom.
“What makes you think I was after something serious?”
“I never assumed that. I…” I swallowed hard, was what I did. How to tell him that it wasn’t a case of thinking he wasn’t worth a relationship? It was closer to the truth to say I didn’t want to keep falling into this. I didn’t want to get used to him. “Never mind.”
Steven closed the distance between us in an instant, or a couple of steps, grabbed my shirt and pulled me across the threshold. I stumbled, but he stood his ground.
With nothing between us but my clothes and his towel, I held my breath until my head spun. I could have reached out and touched those minuscule droplets of water still dusting his chest hairs and no-one would have been any the wiser. No-one would have known except us. I could have kidded myself with just this one time.
“Let’s try something.”
I licked my lips which did absolutely no good at all, then shrugged. “Okay.”
He moved back again, and pulled me with him. I put up little, if any, resistance. And he kept hold of my shirt. “You walk out of this room, and I’ll do nothing to stop you.”
I waited. Waited for the explanation. The catch.
“That’s it.” He slowly backed up against the wall and it looked as if I was holding him there, but the truth was far different. One fist clasping at the cotton of my T-shirt and that was all it took to nail my feet to the floor and stop me going anywhere. “You really think this is nothing, then leave.”
I swallowed, hard. Gulped back air, even, and it rasped down my throat like shards of glass. I glanced from his hand back up to his face. “Then let me go.” When I looked down again, he splayed his fingers, and my wrinkled shirt fell away from his hand.
“Aren’t you going to leave?”
God knew how our torsos ended up in such close contact, but there was no room for even a sliver of daylight to get between us now. “You pulled me into the room.”
“You let yourself be pulled.” Even the way he lifted on eyebrow was a gesture dripping in sarcasm, though not cruelty. It was just to make a point. I’m right. You know I am.
“You…” My breaths shallow again, I lowered my gaze and it fell on his inked shoulders, his pecs, and as my gaze fell my blood pressure soared. “Why did you…”
“To see if you’d let me, or protest.” Whispering now, he studied me, his eyes flickering up and down as he looked into my eyes then at my mouth as I, still nervous, licked my lips.
“I’m not going to force you into anything if you’re so keen to call it quits. But you have to admit, there’s something between us.”
“Steven—”
“Two somethings, actually. Bit more than a couple of handfuls, though.” He shrugged, smirking as he did so, again flipping from serious and seductive to flirtatious, leaving me breathless in his wake. “Or a mouthful.” He winked, lifted both hands to my face and pulled me in for a kiss. I trembled like a high school virgin who’d never been touched before. “Pull the towel away, would you? I’ve got my hands full.”
“But—”
“Just fucking do it, Kit.” He wriggled his hips against me, doing almost all the work. All I had to do was give that loose towelling knot a tug, and the whole thing fell away in my hands. I wasn’t being obedient. I wasn’t doing anything I didn’t want to do, and Steven knew that. He wasn’t giving me orders. He was giving me permission.
And still I felt scared. Two grown men staring each other out and I was a heartbeat away from giving in.
“I know you don’t like being looked at.” Steven read my mind, even as he pressed his lips together, bleaching them into a forbidding line which stopped him saying anything further. And he nodded, once. Told me to kneel without uttering a word.
For some reason I hated myself then. I loved the way he smelt, of clean water and fresh shower gel and scrubbed skin. I loved the way his cock tasted, but I saw weakness in myself.
Even as he groaned more deeply with every inch I took into my mouth, I felt like I’d given in.
My resolve to stay back, not get involved, was on life support. The shallow, ragged gasps he
