“You’re not even worried about someone finding out you’re gay.”
“I am out, after all.” Had been for years. To my family, at work; all my friends knew. I’d had some shit for it, but nothing unexpected.
“You’re terrified someone’s gonna find out you’re actually human.”
“I beg your—”
“Don’t worry, Kit. I don’t think there’s much danger of that.” Steven smoothed down his shirt and took a step closer to the door.
I grabbed his arm and he looked over his shoulder in disgust. “Wait. Where are you going?” I asked.
“I’m turning the tables. I figured I’d be the one to back out this time. I’m sick of you running away from me so, please, do allow me the honour for at least once in my life, won’t you?” He jerked his arm away, unable to countenance further contact. This switch from minutes before, begging me to give him more to coldly requesting I let him go, was agonising.
Agonising, and entirely my fault.
Chapter Twelve
A couple of days later and things were no better. Cold glances, the avoidance of my aura, terror of invading one another’s personal space, nothing more than essential, monosyllabic communication.
I signed up for as much overtime as was possible. Bill’s eyebrows lifted at my willingness to make myself available, but he didn’t question it. He had a lackey on-hand to fix his fuck-ups, so wasn’t going to look this gift horse in the mouth.
I just wished I was able to fix my own, but hadn’t a clue how. I had a feeling I could beg and plead, but Steven wouldn’t listen. Even if I got on my knees and begged…or sucked him off…he wouldn’t be able to let go. I knew he was right—I’d let him down, but surely he saw the necessity for discretion? Sucking him off in the kitchen, for fuck’s sake, with Gary in the house…
I shook my head, tore off my glasses and rested my head in my hands, groaning at the mess I’d made of things in my usual way. Kit Blackman always managed to fuck up, and effortlessly so. My default setting.
“You might as well go home,” Bill said.
I hadn’t even heard his approach, so distracted was I. “Huh?”
“It’s late. Later than you normally stay. You’ve done enough. We’ll sort the rest tomorrow.”
“Oh. Oh, right.” I rubbed my eyes before glancing at the clock. “Shit. I didn’t realise the time.”
“Anyone would think you were reluctant to go home.” He laughed, and retreated to his office, not even waiting for my muttered response.
“You’d be surprised.”
It didn’t take nearly long enough to back everything up, copy the work files over to my laptop, pack up and pull on my jacket, but eventually I was inevitably, unavoidably, ready to go home.
I couldn’t walk slowly enough. Steven messed with my head, and so did my inability to control the space-time continuum. Home was too near, too soon.
And too…quiet?
“Hey, anyone home?” I dumped my laptop bag on the armchair instead of heading straight upstairs as I was wont to do, lately. I’d avoided both housemates to be honest, because the house was too full of them. This time, tonight, it was full of absence.
“Yeah, me.” Gary appeared in the kitchen doorway, his body language subdued but tense. An odd combination, but evident in the way he tucked his hands in his jeans pockets, hunched his shoulders, set his jaw.
“Is something wrong?” I looked all around, then cocked my head. It was too quiet.
“Something’s happened.”
“Yeah, well, it was coming for a while, so…”
“What was?”
Gary, too, inclined his head then, scrutinising me while he frowned. “You really are a piece of work.”
“I’m sorry?” My entire body felt like it had jolted back in shock, but my feet remained firmly planted where they were so it must have just been the violence with which my heart skipped that made me feel as if my entire world had tilted.
“Bit late for that.”
“Look, Gary, you’re gonna have to enlighten me, ‘cause I’m more than a little confused.”
“We’re gonna need another housemate.”
“What? You’re not moving out?”
“No, you fucking idiot.”
“Then…” I gulped. “Steven?”
Gary nodded and crossed the hall, joining me in the living room doorway. “Yeah. Steven.”
“Where is he, anyway? I thought this place sounded awfully quiet when I got home.” I craned my neck, as if I’d be able to see all the way up the stairs from here.
Gary muttered something as he pushed past me, before throwing himself down onto the settee.
“Huh?”
“No wonder he fucking left.”
“I…” I choked on whatever else I was going to say. “You’re saying?”
“Kit, he’s been moving out for days now and you’ve been too fucking blind to notice.”
“I beg your pardon?” A wave of God, no, don’t tell me this rose from the pit of my stomach, like the nausea accompanying each migraine, only worse. Much worse, because there was no pill or potion to fix this.
“Every time you passed him on the stairs?”
“I tried not to look.”
“Yeah, so he said.”
“He’s been talking to you?”
“Don’t worry, Kit—he didn’t give anything away. I knew something was going on between you. It was as plain as the nose on your face.”
“I don’t see how. I never so much as looked—”
“Yeah, that’s how I knew, fuckstick.”
“My name,” I said, through gritted teeth, “is Kit.”
“I’ll call you whatever the fuck I like, because it’s all down to you. You never looked at him, and the fact you were making so much of an effort not to interact with him in front of anyone told me you were whatever you did with each other.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“None of my business. Oh, and I was kinda hoping if I left you to it you’d somehow work out how not to fuck this one up.”
“So it’s my fault we need to find someone else to pay the—”
“Kit, get over yourself!” Gary sat forward, leaning his elbows on his knees. “I don’t give a toss about the rent,
