I gulped. “What would?”
“This.” He kissed me, and his lips were as warm as his hands, or maybe it was just that the pair of us sucked all warmth out of the air around us. He kissed me, and I let him, frozen into an inability to resist—not that I’d want to—or even respond. He pulled back, frowning, and ran the tip of his tongue over his lips. He hadn’t even tried that with mine, keeping it restrained and light, no pressure. Just a simple first kiss. And I’d fucked up by blanking out and acting like I’d never been kissed before. “I thought you liked me.”
“I did. Do.” I shook my head, wondered how to best explain my idiotic lack of response.
“But…”
“But?” At long last, Steven lifted his hands from my neck and sat back, resting his arms on his legs as he leant forward.
I took a few seconds to notice I’d exactly echoed his posture, with a Kit Blackman twist—wringing my hands before speaking. “We live together.”
“Yeah, I know. Maybe only for a few months, though. Who knows?” He’d signed up to the end of this lease, which was six months away and he could move on after that. Or re-sign.
Not exactly long term.
This, however, was his first night and I wasn’t looking forward to half a year of awkwardness whenever we passed on the stairs.
“I tend to fuck these things up.”
“It was just a kiss.” His thick black brows lifted and he eyed me sideways. “Wasn’t it?”
“Yeah. Yeah, it was.”
He waited, and I had no idea what was going to come out of my stupid mouth next.
“It’s been a while.” Okay, stop now, Blackman. You are officially a pathetic idiot.
“Have you seen you?”
I couldn’t help but laugh at that. It was a compliment and coming from someone like him… “Things could get awkward.”
“Hmm. Like they didn’t feel awkward when I was”—Steven shot a glance at the open door then back at me—”kissing you.”
“It was a surprise. That’s all.” I wiped my perspiring palms on my jeans and stood, pressing gingerly at the strip on the back of my neck. Whatever was in the painkilling gel felt cold, and the memory of Steven’s hand warmed me up again. “Look, I’m no good at this sort of thing.”
“What, talking? Kissing? Hey, if you need time to get warmed up I’m willing to try again—”
“No, I mean this. You. Me.” I waved from me to him and back again, unable to decide if there was too much distance between us or not enough.
“Were you about to use the R-word? Relationships?” Steven’s lips twisted into the kind of smile worn only by those trying desperately not to laugh.
“God no.” I grimaced. “Christ, what do you think I am?”
“I’m flattered you kept your disgust under control long enough to let me kiss you,” he muttered, looking away.
“No, I meant…” But my voice faded away as he rose. I hadn’t wanted to freak him out by mentioning the R-word even if it was to say I didn’t do relationships. Not only that, I didn’t do interaction with other folks much at all. At work I was left pretty much to my own devices as long as the job got done. At home? Gary knew I didn’t like to be disturbed so the same went for my home life.
“I’d better leave you to it.”
I didn’t know if the curve to his lips was genuine or forced, didn’t dare look into his eyes to see. Real smiles reached the eyes too, but something told me I’d accidentally insulted him. It happened a lot with me, putting my foot in it unintentionally, but it was different now. I couldn’t just walk away from the person I’d pissed off so I preferred to pretend the insult hadn’t happened in the first place.
“Hope the migraine doesn’t get any worse.” Steven closed the door softly behind him and though he’d left the room, the conversation didn’t feel over. There was still something left to say.
But all I came up with was, “Fuck,” forced out through gritted teeth, and an overwhelming desire to kick myself.
Chapter Four
On leaving the bathroom, the rhythmic thud at the back of my neck had become a dull half-pain, not as threatening as it had been minutes before. Maybe that had been down to every pulse point in my body responding to Steven’s adrenaline-inducing presence.
Something like regret settled in the pit of my stomach—one abortive attempt at a kiss to which I’d failed to respond in any way that wasn’t an insult. I’d have been as well saying,
“Ugh, get away from me, you insanely unattractive freak,” when that was the exact opposite of what I thought.
I didn’t know how to handle men who were halfway decent-looking and currently residing in the same house.
Still, I had disrespected him by brushing him off and so what if my sudden attack of conscience was nothing but an excuse to insinuate myself into his presence again?
There’ll be plenty of chances for that, Kit. At breakfast. Lounging around in the evenings.
Passing the time of day on weekends. You don’t have to…
I watched my hand ball into a fist, my knuckles rap on his bedroom door. I hadn’t told them to do that. It seemed my cock wasn’t the only body part of mine which developed a mind of its own whenever Steven was nearby.
“Yeah?” Seconds after that pseudo-greeting, the door opened and Steven jerked back, as if he hadn’t expected to see me standing there. Perhaps he’d thought Gary wanted to speak to him. His lips parted slightly, obvious surprise keeping him mute. Obsessively observant me—in this instance at least—noted the way his fingertips tightened around the paperbacks he clutched in one hand. Minutes before that hand had been on my—
“Hey.” Nice opener, Blackman. “I…” What? Wanted to apologise? Straighten out what the fuck just happened
