“Mommy, behave yourself.” Four-year-old Suave squealed with laughter. He laughed even harder when Gloria rained little kisses all over his face.
“I got something for you.” Gloria sat on the bed beside her son, wearing a big grin. “It’s under your pillow.”
Suave’s eyes got big. His tiny hands reached under his pillow and pulled out a little red car. “Wow. It’s my sports car.” The little boy hugged the car tightly to his chest, his eyes sparkling.
A week before, Gloria took Suave with her to Cross Roads to get away from George for a while. The two spent most of the day window-shopping. When they got to a toy store, Suave stared in awe at the little red sports car on display.
“Mommy, can you buy that for me?” Suave’s eyes pleaded with his mother.
“I don’t have any money today, baby.” Gloria looked down at her son with regret. “But as soon as I get some, I’ll come back and buy it for you,” she added quickly after seeing the disappointment on his little face.
And she did. That night the family had hard dough bread with sugar and water for dinner. Gloria had used the little money George gave her for food to buy the toy car her son wanted. Even the beating she got that night from George was worth it. After all, her son deserved nice things.
“Here you are,” Pastor Ralph’s loud voice interrupted Suave’s thoughts.
Suave’s mouth opened wide when Pastor Ralph entered the bedroom wearing a short, white, frilly negligee. His big gut made him look like he was eight months pregnant. His thick, cracked lips were smeared with bright red lipstick, while mascara and eyeliner were smeared all over his face. Pastor Ralph’s feet strapped in the high heel shoes rocked unsteadily as he moved toward the boy.
Suave stared at him flabbergasted.
Pastor Ralph went and sat on the bed beside the boy, his thick, naked thigh pressed against Suave’s leg.
Suave moved down a little on the bed, creating some space between them. Helplessness washed over him from head to toe.
“You know I don’t like to hurt you,” Pastor Ralph said loud enough to be heard above the music that was turned up louder before he came to the boy’s room as he massaged Suave’s back.
Suave flinched at the unwelcomed touch and jumped to his feet, away from his uncle.
“Get back here!” Pastor Ralph demanded.
The tears poured down Suave’s face like a stream. “No. Please, Pastor Ralph,” Suave begged, backing away from the man. “Please leave me alone.”
Pastor Ralph angrily stood to his feet and approached Suave. He grabbed the boy’s arm, dragged him back over to the bed, and threw him onto it. “Take it like a man, boy. You know you like it.”
Suave lay on his back weeping. He cried even harder when he felt his shorts pulled down over his legs, followed by his briefs. In no time at all, Suave was naked from the waist down. Mommy and Daddy, please help me.
Pastor Ralph knelt on the floor between Suave’s legs and began performing oral sex on the boy while masturbating. Suave closed his eyes as if to shut out the whole ugly incident. His shame only intensified when his body responded to the sexual act, his erection betraying him.
The melodious voices of the Mighty Clouds of Joy clashed with the slurping sounds from Pastor Ralph as they informed Suave that “God’s still on the throne.”
“Please help me, God,” the terrified boy prayed silently. “Please come down off your throne and take me away from Pastor Ralph.” But God never came; not then, nor over the last few months that Suave had been begging Him for help. In Suave’s mind, God stayed on His throne and watched him being abused without helping. What kind of God would do something like that?
Suave’s resentment for the God he felt failed him continued to grow.
Chapter Sixteen
The abuse started a few weeks after Suave moved in with his uncle. First, it was a pat here and there on the boy’s behind, then an “accidental” touch on his penis, soon to be elevated to fondling, and then the oral sex. At first, Suave fought his uncle, but after the beatings in places on his body unseen by others and the many threats, Suave knew he was no match for the beast. His shame only intensified when he listened to Mason and his men admonish one another about homosexuality.
“Copper shots for all gays,” Mason had said, his ignorance on full display. “Anyone of them I catch, they are dead.” He detailed how he could kill a gay man. His men agreeing with their boss, laughed as they too took part in the gay bashing.
“I shot the gayyyys,” Mason sang in glee, putting a spin on Bob Marley’s popular song, “I Shot the Sheriff.”
Suave laughed out loud with the men to hide his despair. Am I gay because of what Pastor Ralph is doing to me? Is this all he plans on doing, or is there more to come? I must find a way to stop him before everyone finds out.
“Yo, Suave,” Mason said. “Any man who even look at you funny, kill that. You hear me, son?”
“Yes, sir,” Suave replied. “No man can mess with me like that. I’m all about the ladies.”
Mason hollered with laughter and high-fived his student. “This boy right here is going to be a lady’s man like me. I love this boy.”
And that was the hold Pastor Ralph had on Suave. There was no way Suave could let Mason and the other people in the community find out what was going on. Pastor Ralph was right. Surely Mason would kill them both.
I’m not gay, Suave chanted over and over in his head. I don’t want Pastor Ralph to do this to me.
But stopping was the last thing on Pastor Ralph’s mind. He had hidden his secret desires for years, waiting and
