“You might fool someone else with that bullshit, but you’re not fooling me.”
He let out a surprised laugh, more cough than anything. “Just have my mind on something, I guess. It’s not a big deal.”
“Yeah, but that’s why I’m here, right?” She swallowed hard and tried to keep the panic in her stomach from closing her throat against her words. “Tell me what's bothering you and I can help.”
Something was wrong with Harry’s eyes. Like a huge barrier had been raised, closing her off from him. “It’s really no big deal.” He shrugged. “Tell me more about your day.”
Every single cell in Willow’s body sounded the alarm.
Something was very wrong.
“Nothing between us,” she said, her words pleading him to open up. Begging him to explain why she suddenly felt so cut off from him. “Remember?”
Irritation flashed in Harry’s eyes. “This isn’t between us.” There was a finality in his voice that sent a series of cracks running across the surface of her heart.
I thought everything was between us. I thought it was you and me against the world and here I come to find out that it’s you and it’s me, standing together, but separately.
“How’s your roommate?” Harry asked, focusing on her for the first time since the call connected.
The fine web of cracks continued to spread across her heart. “Not good.” She couldn’t bring herself to look at the camera. “The sprain was bad. And it irritated her tendonitis. I’m afraid they won’t renew her contract if she can’t get back to class soon.”
“That sucks.”
No. This sucks, Willow thought.
She waited a few seconds for him to say something else and when he stayed silent, still fiddling with the something she couldn’t see, she sighed heavily.
“Do you need to go?” she asked, when she would so rather ask him again what was going on. The question was on the tip of her tongue, ready to slip out at any second and she wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or bad thing. She wasn’t sure if it might finally get him to give an honest answer or if it would only make him mad because he’d made it pretty clear he didn’t want to talk about whatever was bothering him.
And there went those cracks in her heart, spreading and widening, the rumbling of an earthquake shattering the pavement, great fissures appearing in what had once looked so permanent.
He closed his eyes and sighed. Held up a hand and wrestled with something for a second before he opened them again. “Are you happy?” he asked.
“What? Yes. God yes,” she said without hesitating.
“Think about it long and hard. Think about the way we’re living. About your job. About the distance. About the way it feels to miss me. Really think about it, Willow.” Harry paused and his mouth tightened into a thin line of tension. “Are you happy?”
Fear mingled with exhaustion from the day and the world zoomed in and out of focus. “You’re not happy, are you?” she asked, certain that was what the whole conversation was about. He had finally grown tired of trying to make long distance work.
“Damn it, Willow. Answer my question.”
Tears sprang into her eyes and she promised herself she wouldn’t cry. “When I’m with you, I’m happier than I’ve ever been.”
“But right now. Today. Are you happy?”
“Actually, I had a really fucking great day up until this conversation. Now I’m a nervous wreck. Please just tell me what the hell is going on.”
Harry looked so solemn, so defeated, all Willow wanted to do was wrap him in a hug and tell him everything would be okay. But in that moment, she wasn’t sure everything would be okay.
“I’m afraid I’m ruining you.” His words were gruff and harsh and grated across her soul, leaving bruises in their wake.
“Ruining me? By loving me and making me happier than I’ve ever been?”
Harry frowned and shook his head. “Let’s forget today. Just wipe it off the map. Since you’ve been back in New York, how many good days have you had?”
Willow thought hard. Thought about the frustrations she’d been having in rehearsal. The soul-aching way she missed him every time she climbed into her too-big bed. The huge, Harry shaped hole in her heart that kept her from feeling satisfied at the end of the day. She didn’t want to say any of that, though.
“I had a great time when you came to visit,” she answered.
“And since?”
She didn’t want to tell him how hard it had been. Didn’t want to tell him that she hadn’t been truly happy since she came back from Bliss because somehow, she sensed that was exactly the answer he was waiting for. “Harry…” Her voice cracked.
“Fine. If you won’t say it, I will. You aren’t happy, Willow. You’re not. You’re up there, living your dream, checking things off your bucket list, and you can’t even enjoy them. And it’s all my fault. You haven’t been okay since you came to Bliss. I showed up in your life and knocked the bottom out of the block tower you’d been building for years and it’s all tumbling down around you.”
“Nothing was tumbling down around me until now. Tonight. This conversation. I was completely satisfied with my thoughts of finishing up this year and coming down to be with you. For good. Like…” She flared her hands, her words pouring from her mouth without thought. “Just today, I realized that I love you more than dancing. That no role will ever hold a candle to me being with you. I stood in that rehearsal and coached that dumbass on how to touch me like he loved me, and realized that after I finish this ballet, I’ve done everything on my list. There’s nothing else I want to do except be with you.” Tears flowed freely down both cheeks. “And then you sit here with this bullshit about me not being
