Frodo sat down by my foot. I crossed my arms and kept staring at those damn birds. In a month, I’m going to have to take them to the butcher. Just the thought of that, all those little lives being snuffed out on a schedule, like a vet check or a teeth cleaning, it was too much. I went back to the steps, cried, and let the pity party get into full swing.
I gave up school and my internship to stay here and be party to all this animal killing, all this exhausting work, borrowing and waiting for money to come in, and being away from people all the time. I am so sick of the sound of my own voice and my own thoughts, I just want to crawl back into bed and die. Why does Jodie fucking hate me?
The sound of something striking rocks slowly worked its way into my conscious mind. Standing on the other side of the driveway was one of the baby goats, nibbling at the tall weeds behind the pump house.
“Oh, shit!” Frodo spotted him and flew across the driveway, barking like a mad dog. “No, Frodo!”
The kid got spooked and ran down the driveway towards the road. I wasn’t going to make great strides in my Crocs, so I hurried inside and changed into my tennis shoes, grabbed some baling string, and ran down the driveway. I blasted after the goat, scanning the fence for breaks.
About twenty feet from the road, the goats had rocked a post loose and folded the fencing almost in half. Another goat and her kid were testing the fence with their hooves. “Hyah!” I yelled at the pair of them. “Frodo!” He had stopped about half-way down the driveway and was yipping like an alarm clock. “Get back to the house!” He skipped two barks and moved back a few inches, but otherwise ignored me.
On my approach, the adult goat backed away, but the kid bolted over the fence and down towards the road, following the other kid. I tried to usher it back into the pasture but gave up when the mama goat almost got out. I unfolded the fence, crimping the panel closer to flat, and then reattached it to the leaning post as tightly as I could with one of the baling strings. It would have to do.
I ran into the middle of the deserted road, hoping to go around them and kind of push them back onto the property and close the gate behind us. No such luck. The little shits started scooting further down the road before I could get on the other side of them. The sun was beating down, and my arms felt like they were on fire.
I moved back out onto the road and made another attempt at one of them, and I managed to hug him around the neck. I grabbed a handful of baling string from my pocket and tried to single out a piece. Sensing my weakness, the kid twisted out of my grasp and bolted a few feet further down the fence line.
“Ugh! You goddamn shits!”
I tried to calm down. I was so hot I thought I might burst into flame. Once I had caught my breath, I began to amble slowly towards the pair of escapees who were leisurely eating greenery off the fence. I kept the baling string, now two pieces tied with loops, at my side. “That’s right, try those vines. Aren’t they tasty?” I’m sure I sounded a little insane. I was within five feet of one kid, with the loop out to slip over its head. I took one more step. Bam! They were twenty feet away from me. Pretty soon we would be at Elliot’s house if this kept up. A car flew by on the other side of the street, but the goats didn’t seem to notice. I stood there wondering what to do, when I saw Sheila walking down the road towards me.
“You doin’ alright, honey?”
“Not so much. I think the goats are smarter than me.” I pointed the rope at the pair of hooligans and dropped it hopelessly to my side.
“Well, I don’t know about smarter, but they sure got the jump on you.” She shaded her eyes, even though the sun was behind her. “You might want to slow down just a little. Give them something they want.”
“They have all the leaves they can eat. What else could I give them?”
“Goats aren’t all that smart, but they are greedy. They don’t have the leaves you pull off.” She walked over to the fence and pulled a strand of honeysuckle leaves and held it out towards the kids. One looked at it and went back to eating from the fence, but when the other one showed interest, they bumped into each other, vying for the branch. “See.”
I snagged a few vines and held them out a few feet behind Sheila. “Hey, here’s some more.” Soon the pair were headed for me, and Sheila grabbed a couple of vines and walked around behind me.
She saw the dog, watching us curiously, still sitting in the driveway. “Frodo, you go on home!” Without hesitation, he picked up his butt and headed for the porch. Spoiled little shit!
We leapfrogged a couple more times, until I was well inside the property. Sheila slid the gate over and latched it behind me.
“They’ll probably just follow you to the pasture now.” She stood in the shade of a tree next to the gate, watching to make sure it turned out okay for me. The kids followed me up to the gate and right through.
“Thanks, Sheila. You’re a life saver.” I walked back over to the driveway gate.
“More like a Altoid.” She laughed and patted me on the shoulder. “You alright? I mean, besides the goats. You heard from
