“Tell me,” I growled.
“We know a way to reach her, and Odin has a spell to cleanse her soul, but we'll need time for him to cast it. We need something to keep her restrained, Arach,” Trevor said. “The last spell Odin attempted took too long to cast and that damn star of hers interrupted it. We need more time, and we need your help to get it.”
I looked down at Brevyn and smiled.
A new memory rushed up, washing away Arach, but with it, I felt the rush of movement and heard several people shouting. I struggled against a grip that seemed to be everywhere.
“Easy, Vervain. I've got you,” Star said. “You're home now. You're safe.”
I tried to open my eyes but they were already open. I was blind to the real world; taken by the blood. I knew the memories had me, but I couldn't fight them. Not even Star could stop the tide once it had washed in.
“What's wrong with her?” Viper's panicked voice came a moment before his arms closed around me. “Why is there blood on her lips?”
I felt myself lifted and then laid on something soft. Viper surrounded me, wiping my face clean before kissing me and stroking my hair. I tried to reassure him, but I couldn't speak. I reached for his hand, and he clutched mine tightly.
“Those bastards fed her their blood,” Star snarled. “She's seeing their recent past; experiencing their memories as if she were them.”
“Well, stop it!” Viper snapped.
“I can't,” Star said sadly, and I felt her cool touch on my brow. “She has to ride it out.”
“We just have to ride it out,” Fenrir said. “Vervain has been through worse, Son. She'll pull through this. You need to be strong for her and your family. This is what alpha wolves do; we hold the pack together.”
“Go away,” I growled at him.
“Trevor, she will come home,” Emma said gently as she bounced Vero in her arms.
“Go away!” I roared at them and ran out of Pride Palace.
I ran and ran and ran but the fear and agony stayed right there with me. When I could barely breathe, I stopped and bent over, to retch in the grass. The pain in my body was nothing to that in my mind. In my heart.
“Damn you, Vervain!” I shouted at the sky. “Die, and I will follow you, but you cannot leave me living in this hell!”
I collapsed beside my vomit and covered my face as I sobbed. Inside me, the Wolf raged, tearing at my chest, desperate to get out and take control. But I hated him, and I wouldn't let him out. He had driven her away. I trusted him, and he had spoken to her as if she were a stranger. As if she were an enemy.
“You fucking bastard,” I hissed at the beast inside me. “You betrayed me. You betrayed her. Our mate needed us, and you turned on her.”
The claws came again. It felt as if I were being shredded from the inside out. But I welcomed the pain. Give me blood. Rend me to pieces. Drown my mind in torment and maybe I can forget her for one second.
I sobbed. Tears seeping through my fingers. It wouldn't work. No amount of pain could make me forget my mate. Bound by blood and love and the Moon. She is everything, and without her, I had nothing.
“Minn Elska,” I whispered, “come home and save me again. That's what you do, baby. Don't fail me this time.”
I screamed as a dark light battled back the memory; battled the pain that was lancing through my heart. A missile seeking my soul. Where was my soul? Was it still in here? Was I still me? Who was Vervain? Who was the Dark Star? Who was I? I couldn't tell anymore. And then it didn't matter because I was Kirill.
Lesya was finally asleep. She had cried for two hours straight; begging for her mommy. What do I say to that? What could I say to my daughter after her mother had left us? Her heartache crushed me even more than my own. I had held her and told her that Mommy would come home soon, but she didn't believe me. Lesya can feel the darkness on the other end of her connection to Vervain. She knows as well as I that her mother is gone. A black hole has replaced her heart. A dark star with only cold light to shine.
I laid Lesya in her bed and crept out of the room before the screaming that had been threatening to rise all day shot out of my throat. My life had been a series of tragedies. Taken from my family by a cruel goddess. Given a new family but then forced to hurt them, even kill them. I remembered the darkness vividly; the insanity I had sunk into. Love had betrayed me and madness had been my only release. The horrors I've experienced are vast. It took death to cleanse me of their burden, but that was after Vervain had saved me.
My life turned on her axis. Vervain tore me from the grip of my broken mind and broken heart. She pulled me out of my darkness and shone her light on me. She healed me. Gave me love. Safety. Family. She gave them all to me without conditions. She fought for me. Treasured me. Bore me a child. And then her light went dark.
Born under a dark star, now I pinned all of my hopes on one.
“I don't care if you're dark, my love,” I whispered to the Moon, praying that it would carry my words to her, our goddess. “I vill dive into darkness again for you. I vill hold you and make a home for us zere. Madness can have me if I can have you. Just come back to me. I don't know how to live vithout you.”
I
