Chapter Forty-Seven
“Vervain.”
I was dreaming of fire, but it wasn't a good fire. The flames rose in iris and deep violet waves, and they burned cold. Starlight. I was being incinerated from the inside out; everything I was burned in that glow.
Then Arach put out the flames.
He stepped forward and took my face within his hands, his saffron dragon eyes full of intensity. With his touch, the fire disappeared, and I could breathe again.
“Arach!” I sobbed and pulled him close.
“A Thaisce,” he whispered and shuddered around me. “I should have thought to come here sooner. It took our son to remind me of this realm.”
“He's a smart one.” I smiled against his chest.
“You should have sought me out,” Arach chided as he pulled away. “Why didn't you come to me in my dreams?”
“I tried,” I admitted forlornly. “The night after the children appeared, I looked for you, but I couldn't find you. I looked for the others too. None of their dreams were available to me. I think my star stopped me.”
“But you found the children.”
“The children found me,” I corrected. “And, somehow, Star doesn't seem to know about them.”
“Vervain, this is going to be hard for you to process, but I need to tell you something,” Arach said gently.
A couch appeared beside us; red velvet that matched Arach's hair. He helped me onto it and then sat beside me, taking my hands in his.
“What is it?” I asked anxiously. “Are the children all right?”
“The children are fine,” he assured me. “Scared for their mother but fine.”
“Then what?”
“It's your star. You refer to her as a separate entity.”
“She's become one.” I sighed deeply. “Here, I can see her evil. In my dreams, I know that every time I try to fight the poison inside me, she just pushes me down. But out there, in the waking world, I can't see it. I have mere moments when I wake up before I become the Dark Star again. Before Star becomes a trusted friend.”
“A Thaisce”—he leaned forward to kiss me softly—“there is no Star.”
I scowled at him.
“There is the magic, of course, and there is the Trinity Star inside you,” he explained. “I do believe its magic has been corrupted, along with your soul, but it is not a separate entity. You are fighting yourself, Vervain.”
“Arach, this may be hard for you to understand, but somehow, my magic became sentient. It has always been a separate force inside me, restrained by fate. It has vast power—simply wishing can trigger the magic to make my desires a reality—but that was only when destiny allowed it. When my wish coincided with some universal plan. Now, the Star has no limits. She's run amok, Arach. She's drunk on power and evil. Believe me; she's a separate entity.”
“No, Vervain, she isn't,” he insisted. “Faerie spoke to me about the Trinity Star. It's a collection of your magic. Yes, it's bound by fate and the greater good, but it has no consciousness. It has no purpose beyond that which you give it. In essence, it is a tool. The only sentience driving it is you; your mind, your desire, and your will.”
“No,” I said again. “She's fought me. She's done things when I was...” I swallowed roughly as I remembered being under the sway of the blood. “When I was lost to the blood, Star tried to get the Star Gods to have sex with me. She wanted us bound so it would complete me; the nine points of a physical trinity star. Now, how could she be functioning like that, without my consent, when I wasn't even aware of what was happening? And why would I try to get myself raped?”
Arach's jaw had been tightening through my speech, and he had to take a deep breath before he spoke. “Your mind functions on layers; conscious and subconscious. When you add magic to that, things get even more tricky. The Trinity Star has acted without you being awake before. It doesn't change the fact that it's your magic. The Star is a projection of yourself, Vervain. She is you. Please, trust me.” He leaned forward and squeezed my hands. “I vowed to be your anchor. To always bring you back to me. To find that invincible love that you have for me and draw it forth again. This is me fulfilling that vow. You have to trust me, A Thaisce. The reason Star always wins is that she is you. You are fighting yourself and allowing evil to conquer you. Accept it, and you can change the game.”
“I'm Star?” I whispered as scenes played out in my head.
The way Star looked like me. The way she knew things when I wanted her to know them and didn't when I wanted her to be ignorant. She had even told me that she was me, back in the beginning, when she had first started talking inside my head. No, I wouldn't have acted as she had; not consciously. But if I were poisoned by evil, there was a chance that my subconscious would want those things. If I were evil, I would trick myself if it meant gaining more power. I might even orchestrate my own rape if it made me stronger.
“Cinderella's slippers!” I hissed. “I'm Tyler Durden!”
Arach blinked.
“Oh, come on,” I whined. “You know this one. Think, Dragon!”
Arach frowned and then his expression suddenly lightened with revelation. “Fight Club! That insane movie where the man seems to be battling another man when it's actually all in his head. He's fighting himself.”
“Yes! Well done.” I smiled softly at him but then my smile vanished. “I'm Tyler Durden. Or she is, rather.”
“Yes, she is.”
“So, what do I do?”
“You kill the Star, Vervain. Destroy Tyler Durden,” Arach took my hand urgently. “Fight yourself. Burn away the evil inside you. You've given it a face and a name. Most likely, it was your way of keeping it separate
