“Sorry,” I whispered and turned away. “You surprised me.”
“Yeah, that was kinda the point.”
I capped the bleach and hurried past him, back into the house.
“Hey, it's okay,” he called after me. “I just... I didn't want you to think... never mind. It's all good.”
I left the bleach by the door and grabbed my suitcase. I didn't meet Sin's eyes as I set it on the porch and locked up the house. After I slipped the key in my bra, I finally turned to look at him.
“It's fine. You have nothing to be ashamed of,” I said pointedly.
Sin grinned and waggled his brows at me. “Well, I know that. Let me know if you want another peek.”
“Thanks. I'll keep that in mind.” I rolled my eyes.
“This has been fun and all but let's get outta here.” Sin picked up my suitcase and wrapped an arm around my waist to pull me in against his side. “I don't want to have to clean up another corpse.”
We went surging through the Aether and even though I'd been turned into a thought-form and then back into a solid, physical state, it didn't settle the shivering that had started on my wet porch in Hawaii. I stumbled away from Sin, dropping my suitcase on the way to his couch, and then plopped onto the cushions. My legs had gone weak. Now that I was safe, it was all sinking in. I couldn't protect myself anymore. No magic at all, not even that which I'd started with. I couldn't even enchant a sword to defend myself with. I was so damn human that the Cephissus thing had left me weak from the aftermath of an adrenaline rush.
“Vervain?” Sin sat down beside me. “Are you okay?”
“I'm human, Sin,” I whispered. “I'm fucking human!”
“And what's wrong with that?” he asked sternly.
“What's wrong with it?” I asked, nearly hysterical. “Nothing, if I were a normal person. But I'm an ex-godhunter with no magic. In other words; I'm a sitting duck.”
“You'll find other ways to protect yourself,” Sin assured me. “You will never be completely defenseless, Vervain. You're too strong for that.”
“My magic was strong,” I corrected. “Me? I've never been strong. I started hunting because I was afraid. Some guy tried to sacrifice me to Ku, and I killed Ku with blind luck. Literally; I closed my eyes and stabbed until I'd beheaded him. Then I found out about the Gods, and I knew I had to protect myself. I had to hunt them before they hunted me. And, in the beginning, all of my kills were cowardly. I'd sneak into the homes of Gods and kill them while they slept, Sin. Tell me where the strength is in that.”
“The fact that you did something about your fear instead of just hiding in your warded house is a sign of strength,” he insisted. “You worked with what you had. You knew they were too powerful for you to face in a fair fight so you did what you had to do to stay alive. That's not weak, V, it's smart.”
“I had magic then, Sin,” I whispered. “It wasn't enough but it was something. Now, I don't even have that. The only reason I was even able to behead gods was that I had an enchanted sword. I don't have that now either; it's in Pride Palace.”
“There are other enchanted weapons. We'll find you something.”
“You don't get it,” I huffed. “I can't fight them anymore. I'm not me anymore. I'm not the Godhunter.”
“The hell you aren't,” Sin growled. “You've gotten used to being special, Vervain. Your destiny was tied to the entire World's. You drank the Kool-Aid and let that define you. You think that without your destiny or your lovers or your magic that you're not special but you are. You are what makes you wonderful. Not the magic, not the number of people you've saved, or even the people who love you. You, Vervain!”
“Thor told me once that he was attracted to me because of my magic,” I whispered. I couldn't even look at Sin when I said it; it left a bad feeling in my belly. Embarrassment, I suppose. “He said that it was no different than being attracted to a woman because of her eyes or hair; it was just another part of me.”
“And you've held onto that memory and let it poison you. Thor may have been attracted to you because of your magic but that's not why he loved you, Vervain. You took something meant as a compliment and turned it into an insult,” Sin said gently. “You've even added to it. Every person who has told you how great your magic is or how important you are because of your star has added to that feeling.”
“What feeling?”
“The feeling that your magic is more important than you are. You believed that they praised the power, not the person. That they loved you or respected you because of your magic and without it, they wouldn't want you. You'd be nothing.”
I flashed back to standing in Sin's bathroom, staring at myself in the mirror; Who am I without them? I'm the Godhunter. But I wasn't. Not anymore.
“Do you see any of them here?” I asked snidely. “No. Once my magic was gone, so were they.”
“That's completely untrue,” Sin said in a chiding tone. “They're not here because of what Marduk did to them. It has nothing to do with you or your lack of magic. If it weren't for that damn tablet, they'd be here.”
“I don't know if I believe that,” I said bitterly. Because a good mope needs bitterness. Lots of bitterness.
“Yes, you do.” He smiled softly at me as he took my hand. “You know them. You know their hearts. And you know yourself. You're an amazing woman, Vervain. You do know that; you just haven't accepted it yet. Here's your chance. Take
